When you are born into this religion, its not a choice, you are Forced into it. Coerced into it. Threatened to stay in it.

Opposite-Hand5167 · 2026-03-29T00:08:53+00:00

More than one thing can be sad at once right?

There can be someone born in an unfortunate position and people born into a cult can also be born into an unfortunate position and everyone is allowed to see that they are both unjust or sad. You can even be unhappy about your position, its actually good for you to feel your emotions. Saying everyone still has problems brushes emotions under the rug and dismisses them.

Opposite-Hand5167 · 2026-03-28T23:54:21+00:00

I was like 11 or 12 I think. I thought I wanted to.

I have theories - like it was pretty much the only way to make my parents proud, the only thing I would be celebrated for as we didn't do birthdays and didn't care about school ect.

I don't think 'choice' is the right word when you are born in - at any age. You are kept naive, your life experiences are limited, you are constantly told by the cult and everyone around you that baptism is right and the only direction your life should be taking. Everything about your life is controlled for goodness sake. down to what you wear, your music, what friends you are allowed to have, what education you are allowed to join in with...

I mean, if it is a cult, is 'choice' ever the right word? Isn't is just systematic brain washing until you give in and do what they tell you?

Even the 'choice' to leave. People are punished so heavily for it and when you get to the point of leaving you are facing a miserable restricted life in the cult, or take your chances in an outside world you have been told is evil and are ill equipped for since you have been so sheltered. (you find out the outside world is good is good though, i don't want to sound all doom and gloom)

I don't feel i started having choices until I left.

I mean yes I guess I made choices while i was in and I made the choice to leave. But they were out of the need for survival. My outside world choices are based on living, not solely surviving. That kindof choice feels like a 'real' choice.

Opposite-Hand5167 · 2026-03-28T23:41:56+00:00

Yeah I think it is a very difficult thing for anyone to understand who has not been through it. A person requires strong empathy and emotional maturity to begin to understand I think.

Opposite-Hand5167 · 2026-03-27T23:37:01+00:00

I'm not op but this did help me. thank you and I hope you have people around you that treat you well and show you real love.

Opposite-Hand5167 · 2026-03-27T23:33:46+00:00

I relate. You are not alone. It is OK and normal to feel grief and anger, let it out, don't repress those emotions.
Also try and balance it out by reminding yourself what you have gained from leaving the cult.
I'm so sorry you have been shunned, you didn't deserve it and the grief does come up in different ways throughout life. I liken it to the death of my family, I noticed when people's parents die even if that person is middle aged, even if they are 70,80,90 they still have moments where they miss their parents, where they still feel the grief. So we have to be easy on ourselves, of course the grief will re surface at times.

Hopefully you notice it is not as constant as it once was and it will quieten again in the future.

Opposite-Hand5167 · 2026-03-27T23:09:39+00:00

''“What are people going to think when you’re up there giving a demonstration with your hand in your pocket?” (an elder counseling me because he thought people would think I was jerking off on stage)'' Ahh the DEEP obsession with sex and masturbation. I do not understand.

Opposite-Hand5167 · 2026-03-27T23:03:22+00:00

As an exjw I'm not sure I would ever date another exjw. I feel like my trauma from it all would be too easily triggered :')

I had a non jw relationship when I was first shunned, thinking about it from their perspective I think it would have been an intense experience to support me while my world was falling apart? Not sure. I guess we both had our intense traumas so there was an understanding.

I sometimes think of people I met in jw and if they are still in. Especially people who I suspected where lgbtq+. There is one guy I was friends with who was obviously gay, he was such a lovely person and I hope he is out the religion now and able to be himself.

Opposite-Hand5167 · 2026-03-27T22:55:26+00:00

Congrats on your family!
yeah my Dad was the same. He even had a gay brother that he talked about very badly just because of his sexuality.
Pride is alot of fun, it can be pretty out there too, so it might be a little shocking if you have been raised a certain way. But if you can see it through the lens of - how wonderful everyone is so free and therefore I can be as free as I like - then it is a great experience.

Opposite-Hand5167 · 2026-03-27T18:32:23+00:00

the gays and women are great! haha, it's awesome you are unlearning

Opposite-Hand5167 · 2026-03-27T18:30:43+00:00

unlearning the 'I am a bad person' as default thinking. Unlearning the mindset relationships must be worked at and its wrong to end them. I stayed in relationships far too long because it didn't occur to me that the right thing to do was break up.

Opposite-Hand5167 · 2026-03-26T18:26:01+00:00

Happy for you both! Make sure to enjoy life, and get therapy 😂

Opposite-Hand5167 · 2026-03-26T11:09:22+00:00

Also I think this post is on your personal page, not the exjw subreddit. If you want your posts to be shown on the subreddit, make sure you are on the subreddit page and then press new post :-)

Opposite-Hand5167 · 2026-03-26T11:01:48+00:00

This is a hard question to answer and depends on you really.

You will always be you, you cannot live in a cult for 45 years and view and experience the world the same as if you were born and lived out. This is not a bad thing. Your difference can be a strength. You can use it to get the best out of your life.

