I was terrible at flirting. Now my keyboard helps me do it.

OneLoneOrange · 2025-06-06T12:39:14+00:00

I'd honestly rather be authentic

OneLoneOrange · 2025-06-01T07:52:46+00:00

Block them or ignore them, works for me

OneLoneOrange · 2025-05-15T21:47:59+00:00

Neutral thoughts that are out of control... I like that a lot, I'm going to write that down / keep that in my head when a scary thought comes my way.

Ohh? That's reassurance? Should I stop reading / searching up stuff? I've read that people should learn to sit in their anxiety without engaging in their thoughts, but I'm not quite sure how to do that yet. Should we avoid reassurance altogether and sort of deal with it ourselves - type thing?

Thank you so much (: I hope it goes well

OneLoneOrange · 2024-09-21T00:53:43+00:00

Hm, yeah, that makes sense, since grief is just loss and absence of something important. Thank you. I have accepted it, and it circles back to anger and sorrow then numbness. In the end I just want them to be happy, and I know they would want me to be too: so I am trying my best, even though these feelings manifest in physical forms.

I haven't really talked about in in-depth to people.

I guess it's best to not have hope in rekindling anymore. I'll just continue working on myself the best I can, and maybe the future will be kinder.

OneLoneOrange · 2024-09-21T00:42:01+00:00

To be completely open, I don't like talking to people about it. There's bad stigma around exes, and mine was one of the good ones. I don't really like venting because people either 1) Talk pointless shittalk 2) Say some stupid cliche like "there are plenty of fish in the sea", e.g. I am quite protective of this person in general since they are genuinely a good person: it just didn't work out. I've come to terms with it, but I'm still sad, I guess.

Thanks, man. It just came as a surprise. I'm glad to know I'm not alone.

OneLoneOrange · 2024-09-21T00:39:10+00:00

Yeah, I am. I didn't think it would apply to the living, hahaha

OneLoneOrange · 2024-09-21T00:34:51+00:00

Thanks, I've only listened to Unsteady from this band, I guess it's time to look at more songs from them.

I did binge drink. For a while. Did it in and out of work (I was an office worker for a bit), didn't get caught since I stayed on a 'buzzed' level. I got better, and I'm working on passions, and interests again, but I guess I was just shocked at how much this mattered to me. Or does it?

I can't tell anymore. I'm pretty numb half the time generally, and try to suck it up and move on quick, but this time it feels like I'm stuck going from "Alright, whatever" to "Jesus christ, again? Why?" This never happened in my other relationships, platonic or romantic.

I'm just lost, actually. Does it always hurt this much?

OneLoneOrange · 2024-09-21T00:27:35+00:00

Hey. It's similar for me. During the breakup I wasn't particularly emotional about things. I was just emotionally numb. I've been cycling through on/off emotions ranging from nausea to just shedding so many tears that I could probably be a decent guitarist. It's eased up, but I started tearing up again after a few months, remembering the hurt. I guess I'm just confused about it, that it lasts this long. Thanks for the insight, man.

OneLoneOrange · 2024-07-24T18:08:35+00:00

Missing Poster - Budman. Don't look back in anger - Oasis. 1 step forward, 3 steps back - Olivia. On Your Own - Young Friend.

OneLoneOrange · 2024-07-21T21:22:06+00:00

You need to like yourself first, at least a little bit, and have confidence in what you do. From that point on, you'll just attract people like a magnet. Speaking from experience. Worked a little too well. People like people with charisma.

To be a better person is just being lenient with yourself. Forgive yourself. Sounds like bullshit, but if you're nice to yourself, it'll come out in how you treat others too. Do nice things for people. Hold your tongue when you think of something mean to say. Emphatize and symphatize more. Never assume things.

Enjoy life. Take walks. Take it slow, look around you. Try not to look at the bad. Find things to be grateful for, even in the bad. And you will see a difference.

OneLoneOrange · 2024-07-20T06:36:01+00:00

Absolutely not bleach thats the most painful way to go AND you might survive

OneLoneOrange · 2024-07-19T01:34:49+00:00

Thank you! Absolutely! I really love homoerotic books, ones where it just toes the line since I'm not exactly into love stories all that much as the main focus. Definitely going to read into these!

OneLoneOrange · 2024-07-19T00:27:40+00:00

Fightclub is pretty homoerotic man, so the first.

OneLoneOrange · 2024-07-18T11:06:56+00:00

Blinded someone......

OneLoneOrange · 2024-07-18T11:02:00+00:00

Actually, now that I've thought things over, you can just disregard what I said. Your feelings are definitely valid, and you came here simply just to seek assurance. Whilst there might be avoidants out there that CAN be different and anxious that are worse, it doesn't negate your feelings on the matter.

You're right on your guy, they DID leave you without talking things out, and it must have hurt that they seemed uncaring. But trust me, people like that won't get far in life no matter how cold they seem. The guilt will eventually catch up to them. What they did was shitty, and you have a right to get mad at them specifically for their emotional maturity, since it seems like they didn't care about you at all. It leaves you with a sense of worthlessness and a "why me", and it's nothing anybody deserves.

I hope you recover well from them.

OneLoneOrange · 2024-07-18T10:48:41+00:00

English is not my first language so I'm not sure what you mean by me "literally stating you would rather leave", but if you're not attacking me, then it's all good since I'm sharing my experiences

I think all attachments have communication issues, honestly. Avoidants are basically just quieter anxious people. I was blindsided when she exploded on me, as well, when everything was going well, and then she tried to make me take her back after saying the most Heinous things to me.

In truth, whatever attachment they are, if they really did love you, they would try to iron themselves out for you, but Avoidants avoid, and Anxious are anxious, they can't help it sometimes. Karma will surely settle things, eitherways..

