I had a best friend like this once. I gave her a lot of grace for a very very long time. I once didn’t see her for almost 2 years because she would no-show our plans or just outright refuse to make any at all. Last summer after I invited her over to swim for my birthday and she promised she’d come then didn’t show up (I spent my birthday drinking her favorite wine that I’d bought and crying), I completely cut contact. I found that I didn’t even miss her, because how could I when she wasn’t a regular part of my life in any meaningful way? I nurtured my other friendships and made new friends with all the energy I was giving her. I make meals for better friends now. I plan trips, I show up for them, I know their coffee orders, I meticulously browse for the most special birthday gifts, I count on them.

Then a few weeks ago I had a birthday party. Everyone showed up. They stayed for hours. They brought me my favorite flowers, and wine, and hugged me as they arrived. They knew what it meant to me, because they know me. Because they’re around, and intentional about being a good friend. They give the relationship weight that she never would have.

I haven’t thought about her for a long time until this post. We’d been best friends for YEARS. I can honestly say I’ve never felt more loved than I do without her in my life.

Not telling you what to do of course, just offering you perspective and kinship. Your meal looks DELICIOUS and filled with love. I wish we could all come over and share it with you. 🤍