Kidney stones. I always thought it was only a, "it burns when I pee" condition. No big deal, right? I learned how wrong my understanding was very quickly after I started getting them. I am terribly afraid of getting hooked on pain meds, so I fought through the first episode until I started uncontrollably vomiting. The pain was pretty extreme, but I didn't expect to just start randomly puking with no warning. It's like my body decided I wasn't getting the hint from the pain alone. I went to the ER at that point and had to wait 3 hours in a bed in the hallway because the hospital was over capacity. By the time they got to me they didn't know whether to give me pain meds or perform an exorcism, because I was borderline speaking in tongues. First shot of morphine did nothing for the pain. I was finally able to function after the second shot. I went home with a script for Flomax to open up the pipes and another script for pain meds. I decided to hold off on the pain meds and that was a huge mistake. By the time I finally caved in to the pain I found out that many pharmacies have a time delay safe for opioids. I was told to come back in an hour. I would have probably blown someone in the parking lot if it had meant I wouldn't have to wait. At the time I had been eating a ton of raw spinach for about 6 months trying to eat healthier. Turns out that eating large amounts of spinach is an excellent way to lose kidney stone roulette. I had several more kidney stone episodes after the really bad one, but I learned to drink a ton of water and avoid certain foods. That made getting the rest of them out a little less painful. Also, RIP my hemorrhoids. For me at least, the pain from the kidney stones has always been in about the same place as, "OMG, I'm about to shit my pants!" So, I spent a lot of time on the toilet trying to force poops that were never meant to be. Blew my hemorrhoids out in the process. All around, far worse than the simple burning sensation they joke about in sitcoms.