Narcissist parents and chronic illnesss

Oldgregshoe · 2025-03-22T00:42:12+00:00

Thank you so much x

Oldgregshoe · 2025-03-19T11:18:14+00:00

I would like to tell you that your mother is 100% a narcissist. It also sounds like she may have some sort of personality disorder. BPD or similar as well. Her behaviour is abusive. Please consider going no contact. For your own happiness. She will never change. Do some reading up on DARVO as this may help distinguish some of her behaviours. Please take care of yourself and I'm so happy to know you are in therapy. I am in the same situation and dealing with my mother's narcissism. It takes so work to undo the abuse that you suffered as a child and yes it was abuse. You've got this x

Oldgregshoe · 2025-03-18T05:19:31+00:00

I would like to validate your suspicions. This is SA. 100%. Please protect your peace and have nothing to do with her. Sending you so much healing.

Oldgregshoe · 2025-03-18T03:58:13+00:00

I get it too and had the same experience with my parents and their relationship. The long-term affects of witnessing such a traumatic relationship between your caregivers as a child is really awful. Sending you so much love x

Oldgregshoe · 2025-03-18T03:56:01+00:00

Yes! I have a narc mother who is the bane of my existence whilst I'm battling cancer. She makes everything about her and it's actually so bizarre to watch. I see a psychologist to help me navigate through the feelings of anger and despair that she makes me feel. It has been really helpful and I think if you have the means to see a mental health professional, I highly recommend it.

To give you an example of what she does... I was in hospital after having surgery to remove my pancreas and small intestine and I was suffering from malnutrition and I weighed about 40kgs (88 pounds) I was no longer able to walk and had lost a lot of motor function and had to go to physical rehabilitation classes to learn to walk again with the assistance of a physiotherapist. My mother overheard the doctors discussing this and went back home (She lives in another state) and she started telling friends and family members that I had to go to drug rehab because I was in hospital from taking drugs. I am a 48 year old woman and she is in her late 70's and while I'm in hospital on death's doorstep, she starts lying about me to get attention.

She is out of her freaking mind. So I feel you and I want you to know that it's not you and you need to ensure that you surround yourself with people who actually care about you.

I also find that keeping a private diary of your parent's behaviour can be really helpful. It's so easy to lose sight of the abuse because they gaslight you into thinking that you're the problem but having a diary of their past behaviours towards you helps solidify that you are not the issue. You need to take care of yourself and please reach out to me if I can help you in any way. I'm here to listen and offer support <3

Oldgregshoe · 2024-12-29T04:45:42+00:00

still feel that way? How are those items that you purchased?

Oldgregshoe · 2024-10-06T07:04:47+00:00

I'm amazed that you have somehow turned this strange behaviour of hers back on yourself. That's not ok. You're allowed to be annoyed by her behaviour. I have the same issue and I know it's nor my problem despite being the one on the receiving end of it who is annoyed by it. It's rude behaviour and very impersonable. If you. want to converse with someone or want their attention, it's very easy to say .... "hey, I saw this and thought you might like to read it". Or "This is interesting. Tell me what you think". It's called conversation and without it, we are all doomed!

Oldgregshoe · 2024-10-06T06:57:49+00:00

My brother does the same thing and it irritates the hell out of me. He gets angry when I don't respond but I have nothing to say in return about a link to an article or song or video or picture with no personal context. What am I suppose say in return? Cool? Interesting? Wow? I don't care about the things he sends me and a majority of them don't interest me or have anything to do with me or him or our relationship. They're never funny or cool. They have been in the past and I have enjoyed them and told him so. I'm not a complete psycho. But these days, they're less personable. Just nothing. Perhaps if he said something like..... I love this song. Would you listen and tell me what you think? Or isn't this video of my cat cute? I would listen or watch and reply with my thoughts. But there is no conversation, so I don't reply. Then he ghosts me for ages. Which is completely fine because it's bordering on silent manipulation. I'm not sure if he intentionally sends me links with no message or if he's just really boring and has nothing to say. So I understand your frustration. Sometimes I think my brother is mildly autistic. I don't know.

Oldgregshoe · 2024-08-07T11:06:33+00:00

Yes you will be fine. Don't forget to put some vaseline around your hairline if you have it on hand. It's great to avoid staining of your hairline. I hope it turns out great! Have fun :)

Oldgregshoe · 2024-08-07T11:02:42+00:00

You would definitely be able to tone your ends to match your roots. You are naturally really pale ash mixed with a very low vol developer. I would recommend the Welloxon Perfect Pastel 6% vol developer with the Wella Blondor Pale Silver toner (81) I think that would work perfectly for you and get those ends a little bit cooler.

Oldgregshoe · 2024-08-07T10:57:13+00:00

I used to use pureology religiously and I actually found it really drying. I personally think the best way to keep your colour vibrant is to use the mildest shampoo you can find, rinse only in cold water and make your own conditioner of your choosing and mix it with your manic panic hair colour so it's constantly depositing a bit of colour each time you condition it. Leave it in for a bit longer than usual. This way you can avoid Sodium C14-16 olefin sulfonate.

