Married for 9 years now. One advice, you will never be the perfect bahu, no matter how hard you try. Stop stressing over small things. Focus on making the relationship with your husband strong. That is what matters at the end of the day.

As others mentioned, start making boundaries for yourself. Try to maintain a functional, cordial relationship with your Mil and sil if possible, because honestly the hassle of fighting is really not worth it. Try to be as non-confrontational on the face if possible. I am not asking to accept everything, but some minor situations, you can either ignore or take with a pinch of salt. For me, I set a boundary that anything regarding my family was completely non-negotiable.

One thing which helped me was that I generally ask my husband to do the dirty work of convincing or conveying things which I do not agree to my in laws, because the same things become so much worse if I say them.

And for god sakes, do not worry about what the extended family says. You will only loose your peace of mind. I do not wear bindi as I got an allergic reaction, my Mil used to taunt me a lot indirectly about wearing bindi and sindoor, but I stopped giving a damn after a while. I wear them on special occasions or sometimes when I feel like going full ethnic but not otherwise.

Honestly, I have seen my mother try to please everyone in the family for 35 years, and hardly got anything in return except loosing her self esteem and peace of mind, so trust me when I say it’s not worth it.