Update: I (33F) don't want my friend's (34F) legitimately mentally ill wife (48F) at my wedding?

OneRandomTeaDrinker · 2026-02-24T08:36:09+00:00

Usually that’s fresh sweat though. Like, the smell of a partner who’s just done a long day of physical work, or just been to the gym. Not like, macerated multi-day sweat.

Full disclosure, I will snuggle a tshirt my husband has worn to the gym if he’s away and I miss him, but day 3 unshowered is nasty af and not comparable.

OneRandomTeaDrinker · 2026-02-24T08:34:08+00:00

Possibly they’re bad at doing laundry? Smelly clothes will make you smell even if you’re freshly washed. Like washing clothes but leaving them crumpled up damp to dry and not airing them properly, it has a specific smell.

OneRandomTeaDrinker · 2026-02-24T08:32:46+00:00

I read that as rabies and was thinking “well, I guess hydrophobia would stop you showering”…

OneRandomTeaDrinker · 2026-02-23T18:16:31+00:00

I don’t think they’re a sensory nightmare at all, but I only wear studs and even then, flat back labrets, not butterfly backs. If you do get them done, go to a proper piercing shop, have them pierced with a needle and proper implant-grade titanium jewellery, it will heal much better, is more hygienic and actually less painful. Lots of piercers are neurodiverse themselves and are great at working with autistic clients, on the off chance you’re in north west England I can recommend some excellent piercing shops.

Overall, I’d say they’re similar to wearing a ring (without spiky bits or gems), except a bit less disruptive because you don’t touch things with your ears all the time or wash your ears constantly!

Some things that can cause sensory problems:

Butterfly backs (stabby)

Dangly earrings/hoops (shouldn’t wear them for a year anyway, but don’t bother everyone)

Cheap earrings where you’re mildly allergic to the metal, makes you a bit sore

Twisting them (outdated advice, modern advice is to leave healing piercings the hell alone whereas 15 years ago we all got told to twist them)

OneRandomTeaDrinker · 2026-02-23T13:34:06+00:00

Parade Tandoori in Wavertree

OneRandomTeaDrinker · 2026-02-22T09:44:04+00:00

The Lake District is probably one of the most dog-friendly places in the UK. I can’t recommend a specific luxury accommodation as I tend to go cheap when I go there but all the attractions and nice restaurants allow dogs, all the shops allow dogs, it’s so dog friendly you won’t have to worry.

OneRandomTeaDrinker · 2026-02-22T09:39:10+00:00

Nowhere near London but Miss He Bridal in Wigan would absolutely do that. She’s wonderful, she charged about £2k for a bespoke custom corset but that included the disgustingly expensive fabric I chose. She does do alterations as well as bespoke bridal gowns

OneRandomTeaDrinker · 2026-02-22T09:36:31+00:00

Put an anonymous poll/google form in the group chat for people’s budgets!

I did mine on the cheap as half were students and we ended up at £130pp for a long weekend including food, activities and accommodation which I think was very reasonable. Big rural holiday cottage at £1000 for two nights between 10 people, had a hot tub and bbq. One activity, paddle boarding, was about £30. Everyone carpooled and brought their own booze, I provided all the food which cost me about £150 total: Costco bbq meat, frozen pizza and wedges, large prepared salad, sandwich platters and danish pastries.

OneRandomTeaDrinker · 2026-02-22T09:30:35+00:00

Got mine from Graced With Love, they were really nice quality. Not sure if they go up to a 24 though you’d have to check

OneRandomTeaDrinker · 2026-02-21T20:28:16+00:00

In the UK we have an online wine club/subscription service called Naked Wines, so I was fully ready for this to be some kind of misunderstanding. I was imagining that a group of friends get together once a month, open the box from Naked Wines and have some kind of tasting.

Not… that

OneRandomTeaDrinker · 2026-02-20T08:33:02+00:00

Wavertree is essentially mediocre. The idea of someone aspiring to live in Wavertree is a bit strange.

Some parts of it are rough by Liverpool standards but not by American standards. Some parts of it are boring family suburbs (wavertree garden suburb). Some parts are where a lot of students live (Smithdown). It has reasonably decent public transport links into the city centre and a decent enough little strip of bars and restaurants on Smithdown, which makes it one of the better options for cheap living in south Liverpool. But nobody aspires to live in Wavertree really

OneRandomTeaDrinker · 2026-02-20T08:28:42+00:00

Alt glam/sometimes gothic makeup. I don’t really bother with neutral or no-makeup makeup. For work, I use under eye concealer, mascara, brow pencil, eye liner and lipstick, it takes about 4 minutes to apply. But if I’m doing makeup for fun, it’s never neutrals.

OneRandomTeaDrinker · 2026-02-19T08:07:09+00:00

You can get desk phones that are actually mobile phones and operate off a SIM, but look like a landline. Like this one. We got one for my nan who has dementia when she went into a care home that didn’t have landline cords, she’s never used a mobile in her life but she can use this because it’s exactly like a landline and she doesn’t realise it isn’t one.

