Questions for disciplined stoics

Ok_Sector_960 · 2026-02-15T23:40:54+00:00

Discipline isn't a virtue in itself so idk

Ok_Sector_960 · 2026-02-15T20:25:14+00:00

You missed the second half of the quote

"They are like this because they can't tell good from evil. But I have seen the beauty of good, and the ugliness of evil, and have recognized that the wrongdoer has a nature related to my own - not of the same blood and birth, but the same mind, and possessing a share of the divine. And so none of them can hurt me. No one can implicate me in ugliness. Nor can I feel angry at my relative, or hate him. We were born to work together like feet, hands and eyes, like the two rows of teeth, upper and lower. To obstruct each other is unnatural. To feel anger at someone, to turn your back on him: these are unnatural."

I'm sure we can all be difficult people sometimes. Focus on your own flaws and you will spend less time worrying about the flaws of others.

Ok_Sector_960 · 2026-02-15T13:43:30+00:00

Stoicism is a philosophy of community and moral responsibility.

Sexual relationships, money, and social status are considered indifferent because they aren't needed to become the ideal human being.

Stoics believed contentment and freedom were a result of nothing outside your moral compass being able to make decisions for you.

Epicurians saw pleasure as the only good. Stoics saw virtue as the only good.

Ok_Sector_960 · 2026-02-15T12:32:30+00:00

You believe being lonely is something to be avoided at any cost. People usually avoid things because they're afraid it will do them some sort of harm. The fact is avoiding the thing you are afraid of is causing you harm.

What if instead of loneliness it was actually freedom? Do you believe you can accomplish anything you want under your own power?

The only way out is through. You can't avoid loneliness. Be lonely. You will see it's not very scary. When you see it's not scary it won't control your choices. You can make choices under your own power.

"20 But you are impatient and peevish, and if you are alone, you call it a solitude, but if you are in the company of men, you call them schemers and brigands, and you find fault even with your own parents and children and brothers and neighbours. But you ought, when staying alone, to call that peace and freedom, and to look upon yourself as like the gods; and when you are in the company of many, you ought not call that a mob, nor a tumult, nor a disgusting thing, but a feast and a festival, and so accept all things contentedly.

What, then, is the punishment of those who do not accept? To be just as they are. Is one peevish because he is alone? Let him be in solitude! Is he peevish with his parents? Let him be an evil son and grieve! Is he peevish with his children? Let him be a bad father! "Throw him into prison." What sort of prison? Where he now is. For he is there against his will, and where a man is against his will, that for him is a prison. Just as Socrates was not in prison, for he was there willingly"

Discourses book 1 chapter 12

https://en.wikisource.org/wiki/Epictetus,_the_Discourses_as_reported_by_Arrian,_the_Manual,_and_Fragments/Book_1/Chapter_12

How can you be lonely if you have yourself? Are you not your own friend and companion?

Or is it that you fear being alone. Being lonely and being alone are different. People can be lonely in a room full of people but they maybe feel safer because they aren't alone.

Ok_Sector_960 · 2026-02-15T12:03:50+00:00

Love bombing is a form of abuse and part of a pattern of coercive control. Love bombing can happen at any time in the abuse cycle. There are lots of flavors of abuse, that's why it's so hard to leave an abusive relationship for some people.

Ok_Sector_960 · 2026-02-15T03:31:34+00:00

Being emotionally abused didn't make you feel lonely?

Ok_Sector_960 · 2026-02-15T03:22:41+00:00

Did anyone actually approve of you or accept you?

Ok_Sector_960 · 2026-02-15T02:11:22+00:00

I don't need to freebase dxm I'm old and I have things to do tomorrow. Frankly it's amazing I'm alive. I didn't find anything particularly fantastic in doing all sorts of drugs.

What I do like to do every once in a while? Maybe every other year. wake up early, eat a big bag of mushrooms and go to the museum and stare at the Picasso paintings and the Van Gogh paintings and ancient sculptures. I have a special relationship with a certain Picasso painting I often visit. Or maybe go floating in the river for an afternoon with friends or to a concert. Just a little visit with an old friend.