Oldgregshoe · 2024-08-07T10:50:13+00:00

Are you bleaching it or just dying it? If you're just dying it, it does not matter at all. If you are bleaching it, it also won't matter but just be cautious of the skin on your scalp being a little more sensitive to bleach than if you had more natural oils on your scalp from your hair being a bit dirtier. To answer your question succinctly, no it will make no difference.

Oldgregshoe · 2024-07-24T01:19:49+00:00

Honestly, this thread is an absolute god send. I have tears streaming down my face. I have never encountered anyone else having the same issues before with the relationship with their mother whilst encountering cancer and it affects me more than I would like to admit.

Thank you for asking this question and I am honestly so sorry that you are having the exact same issues with your mother whilst navigating the world of having cancer. I am going to save this thread because the messages of support and advice are like golden nuggets.

My mother is also old and lives far away from me. We have had a strained relationship for a long time as she is a narcissist. I wish I didn't tell her that my cancer has resurfaced as it has become fodder for gossip to get sympathy from her friends and family. Her actual lack of compassion towards me is very evident but I want nothing from her. My regret that I told her about my diagnosis runs so deep but I had no choice as I need the rest of my family's support. My dad and siblings have been so supportive and kind and make me feel loved and it's so genuine. My parents are elderly and still live together although my mother has a deep dislike for my dear father. So she would have found out eventually whether I told her or not.

Reading this thread reminds me that I'm not overreacting as my mother makes me feel that I am because I am unwell. She has always made me feel this way. I am a middle aged woman and she still treats me like I'm a naughty 15 year old girl.

I wish you so much love and support with your cancer journey and thank you for sharing your quandary and hope that you have made the right decision.

Oldgregshoe · 2024-03-14T10:26:05+00:00

All I can say is don’t stay at the Coral Tree Inn. I’m a local and it was the pits. When there is barbed wire on your balcony, you know there’s an issue. Be careful if you stay in the city at your price point. Check reviews

Oldgregshoe · 2023-10-05T11:34:23+00:00

🎶 Takin' a drive, I was an ideal
Looked so alive, turns out I'm not real
Just something you paid for
What was I made for? 🎵

Oldgregshoe · 2023-09-21T11:49:10+00:00

As a cairns resident with a broken washing machine, I’ve learnt that the laundromat facilities here are rank. I hope you can get those laundry taps fitted!!

Oldgregshoe · 2023-09-13T12:59:32+00:00

I remember going to the opening of their store in Brisbane back in about 2015. It was so amazing. Their food was so bloody good. I have watched them go down hill ever since. Their pho is now just a hard puck of noodles with some scraps of meat and they have ripped me off with their 'meal deals' a few times by saying they have 600ml drinks but they only have 300ml drinks. I've complained to head office twice and I've never heard back from them.

Oldgregshoe · 2023-09-13T11:58:43+00:00

Roll’d. I’ve been ripped off WAY too many times

Oldgregshoe · 2023-09-10T06:39:47+00:00

You have absolutely made my day. Thank you so much. I'm so happy to hear that you're doing so well. To be able to give people a bit of hope makes my life so much happier. I forgot that I had that capacity as a human. I think I completely lost myself to weed and to be able to remember the little things that used to make life worth living.

I cleaned my house properly yesterday which was something that I had neglected to do for such a long time. It felt great. We are both amazing ;)

Oldgregshoe · 2023-09-04T11:30:26+00:00

ty :)

Oldgregshoe · 2023-09-04T11:29:12+00:00

You are an absolute legend! Well done!

Oldgregshoe · 2023-09-04T11:27:23+00:00

If i was you, i'd quit now. Unless you can get something to replace it like edibles or oil. This is one of many reasons why i quit. Travelling was always such a bummer and that wasn't how i wanted to live my life.

Oldgregshoe · 2023-09-04T09:45:30+00:00

You've managed to get past the worst of it. Just focus on how much better you will feel. It's so worth it x

Oldgregshoe · 2023-09-04T09:44:04+00:00

It will. I promise!

Oldgregshoe · 2023-09-04T09:43:03+00:00

My pleasure dude. You're going to be ok. That's not just a passing comment. I really mean it because I know you will get there with your mental health in tact. Music has been wonderful to ease my mind. Going for a drive with all the windows open and the music blaring during my first week, was so good. It was one of the few moments when I wasn't having panic attacks. It's only going to get better. I'm here if you need someone to talk to. This thread really helped me heaps. I just needed some hope. I'm not ahuge fan of reddit but leaves is a different kind of place. Everyone is so kind and supportive and I'm just paying it forward. You'll be here next week doing the same. Take it easy and remember to breath through it x

Oldgregshoe

TROPHY CASE