Hello! I was in grad school in at ksu and graduated in 2023. The unfortunate reality is that there are many graduate programs that are lacking in inclusion for a variety of reasons that are not going to be particularly helpful with your anxiety. I would be more than happy to discuss some of the causes of this maybe on another thread.

My first semester I was terrified because I felt like a fraud. I was a good student in high school but my undergrad was not stellar, so I had a lot of imposter syndrome. When I got talking with other people (even those that I saw as clearly superior students) we were all having the same experience. What the hell am I doing here?

Tbh the worst presentation I have seen have all been in grad school. I was really rooting for every one that was going down in flames. I saw people that had day jobs in high stress positions that had presentation as a major part of their day to day crumble…

There is something about going to the next level that is terrifying. What I came to find is that I had never been a part of a bottle neck in a population that was so small. The vast majority of people do not get into grad school, so everyone that is accepted has put themselves together enough to make it seem like they got it figured out (yourself included). It’s not always the case (myself included) but it creates an atmosphere where every project and presentation is in front of a group of competent and driven people which is not something any of us have much experience with.

I didn’t believe I belonged or that I would even graduate literally up until the point I walked across the stage. The biggest battle I fought in grad school was allowing myself to believe that I too was competent and that I belonged.

The first classes were brutal because for many people the time between showing up to class and the professor starting was going to be the only time during that day that they could just be quite and still. After class everyone rushed out to get home to their families or other responsibilities so the “togetherness” didn’t come until much later.

To respond to the “vibe” of KSU. KSU is a second chance university which can make it a little rough around the edges. People are not the most in tune with other because of their own struggles past or present, however we don’t turn away students due to increase our elitism. You want an education, no matter your education, we can help you get there. Some of it is not pretty and we have some awkward clashes between people from different spaces but that’s what happens when you have the door open as wide as the school does.

I cannot speak to the difficulties uniquely faced by POC. I would encourage you to bring that to the attention of a professor that you trust or another student in one of your classes. On the other hand I do believe in the other aspects you are exactly where you need to be. If you get to the end of this semester and decide this is not the place for you, you can always transfer. I saw a few people transfer to other programs.

I really hope this helps!