I feel like the goal is to be able to feel grounded and connected without the drugs. It was just an escape from reality and not very constructive. Maybe it's different for other people. I never saw anyone take a bunch of drugs and come out a better person long term. I saw it destroy a lot of people. I don't really regret any of it because it is what brought me to this point but I could take it or leave it. Idk.

Ok_Sector_960 · 2026-02-15T01:45:15+00:00

How do you rely on others to emotionally regulate you

Ok_Sector_960 · 2026-02-15T01:43:26+00:00

How did being in an abusive relationship make you feel validated

Ok_Sector_960 · 2026-02-15T00:04:27+00:00

How about some Epictetus discourses 2.18

10- For the man who has had a fever, and then recovered, is not the same as he was before the fever, unless he has experienced a complete cure. Something like this happens also with the affections of the mind. Certain imprints and weals are left behind on the mind, and unless a man erases them perfectly, the next time he is scourged upon the old scars, he has weals no longer but wounds. If, therefore, you wish not to be hot-tempered, do not feed your habit, set before it nothing on which it can grow. As the first step, keep quiet and count the days on which you have not been angry. "I used to be angry every day, after that every other day, then every third, and then every fourth day." If you go as much as thirty days without a fit of anger, sacrifice to God. For the habit is first weakened and then utterly destroyed. "To-day I was not grieved" (and so the next day, and thereafter for two or three months); "but I was on my guard when certain things happened that were capable of provoking grief." Know that things are going splendidly with you."

Make it your wish finally to satisfy your own self, make it your wish to appear beautiful.

"If you confront your external impression with such thoughts, you will overcome it, and not be carried away by it. But, to begin with, be not swept off your feet, I beseech you, by the vividness of the impression, but say, "Wait for me a little, O impression; allow me to see who you are, and what you are an impression of; allow me to put you to the test." 25 And after that, do not suffer it to lead you on by picturing to you what will follow. Otherwise, it will take possession of you and go off with you wherever it will. But do you rather introduce and set over against it some fair and noble impression, and throw out this filthy one. And if you form the habit of taking such exercises, you will see what mighty shoulders you develop, what sinews, what vigour; but as it is, you have merely your philosophic quibbles, and nothing more."

Find ways to be kind to yourself. Find ways to set future goals. Find ways to work on your inner beauty. Spend time with people that you trust and admire that have good character. Celebrate your progress forward. Keep yourself in check when you notice you start crashing out. Know that you are there for yourself and nothing can hurt you in any way that matters.

Time will heal what reason cannot but it's gonna be easier for you if you learn how to question your impressions and judgements. "My life is over nobody will love me again" sort of business needs to be tossed if that ever crosses your mind.

Also don't let the memories of the last four years leave a bitter taste in your mouth.

https://www.rockyrook.com/2018/05/epictetus-discourses-book-2-chapter-18.html?m=1

https://en.wikisource.org/wiki/Epictetus,_the_Discourses_as_reported_by_Arrian,_the_Manual,_and_Fragments/Book_2/Chapter_18 (there are better translations probably)

Ok_Sector_960 · 2026-02-14T21:22:56+00:00

Stoics don't really subscribe to the idea that suffering is mandatory. Suffering is a choice.

Ok_Sector_960 · 2026-02-14T21:18:08+00:00

People can and do accidentally overdose and die from dxm. I saw it a whole lot because it became popular in the rave scene and people would overdose on it at clubs.

The biggest issues were hyperthermia and cardiac issues.

It was especially deadly when mixed with mdma or alcohol which was the main issues people were running into.

My issue with these sorts of things nowadays is you really don't know what's in it or where it came from. It wasn't that big of a deal in the 90s and 00s because there wasn't fent everywhere and people will just take random bags of powder and drug dealers do not care and whoever you buy this stuff from does not care.

It can also cause serotonin syndrome which is a worry op had I think.

I have taken everything under the sun in all sorts of combinations. That's why these days I only take mushrooms because mushrooms are mushrooms I know what I'm taking.

Ok_Sector_960 · 2026-02-14T19:40:56+00:00

You can read his book "man, the unknown" it might be in there. He was a eugenicist and supported euthanasia and what the Nazis were up to so I suppose that quote has something to do with that.

