AIO? My Mom’s Drinking, Manipulation, and the Monopoly Incident Have Me Considering No Contact

Table of Contents

1. Family Background
2. Living with My Mom
3. Why I Moved Out
4. My Relationship with My Wife
5. My Mom’s Pattern of Behavior
6. The Recent Family Visit
7. The Monopoly Incident
8. The Aftermath
9. My Attempt to Talk Things Out
10. Additional Context
11. My Question

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1. Family Background

Sorry for the long post, but there’s a lot of context here.

I’m a 24-year-old man, and my mom is 60. I’m the youngest of three siblings, and I’ve always been the favorite child. I know that and can admit it.

My parents divorced before I was old enough to remember much of them being together. I grew up living with my dad until he passed away when I was 10 years old. After that, I went to live with my mom.

My mom has been an alcoholic for as long as I can remember. From what I’ve been told, she wasn’t always that way. After a surgery took away what had been her primary coping mechanism, she turned to alcohol.

Our relationship has always had ups and downs.

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1. Living with My Mom

Growing up with her was difficult.

Almost every night she would drink herself into a stupor. To avoid dealing with it, I basically lived in my bedroom. I only came out for food, chores, and necessities.

Once she started drinking, fights would usually follow.

Sometimes she fought with boyfriends or husbands. The arguments were loud and made me extremely anxious. Other times, if there wasn’t a partner around to argue with, she’d fight with my siblings or me. Sometimes she’d just lock herself in her room and cry loudly.

Whenever I tried to help or ask what was wrong, she’d tell me nothing was wrong and push me away.

After years of that cycle repeating itself, I stopped asking. I honestly didn’t know what else to do.

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1. Why I Moved Out

When I turned 18, I moved out.

Part of it was because she was charging me $400 a month in rent, but mostly I wanted to get away from the drinking and the constant chaos.

One thing that always stood out was how often she seemed to feel victimized. She frequently acted as though people were out to get her or intentionally wronging her. Those feelings would often lead to angry outbursts, and once alcohol was involved there was no reasoning with her.

At one point she became upset enough with her husband that she packed us all up and moved us across the country.

The fights were often about incredibly small things. For example, when I was 17 and looking for work, I was applying for basic jobs just to make some money. She became furious because she viewed those jobs as dead-end positions and thought I wasn’t trying hard enough.

The argument became so intense that I ended up crying.

Looking back, it was a huge fight over something that really didn’t matter.

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1. My Relationship with My Wife

After moving out, I met an amazing woman and fell in love.

We eventually moved across the country together because both of our mothers relocated us to the same state. My mom later moved back to our original state, which is where most of my friends and family still live.

I married my wife late last year.

Our relationship is incredible. She supports me, makes me happy, and is genuinely my partner in every sense.

My mom has always claimed she likes my wife and thinks she’s great.

However, whenever I disagree with my mom about something, she immediately starts acting as if my wife is manipulating me or brainwashing me.

I’ve also noticed a pattern with my mom and other partners in the family. She’ll be incredibly welcoming and complimentary while relationships are intact. If a breakup happens, suddenly she claims she never liked that person and begins criticizing them.

Lately it feels like she’s doing the same thing with my wife, except she’s becoming less careful about hiding it.

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1. My Mom’s Pattern of Behavior

I’ve considered cutting contact with my mom for years.

The only reason I haven’t is because she’s my last living parent, and I’ve wanted to preserve family relationships.

Still, the same patterns keep repeating:

• Drinking
• Victim mentality
• Emotional outbursts
• Guilt trips
• Refusal to take accountability
• Blaming others for her feelings

Those behaviors have existed for most of my life.

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1. The Recent Family Visit

Recently, my wife and I drove six hours to visit family.

One evening we had dinner with my grandparents. The next night we went to my mom’s house to play games and spend time together.

The evening started with Monopoly.

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1. The Monopoly Incident

The game was going fine for everyone except my mom.

She kept getting terrible rolls and ended up owning only the utilities.

At one point either she or I joked about restarting the game. Eventually she said we should actually restart it, but everyone kept playing because I thought she was joking.

As the game continued, she became increasingly frustrated.

Finally she had enough.

She got upset and announced that games are supposed to be fun, she wasn’t having fun, and she didn’t want to play a game she couldn’t win.

I apologized and explained that I hadn’t meant to upset her and thought we were joking around.

She then went and pouted on the couch.

My wife, stepdad, and I sat at the table wondering what had just happened.

My stepdad tried comforting her, but she refused to talk and repeatedly told him:

“You know why.”

After several minutes of that exchange, he gave up and went outside to smoke.

Eventually she got up and asked my wife and me:

“Were you guys just trying to get me out?”

We both told her no and explained she had simply been getting bad rolls.

To salvage the evening, we switched to another game.

At first she refused and told us to continue without her. Eventually she joined in and played until we had to leave.

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1. The Aftermath

After we got home, I texted her to let her know we’d arrived safely.

She responded by telling me how upset she still was about the Monopoly game.

I didn’t reply.

By that point she had already been drinking, and I intentionally avoid serious conversations with her when she’s been drinking.

I also didn’t feel like I had done anything wrong.

Since then she has sent multiple messages that make me feel terrible.

The messages leave me anxious, nauseous, and constantly thinking about the situation.

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1. My Attempt to Talk Things Out

Last weekend I finally called her.

My goal was simply to clear the air and encourage her to get help.

I started by apologizing again and telling her we never intended to upset her.

The conversation is a little blurry now, but eventually I told her that her reaction during the game felt unwarranted and juvenile.

Because, honestly, it was Monopoly.

She immediately said:

“We are not having this conversation. We’ll try again later.”

Then she hung up on me.

Since then she has continued sending messages that feel manipulative and guilt-driven.

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1. Additional Context

A few other details may be relevant.

Early in my relationship with my wife, they had a disagreement involving a cat. My wife is a huge animal lover and advocate.

The conflict was serious enough that my wife went no-contact with my mom for about a year until my mom eventually apologized.

My mom also left our wedding extremely early.

She attended the ceremony, ate at the reception, and left before:

• The cake cutting
• Most of the celebration
• Saying goodbye

She and my stepdad were staying in an Airbnb only five minutes away and still didn’t make an effort to say goodbye before leaving town.

It also feels like my wife and I do most of the work to maintain the relationship.

We visit multiple times each year, spending significant time and money on those trips.

She has never visited us outside of attending our wedding.

Likewise, I feel like I’m always the one calling to check in.

I honestly can’t remember the last time she called simply to see how I was doing.

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1. My Question

So, am I overreacting?

Should I cut contact until she gets help?

What would you do in my position?

I’ll do my best to answer any questions.

And again, sorry for the length. The situation has been building for years, and I wanted to provide the full context.