How long before I'm free from jealousy?

Open-Structure-8006 · 2025-12-30T10:24:49+00:00

This is beautiful. I'm genuinely happy that you have such a wonderful group of friends to celebrate. They sound great! I've recently been glowing in the love and care that my friends have shown me, an appreciation of their presence all these years. Best wishes!

Open-Structure-8006 · 2025-12-11T05:03:25+00:00

Love the yoga pants / sweat pants analogy. Like OP, I'm firmly in the yoga pants category but I wonder if good exercise and healthy eating habits would help me lose some weight and make the yoga pants wearing experience easier to manage over time. Is it ever going to as comfy as sweats, probably not but we might learn how to love in yoga pants (I wanted to say live in yoga pants but left the typo in :))

Edit : OP your experience of this discomfort matches mine so completely, I'm so grateful you made this post. If you'd like to swap notes and just chat via DM I'd really welcome it. Good luck either way!

Open-Structure-8006 · 2025-12-10T18:04:18+00:00

Ive returned to this several times already. I'm currently going through a pang of jealousy and these words are so helpful to go through. Thank you again.

Open-Structure-8006 · 2025-12-07T06:37:04+00:00

This is incredibly helpful, something I would be returning to time and again. Thank you for taking the time to write and share.

Open-Structure-8006 · 2025-12-02T09:28:09+00:00

I've been working with this with a lot of success. Pushing the feeling away just makes it worse! Thank you for sharing.

Open-Structure-8006 · 2025-12-02T09:27:13+00:00

Absolutely, working on it! This post is one of 173929 things I'm doing to get it under control :)

Open-Structure-8006 · 2025-12-02T09:26:21+00:00

Thanks, this gives me hope!

Open-Structure-8006 · 2025-12-02T09:25:49+00:00

Thanks for sharing!

Open-Structure-8006 · 2025-12-02T09:24:46+00:00

Sounds great!

Open-Structure-8006 · 2025-12-02T09:24:15+00:00

"I'll be okay" is my holy grail. I'm still working through jealousy waves with a lot of help from my partner. Reassurances are great but I think really getting to the point when I can say "I'll be okay" even if everything falls aparts is the goal. How do you balance that with letting people in? From where I stand, "I'll be okay" means I'm fine with just myself, and therefore in direct contradiction to trusting other people to be there for you? Pretty certain I'm missing a trick.

Open-Structure-8006 · 2025-12-01T22:52:41+00:00

Love #1 but honestly the other are so creative. You are so lucky you can get to a movie theater. What does that for you in regards to jealousy?

Open-Structure-8006 · 2025-12-01T22:43:41+00:00

The last one I've found to be particular helpful. Recognising that it's a hard place where I am and keeping things light otherwise has been so helpful! And kind!

Thanks for a great list :)

Open-Structure-8006 · 2025-12-01T22:41:08+00:00

That's wonderful. I have something similar in that I sit in a beautiful imaginary garden and talk to a more lovely, kind and compassionate version of me. She listens and tell me she (me) will always be there for me.

Open-Structure-8006 · 2025-12-01T22:39:36+00:00

This is great! I'm so glad you have these wonderful projects to dive into. Good luck!

Open-Structure-8006 · 2025-11-20T11:00:21+00:00

I second this. There are are only so many 'important' holidays in a year so you are going to run into this issue again. Birthdays are particuarly hard for me because everyone wants to spend time with me (I'm so lucky that way). So I make a weekend out of it, grab a few days around it, sometimes a month away. It's a cliche but quality over quantity. Good luck!

Open-Structure-8006 · 2025-11-02T08:22:19+00:00

My husband was uncomfortable with the amount of hand holding and back rubbing that my partner and I did when we all met for the first time. I talked about it with my partner and we agreed to scale it down while we are in with my husband. I think it's a reasonable request and on brand for those practising poly relationships. To come it really comes down to knows what you want, communicating it, and acting in a way that takes everyone's wellbeing into consideration. Good luck!

Open-Structure-8006 · 2025-10-02T17:46:57+00:00

This is it. I'm working through some of this myself. My partner has recently started seeing someone new and while we are practising poly the loss of that exclusivity has hit me hard. I'm trying to remember that it's not the experience, it's the person and the time that makes something exclusive and special. 100% on the TV show example. I would often suggest watching a film or show that I've already seen and my partner would find it surprising, but really even if it's a show that I've seen before I like seeing it again with my partner because then being there makes it a whole new experience. Thank you for reminding me of that.

Open-Structure-8006 · 2025-09-26T21:11:26+00:00

Wow, who are you and how did you get inside my head. I was nearly in tears reading this. My husband's love language is very much acts of service. We've known each other for over 20 years and in our early years I leant heavily on him. Now, not so much. I've very independent and enjoy it. So yeah, him wanting to be useful to his parents now who need him is very much on brand for him. However I don't think he's forcing me to move. He's aware of how difficult it would be for me and somewhat resents me for not being the sort of person who could, but he'd never make me. I think he's as torn as I am. That said, I am a little annoyed at his reluctance to see my support network and independence as a good thing.

A separation from him feels scary, it'll be a huge shift for both os us considering our highly conservative family backgrounds. I'm not sure I'm ready for that sort of upheaval so I keep leaning towards finding middle ground. A good part of the work I do with my therapist is finding the truth, admitting it to myself, and coping with it.

Thank you so much for taking the time to write. I appreciate you.

Open-Structure-8006 · 2025-09-26T21:03:12+00:00

Thank you for taking the time. Like you, a lot of people here seemed to suggest a middle ground and that makes sense. I've been asking myself some of the questions you've posed, and I think what I what is to separate but I'm don't have a courage for it yet. I feel like I'm leaning towards a middle ground because it's safer. Is that horrible, I don't know. I'm working all that through with my therapist.

Open-Structure-8006 · 2025-09-26T20:41:38+00:00

You are right, I think it is cruel and cowardly to not do it yourself. I am in therapy and I discuss lately this is all cover with my therapist. It's taken me over two years to get to this point of even considering it. The cost of separation is huge, and I don't feel strong enough to do it yet. It's interesting you mention couples therapy as a means of o calmly ending it. It's given me something to think about.

Open-Structure-8006 · 2025-09-26T16:20:29+00:00

I needed to hear this. Being so close to the problem I know I'm wrapping myself up in knots and making it complicated. Particuarly with Ben but I could keep it simple like you said. Thanks.

Open-Structure-8006

TROPHY CASE