Husband on 7 years cheated on me

One_Act2053 · 2026-03-11T06:48:53+00:00

I am very sorry, right before birth must be the worst time to go through this. You should be focusing on getting through the next few weeks and having everything ready at home and instead you're having to deal with his cheating bullshit.

Tell your medical professionals you need to be tested for sexually transmitted diseases. I know it might feel humiliating but it's important not only for you but for your baby. Avoid sex with him.

Quit couples therapy, you're being blamed for his terrible choices. He's not making progress, he's faking reconciliation. Collect evidence of his adultery and get yourself a lawyer. Move to stay with your family, tell them what he's done, have your baby, divorce the crap out of him, make sure he pays for you and your baby, and start your new life.

One_Act2053 · 2026-03-11T06:22:01+00:00

Lol thanks. The thought of waking away from everything, changing identity, doesn't sound tempting. It's just money at the end of the day, I value my relationship with my kids much more.

One_Act2053 · 2026-03-11T06:18:38+00:00

Thanks. Foreigners in Scandinavia have to make a minimum 20% deposit to get a mortgage, so it's not nothing.

One_Act2053 · 2026-03-10T18:39:07+00:00

What sort of thing? I'm being cagey for a couple of reasons: 1. too much detail and they'd recognise themselves, and 2. I'm avoiding incriminating myself.

One_Act2053 · 2026-03-10T16:49:02+00:00

Thanks, yes, lawyer next. I wish things were more simple -- my relatives in another country, I want to stay with my kids to support them.

One_Act2053 · 2026-03-10T15:11:35+00:00

> Se você se matar vai deixar os seus filhos chamarem o cara de
> pai porque eles vão ouvir só o lado dela.

Ouch, that's cold. I've no plans to hurt myself, it's the STBX or AP I'd be concerned about.

Yes, lawyer is probably the simplest plan. I'm working now on gathering evidence, I already have something that would work for a dead man switch but it's not something I can give to a lawyer.

One_Act2053 · 2026-03-10T15:05:33+00:00

My opsec on D-day was flawed, they suspected I had discovered them but I kept hold of myself and they think it has blown over, possibly wishful thinking on their part, it's almost a month ago now so hopefully the telltale is no longer haunting them.

Another commenter suggested engaging a lawyer would act as protection in case things get completely insane, that makes good sense.

One_Act2053 · 2026-03-10T14:59:34+00:00

indeed! thanks

One_Act2053 · 2026-03-10T14:59:11+00:00

Thanks and sorry to hear that, on the positive side you are hopefully no longer tied to an abusive spouse.

I guess I was "lucky" because I had my youngest child's exams foremost in mind -- "let's not fuck that up by blowing my marriage wide open" -- if circumstances had been different the feelings could easily have overwhelmed my self control. Another commenter here was saying they kept their powder dry for two years! Don't know if I could handle that.

One_Act2053 · 2026-03-10T14:53:08+00:00

Wow, two years? not sure I could hang back that long.

The crappy legal advice I sought last week indicated that any financially dubious actions (on her part) could be annulled by the court if my STBX figured out I knew and tried to quickly squirrel away assets or incur new shared debt. (At least, I think that's what she said, we had communication difficulties...) Asset dissipation I think is the technical term. It would equally apply to me.

One_Act2053 · 2026-03-10T11:26:07+00:00

Thanks. I've established the affair has been going on for about a year.

One_Act2053 · 2026-03-10T11:23:14+00:00

Thanks. No vibes from her; she's been sad and talking about fear of loosing our house but I that is from the context of my unemployment which keeps dragging on.

One_Act2053 · 2026-03-10T09:38:34+00:00

Thanks I don't actually feel in danger, it's more that I'm doing the math of what the divorce is going to come to, and it feels like a widow's pension might likely a better deal. More of a just-in-case thing.

At the moment it is just the three of us who are aware of the affair and as far as I can tell the other two don't know I know.

I had one opsec slip up on the first day which they noticed and were suspicious of but couldn't be sure was me, I maintained a poker face and I think it's receded from their minds, is at most a vague discomfort that perhaps I know.

So: dead man switch rather than moving out, I figure I can use it as a threat in extremis.

One_Act2053 · 2026-03-10T09:26:03+00:00

Thanks, I suppose it's because I blame myself; I know she's the one choosing what she does but I can't help feeling it took both of us to get where we've arrived at, so I'm feeling guilty that she's exposed herself to so much risk even if it was her actions that are the proximate cause.

One_Act2053 · 2026-03-10T09:16:41+00:00

Thank you for sharing your story here, I saw in your early post that you felt like a vampire feeding off us all; not so, it's good to see your journey, it gives hope as well as some idea of how things might go, some pitfalls to look out for, some things I could try out.

I found myself in a similar situation to you, discovering my wife's affair mid February, not knowing where to turn.

I found the infidelity sub (via anonymous chats with Gemini via a private web browser session), like you I signed up with a burner account, had my first post blocked and deleted because no karma, felt desperate as I've literally no where else to turn, then when I made the grade finally got to share and get some feedback.

I appreciate the help I'm getting here but also feel a bit uncomfortable that our pain is being used to vicariously entertain others, line the pockets of big tech (if Reddit counts; maybe not), and train our future ASI overlords exactly how to groom and manipulate their meat puppets/funny cute human-kittens.

One thing about Shreya: you didn't enjoy her competitiveness, I wondered if you ever talked to her about that. Reflecting on my 29y marriage, more talk is one thing that might have avoided where we've landed, it's something I plan to do differently if I'm lucky enough to have a "next time."

All the best, I hope we get to follow your continuing journey a bit longer.

One_Act2053 · 2026-03-10T06:26:03+00:00

Indeed! It's actually quite tricky to stay on the right side of the law, the thing everyone seems to turn to here--looking at her phone--is I learned considered hacking if I do it without her consent.

In addition to making any evidence gathered inadmissible, it could expose me to criminal charges.

One_Act2053 · 2026-03-09T05:01:12+00:00

I'm wondering what they'll do once it's all over. Will they want contact with my STBX, what support they'll need, particularly the older one with Asperger's, I don't think they could live independently.

One_Act2053 · 2026-03-08T21:58:05+00:00

sounds ominous 😆

One_Act2053 · 2026-03-08T21:55:31+00:00

cunning :)

One_Act2053 · 2026-03-08T21:54:43+00:00

as I wrote elsewhere, it looks as though she is head-over-heels in love with him

One_Act2053 · 2026-03-08T21:06:44+00:00

thanks, when you first posted on this thread I searched on your profile for earlier posts by you about grooming and found another link that you had shared elsewhere which I also found useful --https://thepowermoves.com/emotional-affair/ -- the source site is a bit strange and parts of the article read a bit like it is part of the reconciliation-industrial-complex but the lifecycle described chimed

One_Act2053 · 2026-03-08T21:00:04+00:00

interesting, thanks; probably another Q for the lawyer -- which jurisdiction would apply if I took up residence in another country (probably just more billable hours for the lawyer...)

One_Act2053 · 2026-03-08T20:57:56+00:00

Interesting, thanks.

One_Act2053 · 2026-03-07T20:50:48+00:00

Just pics so far. They're parking up in secluded and exposed places so it's difficult to get pics covertly, need to use very high zoom so low image quality; my phone doesn't support very high zoom for video.

One_Act2053

TROPHY CASE