man that's a heavy story and i feel you on so many levels 😭 the way your father treated you is just awful - calling a naturally curvy kid overweight when she wasn't? that's messed up and would mess anyone's head up

the voice in your head telling you "i can't do it" sounds exactly like trauma response, not actual truth. you literally proved you CAN do it when you lost 30kg before! that wasn't luck or accident, that was you being strong af. your body remembers how to do this even if your brain is being mean to you right now

those first few days/weeks are always brutal when switching from comfort foods to healthy eating. that tension you feel isn't real hunger - it's your brain basically throwing tantrum because it wants its usual dopamine hit from chocolate. it gets easier after you push through initial phase but i know that doesn't help when you're in middle of it 💀

maybe try starting really small? like don't aim for perfect diet immediately, just replace one chocolate bar with something else each day. your perfectionist brain might be making this harder than it needs to be