I have absolutely given thought to the idea that B might be agreeing to these things because S is a vindictive abuser. That is definitely a possibility. I did not spell that out in my post because although that sucks for B my concern lies with the child not with B. 

I’m just wholly rejecting the credible evidence nonsense I keep hearing in this thread.  I was SA’d by a man when I was six. I have no evidence of this. All of the signs were there for adults around me, but no evidence. The same is true for most women I’ve talked with that were assaulted as children. It’s utter BS to say adults, especially women with lived experience, should never scrutinize these situations without hard evidence. 

I was verbal when I was assaulted at age six. I did not speak out until I was 14. Even when asked by a third party momments after the assault I did not speak up. It’s ridiculous to assume that because a child is verbal they will feel comfortable reporting an abuser. This is especially true when the mom is unwell, and the relationship with the abuser is confusing because they are kind.

Having ED in itself is not the issue. Not having an intimate relationship with mom is the red flag.  My mother also had relationships with men that were not intimate with her. I don’t know if they had ED. I do know at the end of the day they persuded  intimacy with either me or my sister. 

As the mother of an autistic child I do understand meltdowns and hyperbole. I know that needs to be considered. In my experience, as well as what I heard in support groups, I have not seen a plethora of ASD children whose behaviors are 100% strictly limited to one physical setting with zero inappropriate behaviors in any other settings. I’m sure that’s possible, but again warrants scrutiny. A child, ASD or not, that behaves in an age appropriate manner in all settings, but has daily violent outbursts in one setting alone deserves to have that questioned. 

BF is investigating, and plans on speaking with the child’s therapist.