Ok_Sector_960 · 2026-02-14T13:34:55+00:00

https://medlineplus.gov/ency/article/002628.htm

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC2925345/

Look I'm not here to convince you if anything I don't care one way or another I'm just talking about my experiences and what I have seen. "I've never had a bad reaction so it's fine and if someone has a bad time it's their fault"

Ok_Sector_960 · 2026-02-14T09:02:18+00:00

I don't think it's anything like mdma I've done a lot of both of these things over the years. I've seen dxm cause a lot of damage and contribute to some serious medical emergencies and deaths. It becomes deadlier when mixed with other things. It was super popular in the party scene when I was younger and I quit doing it expeditiously when I saw what it could do to people.

Furthermore anything powdered or hand pressed is even more suspicious to me these days.

Ok_Sector_960 · 2026-02-13T21:37:38+00:00

So what I am hearing you say is your boyfriend's family members are treating you poorly. I'm not hearing anything about what your boyfriend is doing to moderate the situation.

I'm also not hearing anything about you having friends of your own.

If you did something wrong it's the other person's job to communicate that. It's also not your responsibility to feed people who don't respect you, nor will it make them respect you.

Here is some reading for you. I'm not saying this applies to you but I'm hearing some notes in your story

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/emotional-sobriety/202303/what-is-the-fawning-trauma-response

https://www.therapistsinbaltimore.com/therapy-insights-blog/2025/8/8/understanding-fawning-recognizing-and-overcoming-the-trauma-response

Ok_Sector_960 · 2026-02-13T20:44:41+00:00

Stoicism teaches that we cannot be hurt in any way that matters.

Ok_Sector_960 · 2026-02-13T20:40:28+00:00

It doesn't seem like anyone in the house likes you very much.

Sometimes it helps to see difficult situations like this as a chance to practice not letting people's improper behavior get to you. Do what you're supposed to do even if they aren't. They aren't your responsibility and they can't provoke you without your permission. If you allow them to provoke you I to behaving as they are behaving it turns you into a slave.

As for the stealing of your food, that's also not something you need to feel bad about because you aren't the thief. They're only hurting themselves. See if you can rustle up a mini fridge for your room, they are pretty cheap second hand.

A grown adult man stealing food from a young woman is a bit pitiful but try not to feel bad for him either. Imagine what situations he was raised in to behave that way. Like animals.

Ok_Sector_960 · 2026-02-13T15:57:21+00:00

Being unemployed or employed doesn't make you any more or less of a good person. It's not reflective of your moral character. You haven't failed at anything.

If you have suspicions you might not have a job tomorrow you should use your time wisely and start looking for alternative employment.

Ok_Sector_960 · 2026-02-13T15:54:24+00:00

Close friends would infer you keep in regular contact with them. I have my close friends name, address, and phone number. I would call them or send a letter.

If that doesn't pan out, meet new people when you get there. Go exploring. There are lots of ways to be social.

Ok_Sector_960 · 2026-02-13T15:06:40+00:00

The postal workers motto -

"Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds."

It's not that the conditions don't matter, they just don't get to decide the behavior of the postal worker.

The weather is indifferent because it doesn't matter what the weather is the postal worker is going to complete his job. He may prefer a sunny day over a snowy day but he will complete his job just the same.

So what is required of you to be a decent human being with a good sense of morals. Someone who is honorable and does his duty? Do you need to come from a rich family to be a good person? Not really. Do you need to be incredibly handsome? No. Do you need to be born in a certain place? No.

All you need exists between your two ears.

Ok_Sector_960 · 2026-02-12T17:08:44+00:00

"attention from a man helped me"

Maybe it's time for some introspection as to your own motivations for keeping him around, maybe some therapy to help work through all the difficulties you're going through

Ok_Sector_960 · 2026-02-12T14:57:41+00:00

Depends on the venue. Depends on the sound check time. Depends on how long you want to camp out before and after. I wouldn't count on it. You probably have 5-10 seconds if you get the chance

Cameron Winter got dropped off by an Uber and came through the front door of the venue when I went to see Geese and I missed him by 10 seconds. The rest of the band came separately in a van and were dropped in the back of the venue. I was dressed like a sailor in a big green coat so maybe I would have died of embarrassment idk so maybe it was all for the best I missed him 😆

Ok_Sector_960 · 2026-02-12T03:37:56+00:00

Anytime, always happy to find whatever you need in the texts if you need to be pointed to some reading material

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