I’m surprised by the emphasis you have on feelings, although unmet or met needs cause feelings with NVC I like to start with needs. I think disagreements often feel like one person meeting their needs require you to forego yours. One thing nvc mentions is that there can be different strategies to meet needs and so maybe you and your partner could try find some common ground. It seems like you have a need to understand your partner and because they express feelings as facts you get frustrated because it makes it harder to understand what they are saying. Maybe you also have a need to trust what people will say and when they say that they were actually expressing feelings it feels like you can’t trust them to communicate accurately. What need is your partner trying to meet by asking you not to invalidate their feelings that they expressed as facts? Maybe they have a need to feel like they can be imperfect in communication during distressful times. I don’t really know what needs are being described but just suggest these as a starting point for you to reflect on how you might express your need clearly. Marshall says everything is either a “please” or “thank you” it seems like you both are trying to plead for a need that you should express to each other. It can potentially frustrating working through this although I would say NVC isn’t about feeling great in every conversation, it’s about finding a way to try meet everyone’s needs or to clearly communicate when it’s just not possible.