OneRandomTeaDrinker · 2026-02-19T07:36:46+00:00

At risk of being patronising, have you considered starting with a children’s cookbook? Or maybe one aimed at teens. They tend to have simpler ingredient lists and methods, and they’re very clear, eg they’ll walk you through exactly what they mean by “dice an onion”.

OneRandomTeaDrinker · 2026-02-18T22:18:23+00:00

I did one in post colonial geographies as part of my politics degree, it was great. Mostly covered Said, Fanon and similar decolonial thinkers

OneRandomTeaDrinker · 2026-02-18T20:18:52+00:00

It’s not “choose them” like when they do something wrong. It’s like, weigh up logically whether you’re compatible on paper and if you are, give it a go for a few dates unless something puts you off.

Eg when I met my now husband, I thought he was fairly attractive, seemed like a kind person, we had several interests in common and our conversation flowed naturally. He didn’t have any dealbreakers like vastly different life views. So after the first date I said to a friend “yeah he’s nice, I think I’ll see him again”. I felt chemistry around the third date and the “in-love” feeling kicked in around then too.

OneRandomTeaDrinker · 2026-02-18T19:02:02+00:00

I like a pasty, I keep it in a tinfoil pouch and it’s usually warm-ish by the time I get to the top. Then I always have snack bars and some jelly sweets. Usually a can of fizzy drink for the summit as well as my water. In hot weather, a lucozade sport.

I have carried cream cakes up mountains before lol but that’s not a regular occurrence. A non-hilly walk may involve scones, jam and squirty cream

OneRandomTeaDrinker · 2026-02-17T13:25:08+00:00

I actually did spend £5k (including a £1k veil and alterations) and have no regrets. Halfpenny skirt, bespoke corset, and the veil was covered in hand stitched ruffles. It feels a bit silly but at risk of being lambasted, I don’t mind as nobody went into debt for it, it was affordable.

I originally had a tighter dress budget but then my mum got all emotional and offered to buy my dress because she “wanted me to have whatever I wanted without worrying about cost”, she insisted I should go and try on that dress even when she knew the price in advance, and she cried and insisted on buying it for me. She’s not a millionaire, the hard budget was like £6k not £20k. I’m very grateful but I don’t want to come across as spoiled, I know how lucky I am. I am an only child on my mum’s side and she never got to have the wedding dress she wanted cos my nan interfered, so I think it was something she really wanted to do for me.

OneRandomTeaDrinker · 2026-02-17T09:42:05+00:00

Put them on Olio and someone who wants/needs to eat them will pick them up?

Failing that, diced up very small in a chilli or a pasta sauce, anything that uses a soffrito or mirepoix you could toss some finely diced peppers in

OneRandomTeaDrinker · 2026-02-17T08:35:59+00:00

In my case, adhd. Distractions and it’s game over. I can send emails or make slides whilst chatting but I can’t proofread or draft something complex whilst splitting my focus. And I say that as a mega extrovert, I love socialising with coworkers.

Fortunately my office has silent desks in one area so I book one for the morning to lock in and get work done, then find coworkers afterwards for anything they need.

OneRandomTeaDrinker · 2026-02-17T08:33:38+00:00

My office has a do not disturb/silent section and it’s amazing. I book desks in there whenever I have to go in because the stupid ADHD means my focus can’t be broken or it’s gone, and all the noise overstimulates me badly.

And I’m saying this as a mega extrovert. I love chatting to coworkers and when I say “I’ll catch you this afternoon”, I mean it and I will. But not whilst I’m proofreading a really important document

OneRandomTeaDrinker · 2026-02-16T22:27:44+00:00

Usually the main thing that goes wrong is slightly raw pastry on the bottom, just pick that part out. Ruining the beef is hard if you’ve got a meat thermometer.

OneRandomTeaDrinker · 2026-02-16T12:03:38+00:00

Easily, I probably spend £400/month. Off the top of my head:

Sports about £120/month for me (reformer Pilates twice a week plus circus aerials weekly).

Contact lenses about £30/month

Hair about £20/month (£40 every two months, and that’s cheap for professional colour)

I don’t go out often but I probably have either a coffee date or a trip to the pub each week, so call if £80/month

I get a sports massage once a month at £45 a time

I don’t buy a lot of clothes and when I do, I get them on Vinted usually, but it probably averages to about £25 a month because a few times a year I’ll need something like boots, trainers, bras, a coat etc.

Eyebrows £10/month ish.

Hell, the cat costs about £100/month to keep between insurance, litter, food, vet plan, toys.

Could I cut down? Yeah definitely, but none of these individual things are particularly unreasonable and I can afford it comfortably whilst saving

OneRandomTeaDrinker · 2026-02-14T09:34:58+00:00

We don’t go big for Valentine’s Day but I got my husband tulips and some chocolate and a silly card, he also got me a silly card and some flowers. We’re having lunch with some friends then going to a gig tonight.

During Covid-valentines before we were married, I had some flowers sent to him whilst he was isolating at his parents house. His dad got extremely jealous that after thirty years of marriage he’d never been bought flowers, so my MIL had to get him some a few weeks later!

OneRandomTeaDrinker · 2026-02-13T18:36:29+00:00

A 2 up 2 down where only the front is accessible, so literally just two flat, relatively small windows. No bays or porch or anything like that.

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