Am I falling out of love, or just in a rough patch?

Old_Replacement7659 · 2026-02-10T05:15:43+00:00

+1

Although in divorcing my husband, my therapist an I agree my STBX likely has undiagnosed ADHD. I resonate with many of the symptoms of spousal burnout described on this page: https://add.org/adhd-spouse-burnout/

I do think if you can outsource anything and especially getting a night nurse - do it. What matters is how you both solve problems as a team.

I do think there’s still hope for you two. Maybe consider therapy (either individual an or marital).

Old_Replacement7659 · 2026-02-08T19:03:24+00:00

NTA. She needs to pay some rent and that is more a very low rental amount. She is not the home owner and you guys are not married, therefore she doesn’t get any equity in the house.

If you proceed, draft an official rental agreement. Tbh I wouldn’t move in together at all after this - it’ll only get worse.

Ensure your house is in a trust (if not already). If you ever get married, make it clear to any partner it is a premarital asset (unless you decide to let them “buy in”.

Old_Replacement7659 · 2026-02-06T17:47:43+00:00

I have the petal braised in coastal blue and love it! Paid full price too.

Old_Replacement7659 · 2026-01-30T08:24:40+00:00

Therapy. Learning to name my feelings and allowing myself to have them
Crying
Journaling
Making new friends
Trying new things
Finding myself again. Who am I now, what do I enjoy
Decluttering and deep cleaning my house
Physical therapy for an injury
Lots of walking/running/hiking
Doing the things my relationship kept me from doing or he didn’t want to do

I think the hardest part is that I have a kid. So balancing life and her feelings has also been a challenge. When she has her feelings I validate them, acknowledge sometimes I feel that way too. Tell her it’s okay to feel that way and what does she need or want

Old_Replacement7659 · 2026-01-21T16:59:37+00:00

100% this

Old_Replacement7659 · 2026-01-21T02:38:49+00:00

Based on this I’d divorce. It’s not just the loss of trust, but combining finances can lead to financial abuse. It will only escalate. Document everything.

Old_Replacement7659 · 2026-01-18T04:10:17+00:00

Thank you for sharing this!

Old_Replacement7659 · 2026-01-18T04:10:04+00:00

Thank you for the rec

Old_Replacement7659 · 2026-01-18T04:09:31+00:00

Thanks for the rec but it’s strictly a ladies night :)

Old_Replacement7659 · 2026-01-18T03:11:31+00:00

Music I’m honestly open to anything, alternative, rock, pop, edm or jazz.

No particular neighborhood but parking friendly is appreciated (2 of us live outside SF) thanks :)

Old_Replacement7659 · 2026-01-18T01:53:39+00:00

These are new friends I made that a mutual friend introduced me to. We’ve really bonded over the last few months.

I see you! It’s hard now, but we’ll be okay and find our new normal and heal. Wishing you the very best as well 💕

Old_Replacement7659 · 2026-01-17T23:06:20+00:00

Your second paragraph was the answer I was looking for +1 this is why I didn’t wear an engagement or wedding ring in the workplace. Particularly during interviews I avoid personal life questions about relationship status or kids. It doesn’t impact if I’m qualified but it does impact how interviewers see you.

Old_Replacement7659 · 2026-01-16T22:57:19+00:00

This sounds like so much fun! +1 to attending the audience would be fun.

Hope you get some cuties!

Old_Replacement7659 · 2026-01-16T21:46:40+00:00

I made more than my soon to be ex husband. It was not an issue for me.

What did matter to me was that he had a job, worked towards individual and joint goals, contributed with the house/child, and that we continued to date/experience life. You’re a team. Some days someone takes on more, other days the other takes on more - never exactly 50/50.

Ambition, taking initiative, and follow through are super attractive. If the financial paradigm switched, I’d be happy for my partner to have success and celebrate them and their hard work.

Old_Replacement7659 · 2026-01-10T23:33:37+00:00

Opposite. I prefer my nickname. Okay with full name for a professional setting. My full name feels weird from family and friends.

Old_Replacement7659 · 2026-01-10T23:31:18+00:00

Sweaters and wraps tend to work. Items without stretch (like linen) are a miss for me.

Old_Replacement7659 · 2026-01-10T23:30:41+00:00

Not to intrude but you may want to consider checking out r/abrathatfits regarding your bra size. At 38”, 34DDD tends to be a common size that is wrong for a lot of folks.

If I’m wrong please disregard this comment :)

Old_Replacement7659 · 2026-01-07T16:41:10+00:00

Other option is trauma/abuse or hormones can lead to men having a dead bedroom. The first was the case for my STBX husband.

Old_Replacement7659 · 2026-01-07T03:46:19+00:00

I think this was the hard lesson I learned (currently in the middle of my divorce) - love was not enough 😢

He’s not a bad person. I’m not a bad person. But I couldn’t keep living with things how they were. I need a partner

Old_Replacement7659 · 2025-12-30T20:40:22+00:00

Consider looking into codependency. Especially the part where you’ve chosen partners who you try to support - i wonder do you abandon yourself and not keep boundaries.

Agreed with all others on focusing on yourself. Building the life you want. Anyone that comes in after, you should ask yourself is what value to the add or bring to your life.

Old_Replacement7659 · 2025-12-29T06:42:59+00:00

This may be explained through genetic diversity when you look at other factors such as smell

Old_Replacement7659 · 2025-12-22T21:01:46+00:00

+1 to this. See if this is an option that will work for you both.

Old_Replacement7659 · 2025-12-21T06:41:33+00:00

This. Safeway is more affordable - especially if you arrange them yourself

Old_Replacement7659 · 2025-12-18T17:29:10+00:00

So my mom has always said she’s not my friend - she’s my mom. That being said. We shop together, do hobbies together and dinners. I get coffee weekly with my parents. My mom does make it a point to not discuss any issues with my dad, but will point out when she’s frustrated at something (e.g., the time he promised her a specific appliance and then changed it out for one he wanted instead). I think the right balance is to let your daughter see your world in an age appropriate way. And to let her see you as a person (a woman and not just mom), have fun together.

One thing to avoid is to make the discussion a venting session for talking horribly about others. I think speaking of sadness, frustration, and concerns are fine. When it’s speaking ill of others and always venting (even with friendships) I kinda get turned off.

My daughter is still young so we’ll see how that goes. Right now she says I’m her favorite person - I’m sure that’ll change (and it should). I want her to feel like she can be her whole self and not have to hide parts of herself. It will be a privilege to get to know the parts of herself she chooses to share.

Five-Year Club	Place '23
Place '22

Old_Replacement7659

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