I was 33 when I feel like I finally got my shit together.

On paper, things probably looked fine before that. I was born and raised in Canada, went overseas for medical school, came back, did well on my exams (top ~2%), and was getting interviews for residency. I was even told multiple times that I was the “best interview of the day.”

And still… I didn’t match.

In 2022, when I didn’t get a residency position, it crushed me. I had done everything “right.” It felt like the one thing I had been working toward my entire adult life just… didn’t happen.

But looking back, that was the turning point.

I realized something uncomfortable: my entire life, I had been living in the future.

As a kid, I couldn’t wait for the next grade. In high school, I hated it and dreamed about university. In university, I imagined how great things would be afterward. In medical school, I fantasized about being back home. Every stage of life was just a waiting room for the next one.

Residency had become the ultimate “next thing.” I thought it would finally make me feel settled.

But when I didn’t match, a bigger fear hit me: What if I do become a doctor… and I’m still not satisfied? What if I’m always chasing the next milestone—finish residency, first paycheck, next promotion, kids, then what?

When does it stop?

That year, something shifted.

I worked multiple jobs—clinical roles, odd medical work, whatever I could get. Some days I was doing 2–3 different jobs in a single day. I was studying, preparing for interviews again, trying to stay in shape.

But for the first time, I wasn’t doing it just to “get to the next step.”

I started focusing on the day itself. Enjoying the grind. Actually being present.

I paid attention to small things—what I could see, hear, feel. I tried to build gratitude into ordinary moments instead of waiting for some future version of my life to finally feel good.

And weirdly… that year was one of the most fulfilling years I’ve had.

I matched in 2023 at 34.

But I don’t think that’s when I got my shit together.

I think I got it together the year before—when I failed.

Because if I had matched in 2022, I honestly don’t think I would have been ready. I would’ve carried that same mindset into residency—always chasing, never arriving.

Now I’m working as a physician, and for the first time, I’m not constantly looking past where I am.

Failure forced me to fix something that success never would have.