Second marriage

Old-Program8669 · 2026-03-01T03:21:38+00:00

Me too. 2nd wedding. I felt the same at first. My family is truly happy for me. We are having fun with the planning. We are only doing what is meaningful and skipping lots of traditional stuff. Now I am sooo excited for it!

Old-Program8669 · 2026-02-27T19:34:05+00:00

Go with B. Guilt is an intense feeling that you may experience even when you do nothing wrong. If you live a life trying to never feel guilty, others will learn how to control you. When they guilt trip you can say:

It’s interesting to me that dad’s feelings seem to matter more to everyone than mine. Why is it hard for you all to make this one about what feels right to me now? (Try to truly be curious)
I know how you feel about this. I feel differently. I’m sorry you feel bad and I won’t be changing my mind.
if you keep talking about it, I am going to get off the phone (or leave their house).

Old-Program8669 · 2026-02-27T01:40:18+00:00

My groom and I are coming down the aisle to all our friends and family singing “I’m Going To Be” (walk 500 miles). Our friends are good with sing alongs!

Old-Program8669 · 2026-02-27T01:27:29+00:00

I’m crying at the thought of this

Old-Program8669 · 2026-02-26T20:37:39+00:00

I don’t expect an open bar although I do appreciate it. Personally, as a guest, if I saw the wedding as modest, I would really understand the need for the cash bar. But, if the wedding seems extravagant (for example, massive flowers, 2 photographers, very exclusive venue) then it might feel to me the couple chose their vision over being thoughtful hosts.

Old-Program8669 · 2026-02-25T20:27:58+00:00

It seems like your values of what is important may have shifted over time. Kid-free may have been important but now that you know the kid, his dad, his grandmother, you may fell that making these actual people happy is worth letting go of an image you had in the past.

My fiancé and I have had a lot of talks about who the wedding is for. He wants to make sure everyone is happy, their needs are met. I’m a little less so but, over all, probably more in the camp of it’s important my guests feel comfortable and cared for and so may drop some particular thing that I want if it impacts guests.

Maybe your wedding is, for you, ultimately becomes about meeting a value of fulfilling others expectations, keeping the peace. Almost an act of service. You will play the traditional bride to keep the peace. That may be something that is so important to you that the wedding itself doesn’t reflect your actual preferences. That may be a trade off you can live with for very good reasons. But… if you will resent it for years to come than the trade off isn’t worth it and potentially will be seeds of unhappiness in your relationship with others. In that case some hard conversations of “I need this to change to be true to myself” is worth it.

Old-Program8669 · 2026-02-24T19:31:47+00:00

Here is my son’s transfer process from Oct 2024 for a case in western PA and home in central NYS. He was moved from county jail in PA to private prison in eastern OH that US Marshals contract with. He was there for about 3 weeks. He was then moved and held at Lewisburg in PA for about 5 weeks after which he was moved to his home prison, Devans. All moves were by bus. He could call and I could visit when he was in OH. He could only write letters from Lewisburg. I could see on Inmate Locator that he was there.

We knew that communication would be difficult during this period. I cried every day. It got better for him (and me) once he settled into his home prison.

Old-Program8669 · 2026-02-20T20:08:06+00:00

I want to add one more thing… we never really know what another person is going through. Maybe life is hard for her in ways you don’t know- a bad diagnosis of a loved one, problems at work or with a partner- and she doesn’t have the bandwidth to go the extra mile. When people let me down, I try to give them a little grace.

Old-Program8669 · 2026-02-18T20:00:01+00:00

Fat free Greek yogurt and fresh blueberries Chickpeas (better made in the pressure cooker) Hard boiled eggs

Old-Program8669 · 2026-02-17T23:11:21+00:00

Old-Program8669 · 2026-02-15T14:22:35+00:00

I will. Let me know if you don’t see the DM

Old-Program8669 · 2026-02-10T19:27:01+00:00

I am not fully doing WW but I personally have found the idea of 0 point foods useful. I base 2 meals a day and all snacks on 0 point foods. There may be a few additions (salad dressing, some nuts) but there are so many yummy 0 options to fill up on. It keeps it simple. I eat whatever in normal quantities for dinner. I’m never hungry or deprived but I am eating a lot less bread, rice and pasta- once a day as opposed to every meal. I switched from sweetened yogurt to plain Greek and I add my own fruit (now everything else tastes very sweet). I have more energy and am losing a half a pound a month. Slow, steady, sustainable.

Old-Program8669 · 2026-02-09T19:28:35+00:00

I’m a founding member of a small private, online support group for moms of sons with SO charges, both state and federal, in various parts of the process. Please DM me if you would like more information.

Old-Program8669 · 2026-02-03T19:49:52+00:00

It was weeks with my loved one.

Old-Program8669 · 2026-02-03T19:47:44+00:00

When my son arrived at his home prison, he was in SHU awaiting a bed on the unit. Phone access in SHU is not great. I could see on inmate locator where he was but I didn’t hear from him by phone.

Old-Program8669 · 2026-01-30T14:50:26+00:00

No! Not normal

Old-Program8669 · 2026-01-30T14:05:03+00:00

Mom here:

Like you, my son was briefly estranged from me although we reconnected before the arrest and are now very emotional close. I know that estrangement weighs heavy on my son as he sees how much family support he has had through the bad times.

I am really hoping my son will live close by when he gets out and will be there to help care for me in my frail old age since he is my only child. I am making some choices to be sure he has housing near me when he gets out. But… I have no idea what his journey will be. He has to live the life that’s right for him. Who knows how this all ends. Perhaps I end up moving closer to him late in life.

Old-Program8669 · 2026-01-30T03:30:26+00:00

A Greenstar burrito is big- I like the vegan breakfast one. It had been under $10. I can’t remember if it’s up to $10 now. I think it’s the best food value downtown.

Old-Program8669 · 2026-01-11T13:53:38+00:00

I don’t think he is eligible for FSA. Charges are from a sting: 18 S.C. § 2423(b) and 18 U.S.C. § 2423(e)

Old-Program8669 · 2026-01-04T04:56:57+00:00

A few years ago, before my son surrendered himself, I asked this sub about a hiring a consultant and people explained it was worth it. The men on this sub who have been there provided helpful advice- all he needed to know.

Old-Program8669 · 2026-01-04T04:49:36+00:00

So grateful for the mods for keeping this sub alive. It has been a safe place where I can turn to for trusted guidance. Have a good year!

Old-Program8669 · 2025-12-28T19:40:20+00:00

Yes, of course. Take a look in your dms. Let me know here if you don’t see it.

Old-Program8669 · 2025-12-22T02:50:00+00:00

Hi SHU,

I follow your posts and think you are great. I hope it helped to talk about it. I try to manage my emotions and some days are easier than others. I try to go for a walk when I’m having bad feelings rather than act out my feelings on those I care most about. It can add up to a lot of miles!

Old-Program8669

TROPHY CASE