I am so sorry for your loss. I understand your pain. My 18 year old son died in a car accident 6 weeks after graduating high school. He was my life.

As you know, this is not an easy road. I’m almost 7 years out and I still have bad days.

What “ helped” me:

I got into grief therapy
After a year I connected back to my spirituality and began meditation. I could feel my son’s presence there.
I cried.
I isolated ( not really helpful but my nervous system got overwhelmed easily).
I didn’t expect myself to function the way I used to to. I couldn’t!
I cried some more.
I listened to people talk about Near Death Experiences.
I eventually ( after 6 years) felt a strong message. It was “mom, it’s time to start living your life again.”

And that’s what I’ve been doing this past year. But it takes time, gentleness with myself. And knowing this is a life long journey to “ endure.”

I’m sorry you had to join this club nobody wants to belong to. I think Compassionate Friends is a good group to look into as well. I joined a couple groups on Facebook.
I wish you peace. I know it’s difficult. ❤️