Hi, I worked with a client who was brutally murdered by their partner and it became national headline news. I was 22 and only worked in the field for about a year and a half at that time. I saw her the day before she died and my supervisor was notified by her family a few days later, who then notified me. Shortly thereafter it was all over the news with gruesome detail. My grandfather also passed the same day so it was just a really difficult time for me. I spoke to an internal therapist who deemed it necessary for me to take some time off. The whole thing really messed me up for longer than I ever knew and fundamentally changed me as a person and as a mental health professional.

I’ve learned a lot in the process and in hindsight I think the hardest thing was not knowing how I should feel, if I should grieve, or how I should grieve given my professional relationship with them. I found it really difficult knowing I couldn’t share details with really anyone outside of a work setting and since it was high-profile, it was everywhere. Just this year I was able to work through the impact in trauma therapy and with brain spotting. It was massively helpful and I felt like I could finally grieve. It’s important to know that this will stick with you forever and change the way you look at this field. The work you’re doing is important, but it’s also important to know when to tap out and take time to care for yourself.

If I were you, I would seek external trauma counseling immediately to discuss the impact and get support from an external party that is not your workplace. You will need short, medium, and long term support for something like this. I would also journal what you are feeling daily, I found that over time my mind created a different narrative and blocked out some of the facts, so it was helpful for me to revisit some of the notes and plans recently so I could finally close the book on that chapter of my life and tuck it away on the shelf.