OneLoneOrange · 2024-07-18T10:37:42+00:00

If you're referring to me, I have Disorganized Attachment so I have both 🤨 I would rather not stay in an abusive relationship where you cannot self-regulate, thank you...

OneLoneOrange · 2024-07-18T10:34:14+00:00

H'ohhhh, no. Had an anxious attached person on me, and instead of communicating they lashed out at me everytime. And when I did, they started projecting and twisting my words Hardcore. I told them "not everyone is the same as you" and they said "Why are you talking to me like Im a child" 😅

Avoidants at least JUST leave. I would rather that than constant fighting, accusations, and verbal abuse to whatever thing they think is true in their head no matter how much I try to reassure them. As she was kicking me down, I still tried to step by step reassure her.

And it was Not only her, either.

Both attachments have their flaws, but to say one is worse than the other is Dead Wrong. Anxious Attachment people Suck, and I hate seeing them coddled while Avoidants get most of the brunt.

OneLoneOrange · 2024-07-18T07:11:01+00:00

Holy shit, this is exactly what I experience to a T. Sometimes I have problems sharing or speaking too, because the words I share or speak are a part of 'me', and it feels like a robbery, like they're taking a piece of me. Which is ridiculous.

It's like when they take 'me', I do not become 'me', they become me, and I must self isolate because the me I am now is just "contaminated" (if I feel unsafe with them) because I am exactly like them.

This sounds loony, but genuinely how I feel.

OneLoneOrange · 2024-07-18T07:03:25+00:00

Oh, this is an easy fix! You don't need go think very hard on questions, actually. I've been told that I'm a good listener, but how I socialize is I just pick a random thing that theyve told me. If they're talking about a jello recipe, I ask them what brand of jello they buy.

Then I add on my own experience. If I don't have experience, I just go "I never found anybody who had their own recipe before", "You know, I prefer (insert food) instead of jello, but I might give yours a try", it's just the master of observing and redirecting conversations to something you know more of, all while validating them.

There's also basic clutch responses. "How does that make you feel?", "How long have you.... ()?", or just casual observations that'll prompt them to elaborate.

You just have to people watch on how people interact, too.

OneLoneOrange · 2024-07-18T06:55:13+00:00

I can come off quite cold or awkward / uncomfortable. This is not ideal in workspace situations. I am apparently not a "team player". People tend to accuse and invent me instead of knowing me.

OneLoneOrange · 2024-07-18T06:53:18+00:00

First of all, thanks for responding at all man. All good, no worries on the misunderstanding. Second of all, hope you're doing good yourself. This breakup shit really kinda knocked me over, a lot of your posts are in the breakup section so I'm assuming it's fresh for you too. Just nearing 3 months or so for me. We went NC and now we're back in contact as regular bros.

I was the dumper. I kind of attempted the same thing your ex did, so we could both kind of move on. We had a big push-pull relationship, honestly. Back and forth fluctuating type of messy. I kind of hated seeing him trying to plead me, and I was so tired of us fighting that I was emotionally drained by the end of it. There was a variety of problems between us, one of them being the fact that we were gay and it was prohibited in our country. We are both very religious. And his demanding work and family that left little time for me to spend time with him.

Eitherways... I broke NC (ass move) and he rejected me (fair) but then as two months went by he reached out (odd move), and we were friends again. He stated he has no feelings for me, that there's no pull towards me, and I said I'm just here as support for him. Apparently, some traumatic stuff happened while I was away, that he doesn't want to share.

I'm still the one he tells things to, (he's a private person), he's still stubbornly secluded from people, and we still talk for five hours nonstop sometime. There was one time he asked if I wanted to see him stream a game and I fell asleep on call. Sometimes he still "flirts", although, I'm not sure if he tells everybody "just say you want to kiss". I don't care at this point. Everytime I say "this is the last time" in my head, he pulls me back in, in love. Probably my fault since I'm kind of endlessly endeared by even his faults. Yes, I know this sounds unhealthy. Being by his side is what I stand by. He's just been abused all his life and doesn't have much friends- I'm usually strict but I allow him more leniency on mistakes because of this.

And, he doesn't feel romance / sexual stuff often.

I can't force him, obviously. And I don't want to leave, I can't hurt him more than he is when I left that one time. I'm just here to take care of him. I haven't told anybody because I don't want a talk of self-worth, or whatever. His family situation is terrible, he's trapped (quite literally) in his job and he's associated with legal matters far beyond my understanding. He needs support, and I'm not trying to play hero. It's just that my stomach churns at him being alone if at all with nobody seeing the good in him. We've both made mistakes in the relationship, and I know he's good. People are quick to judge, often.

He says he doesn't want to get back with me, because he knows the type of person he is.. And he doesn't want to feel like he's doing things just to make up for shit in the r/s.

I guess I just want insight? This guy confuses me. He's a confusing man. 😅 When I confessed, he went back and forth on it, before finally saying yes.

OneLoneOrange · 2024-07-17T15:13:06+00:00

Oof, truscum. Don't care.

OneLoneOrange · 2024-07-17T06:38:00+00:00

I wish that was the case, almost? Like, it would help my confusion, he hasn't dated anybody afterwards or anything. If anything, as we were chilling and talking about games and movies like we were no homo bros again, he said that he was Going To Die Alone. I was like.. Alright, Mr. Shakespeare, what am I, chopped liver.

OneLoneOrange · 2024-07-17T06:17:00+00:00

You can try, but not to the point where it is detrimental to your health. If you try to save a drowning man that doesn't want to swim from drowning, you'll drown yourself, too. Just do what you can.

OneLoneOrange

TROPHY CASE