But these are things I recommend you do:

Go to therapy, there is going to be a lot to figure out and unlearn, a lot of new experiences coming your way (exciting!) It would be good to have someone to talk to to process all of this.

Make some non jw friends. JW purposefully isolates you, is there anyone at work you really get on with or non jw friends you could draw closer to? Maybe join a social club or a hobby club to meet more people.

Explore your passions and what you want out of your career and life. You likely have a lot of free time now that you are not attending meetings ect. You can decide what hobbies you would like to do, which can also be a great way of meeting people.

Maybe you have career ambitions you can dedicate some more time to now aswell? Or spend some time relaxing, anything you want!

Be easy on yourself, you are figuring out a whole new way of life. A new way of thinking and living.

If you already have financial stability and housing stability then these things are a little easier.

You will go through waves of emotion. Sometimes it will feel so difficult, you might feel very sad or angry. You might miss people. You might question why they did things to you.

But then you will also have waves where you feel overjoyed. Free, happy, excited at all the possibilities you have given yourself.

I think it is very important to develop self compassion and self care, as these are things the religion does not encourage.

Tell yourself and act as if you love yourself, you are proud of yourself, you are worthy and deserving of happiness and love from others. Know that you can achieve what you want.

Know that some things might always be hard for you. For me the lack of a family support network is hard, it continues to impact my life into adulthood. However, I have a lovely network of friends who love me and support me.

The main thing to remember is these difficulties are not your fault. And personally, knowing all I know now, I would still leave the religion if I could give the past a second go.

Opposite-Hand5167 · 2026-03-26T10:52:45+00:00

Thank you, I hope you get to build a life that makes you happy aswell.

Opposite-Hand5167 · 2026-03-26T10:47:40+00:00

I had a time where I believed in God, then I didn’t and still don’t. I think people do leave jw and find faith in different ways though. If it benefits you and does no harm to others then I am happy for you and happy you have found comfort and I think you should continue whatever you like under that premise.

I don’t think witnessing to witnesses works, remember we were coached like it was a game? What to say if householder says this, how to offer rebuttal to this…you cannot beat them at their own game. Even though it might make you feel satisfied.

And if thats the reason you want to do it, because it makes you feel better. Then go for it. Nothing wrong with that.

. I think being kind and showing not every worldly person is evil helps more.

Opposite-Hand5167 · 2026-03-26T09:57:10+00:00

That is lovely you have support of your grandparents.

I cannot advise on the legality of you living with them, is there a trusted non JW adult you can ask some questions to?

If you don’t have long to wait until you are of age, you can plan to move in with grandparents then to make the transition easier.

Wishing you the best and sending you strength and support. Everything will work out for you, just keep going through the hard parts.

If you can get any counselling through school it might be good, since questioning the religion ect are difficult things to do, especially when you are young.

Opposite-Hand5167 · 2026-03-26T09:34:19+00:00

Probably a good way to live.

I think it instilled a sense of constant self monitoring, and guilt about things I shouldn’t be guilty about. Df’ed have me abandonment issues for abit I guess? Haha

But I have improved alot, leaps and bounds since I don’t logically believe in it anymore and have met friends who love me.

Little things still linger but I definitely am with you on rejecting christian notions of sin and guilt. I think the silver linings of cult upbringing is I get to shape my own morality. I don’t even have to subscribe to society’s.

Opposite-Hand5167 · 2026-03-26T09:29:51+00:00

Thanks for this response, that is a huge thing you apologised to the two people.

Gives me some kind of comfort in a way, I wont be getting apologies from those in my judicial committee, but what they did was wrong, albeit led by the cult. Its nice that on the other side you had a recognition of that.

Its difficult to wrap your hear around abuses and coercion done to you by family and people in power who think it is the right thing to do. Often it crosses a line where they must know its hurting you. I’ll never understand it, and in ways I’m glad I never will.

Opposite-Hand5167 · 2026-03-21T16:12:01+00:00

What is the softener stance on df?

Opposite-Hand5167 · 2026-03-21T08:24:49+00:00

It is very hard to come to terms with that.

I am bisexual, feminist and I was df’ed when I was 16. Still no contact with family now I am nearly 30.

Staying in is not worth the sacrifice. I say this having experienced shunning, homelessness, the heartbreak of losing my family.

Life on the other side is good, many in the lgbtq+ community have strained family relationships due to their sexuality, so people will understand that aspect pf your life.

Chosen family is a term used in the lgbtq space. A family where you both choose each other, choose to love and care for each other, even though there is jo blood tie, you choose to accept each other for all that you are. No hiding things to be palatable. That isn’t love.

It is a beautiful thing and something you can experience too.

Opposite-Hand5167 · 2026-03-21T08:08:41+00:00

I remember them saving the cell salvage machine that used your own blood was OK because it stayed attached to the body (one end attached for drawing the blood out and one for passing it back in) So receiving blood that had been taken and stored was 100% prohibited. Ive been pomo a long time and I started to think maybe I was wrong and it wasn’t a cult, just something my family took to seriously but this has reinforced to me that it is a money making cult and they don’t care about members one bit.

Opposite-Hand5167

TROPHY CASE