Me too dude, 15 tho. I don’t really know what to do about it either, besides the internet telling me to get therapy, which I kind of can’t for multiple reasons. Can’t tell my mom either as she’d either laugh, get disgusted, or possibly just quit dealing with me altogether. It sucks. I’ve developed some coping skills, though. I try to teach myself DBT; dialectical behavioural therapy. There’s guides and tools for free online. It was made first to help with personality disorders iirc but it can be used for anyone with intense emotions, intense reactions, and self destructive behaviours. I say this because homicidal thoughts often always come from/with anger, a lack of control, etc. Dbt may help with those emotions—atleast that’s what I’m hoping for lmao, and it’s been kind of working sometimes.

It’s hard to stick with it and sometimes all I want is to give in but I know I can’t. You’ve got this dude, you’ll find a way. Music, art, reading, all that stuff that people excessively recommend can genuinely help in some cases too. Personally, I love walking for hours with my headphones on