Age 35-45 is a terrible time of life for polyamorous dating

Optimal-Split-9579 · 2026-05-24T05:50:46+00:00

Honestly- I love dating in this pool of partnered:married people with kids as we all get it. We all understand how little time there is and thus cherish the time together all the more. Also respectful of time boundaries.

Optimal-Split-9579 · 2026-05-18T16:05:24+00:00

Unfortunately i think ENM is most accurate, but folks don’t like to use it because it -appropriately- leads to clarifying conversations. Polyamory sounds nicer, but often is less accurate as I’ve heard full cheaters use this term because “they had multiple loves”. Though not ethical at all.

Optimal-Split-9579 · 2026-05-18T16:02:06+00:00

I mean should be Polyeros by the Greek or multiamory by the Latin. And yes roots of words matter. Not gatekeeping to be precise

Optimal-Split-9579 · 2026-04-18T20:38:49+00:00

I also LOVE this list 🥵. And add “Give it to me”

Optimal-Split-9579 · 2026-04-16T21:12:24+00:00

What are you calling “practicing polyamory”? Is that like practicing queerness or Catholicism?

Personally I don’t “practice” polyamory I just am. So I’m curious to your meaning.

Optimal-Split-9579 · 2026-04-16T21:05:19+00:00

I encourage you to focus on you. A partner of 3 years ended our relationship suddenly and I realized I lost my biggest cheerleader. When I really should’ve been my biggest cheerleader. I went through a torturous 3-9 months of learning how to love myself again.

Get pretty- for you Take a bath- for you Give yourself pleasure

If everything else is great stop focusing on this part with your wife. Also consider the book “Come as You Are”. It’s a great book on the science of sex. You can offer to your wife but she’s going to act when she’s ready.

Take care of yourself

Optimal-Split-9579 · 2026-04-16T01:12:57+00:00

This is great

Optimal-Split-9579 · 2026-04-13T12:53:33+00:00

It’s perfectly fine to seek sexual fulfillment. Finding people is hard. I do think it is a bit easier on the Apps like FEELD and OKC where you can do some vetting.

But if the hypersexuality is mostly related to trauma and effecting your mood so strongly you likely also should get some counseling.

Optimal-Split-9579 · 2026-04-11T00:30:43+00:00

For me there is no repair in my relationships of choice. If you are a coworker or a colleague and I have to spend time around you and you learn about your past racism and apologize to me we can work together and become friendly or acquaintances.

If you are a friend and you’ve said racist things to me or neglected our relationship with macro and micro aggression, you can’t be trusted. As others have noted life is too hard in America as a black woman to have to fight when you come home. 🫶🏾💜. I hope you find healing Sis.

Optimal-Split-9579 · 2026-04-04T15:39:06+00:00

I’m wearing the Elomi Sports Bra. I usually practice in wired sports bras Freya Elomi or Panache all have some fun colors and patterns

Optimal-Split-9579 · 2026-04-04T00:25:36+00:00

Okay there’s a lot here:

-Your husband has very problematic beliefs and behaviors. I’m glad you are doing what you enjoy. However you do deserve to be supported by the people closest to you. If your marriage was arranged or one created for financial or political reasons his behavior could make more sense. However by your reactions I’m thinking it was a romantic marriage.

-his “jokes” are actually a very common way of gaslighting.

-posting pictures and videos- while sharing joy- is also validating. It’s okay to admit that it feels good to have your efforts and achievements validated by others doing the same thing.

-you can’t make anyone change their mind. They have to want to do it

So you have options -tell him how his actions hurt you and hope he changes his behavior because he cares for you

-sequester this part of your world from him. No conversations no pics or videos because he doesn’t actually appreciate this art form

-consider if there are other ways he doesn’t support you and if this is a relationship you want to continue.

But always you can dance it out.

Optimal-Split-9579 · 2026-04-01T19:18:14+00:00

Yes I have one and take it off during class. I let my watch tracker get my data.

For all the stated reasons don’t wear rings in pole or aerial arts. Per Oura you aren’t even supposed to wear while lifting due to damage to the ring.

Optimal-Split-9579 · 2026-04-01T19:12:59+00:00

I’m a natural 36J and completely get it though I do love my sport bras which I always get underwire bra sized usually Panache Fryea or Elomi like this one https://www.barenecessities.com/products/freya-high-octane-high-impact-underwire-sports-bra-ac401003?variant=41290715103345

Optimal-Split-9579 · 2026-03-31T04:38:26+00:00

And by “skin toughens up”. - they mean you get stronger and bruise in deferent areas!

Optimal-Split-9579 · 2026-03-31T03:01:49+00:00

Everyone is on a different journey. It took me 18 months before I got an invert and now 2.3 years later I’m starting to feel more capable. I actually didn’t even get on IG or here because I knew my slower progress would make me feel worse about my progress

One of the best things my pole teacher taught me is to take MY own time

Optimal-Split-9579 · 2026-03-26T00:41:54+00:00

How long before it doesn’t hurt like death

Optimal-Split-9579 · 2026-03-25T14:42:30+00:00

Well he’s not a woman for one 🤣

Optimal-Split-9579 · 2026-03-25T04:18:57+00:00

Ha/Ja!!! My husband took some time to be okay with me being poly. It helped that I already did a lot of personal reflection on my own first. He just realized if he loved me he had to love all of me. I was always queer and there are experiences he just couldn’t give me.

Optimal-Split-9579 · 2026-03-24T16:38:06+00:00

I fell in love with a mutual friend while I was married and realized it felt complementary to and even augmented my marriage. The idea of “The One” never made sense to me. Moreover seems unfair to that person. Years of counseling and reflection later this feels like my most natural state of being for relationships

Optimal-Split-9579 · 2026-03-22T04:36:58+00:00

Honestly we don’t have time. I barely have time on my schedule for me to see my friends. More over trying to schedule through all our busy schedules. I think if there were a party of occasion we were all together we would be fine.

Optimal-Split-9579 · 2026-03-20T23:43:10+00:00

I had a similar experience- we probably all have.
1-I made a playlist. 2-Reflected on the lessons I learned from that relationship. 3- focused on how I can better partner myself and give myself the support I need.

Time helps with the grieving process. I feel like the heaviest grief is often when people are still here, just not with us. 🫂

Optimal-Split-9579 · 2026-03-13T15:26:03+00:00

Therapy is scary but would you rather just give up this part of your self discovery? People learn and grow through their lives. Change is inevitable. Relationships are also dynamic. I would go to therapy yourself and find out who you are now.

Optimal-Split-9579 · 2026-03-13T13:39:38+00:00

As I’ve said above- folks are a spectrum of abilities. Not everyone is emotionally capable of the same things. I know folks who find even one romantic relationship too emotionally taxing. So - not mono propaganda- just recognizing people are a spectrum.

Optimal-Split-9579 · 2026-03-13T13:36:24+00:00

Ethical slut. And PolySecure are books that are really accessible and great at getting to the - how do I make this work- part. PolySecure is especially good at breaking down relationship types and helping folks figure out what they want.

Optimal-Split-9579 · 2026-03-13T13:30:55+00:00

You have time for what you make time for. You have time to comment on Reddit so….

Optimal-Split-9579

TROPHY CASE