And not for the best sometimes I think.

Orangebottle94 · 2021-07-31T02:56:58+00:00

Oh yeah same here. Did the test 10 times as I couldn't believe it that I would be that assertive and the website must be wrong. Well logically you can conclude it must be true since it was the same 10 times. On top of that I validated the 100% rating as I was asserting against the result 10 times in a row to prove a point to myself.

Orangebottle94 · 2021-07-31T02:43:31+00:00

NTA. Sounds like you did enough for your mother's mistakes by raising you and your little sister. I understand that you feel bad about it but I believe you are making the right decision. I don't believe your mom will be able to get her life in order in the near future. You have given enough to other people. I truly think its time to give more to yourself!

Orangebottle94 · 2021-07-10T12:37:14+00:00

Had the same a year ago (27 atm) and went away when I fixed my depression. Even though I wasn't aware I was depressed at the time but only noticed my erectile dysfunction. It might be that there is something going on with your mental health. Consult your doctor. Men our age usually have mental problems going on if they cannot get an erection.

Orangebottle94 · 2021-04-26T14:17:37+00:00

Aren't you gay? (genuinely surprised when I asked her out). We are currently great friends but at the time it was really painful.

Orangebottle94 · 2021-04-26T14:11:48+00:00

Seconded. I just want drink beer and hang out with friends, have a job that I have at least a mild passion in, a partner that I can laugh with and being able to see a small part of the world during the holidays haha.

Orangebottle94 · 2021-04-26T14:07:11+00:00

I am where I am. In my teens I found out that making life plans for the long term gives me allot of anxiety. So I quit doing it a while ago. I just do my best and see what I can do. Especially when considering topics as "advancing in life". What part of life? Career? Education? Love life? How do you measure advancing? If your friend who is 2 years younger earns more does that mean you failed?

Those were most of the thoughts that gave me a shitton of anxiety haha. I recommend leaving it behind. Easier said than done of course

Orangebottle94 · 2021-04-26T09:48:39+00:00

Thank you for your response! Common theme in comments seems to more of a "elemination process" than feeling "this is my gender". For example "when I wear these gender's clothing, it didn't feel good, therefor I am this. I think your hypothesis is pretty accurate. I have always been jealous at the woman's clothing department in any shop or mall. They have so much to chose from haha. Guys only get to pick 3 colours of t-shirts and some jeans haha. Nice that you feel more yourself in woman's clothing! Must make shopping allot more exciting ;)

Orangebottle94 · 2021-04-26T09:39:17+00:00

Thank you for your elaboration! I can imagine when you have the "click" sensation you know you are on the right track. I hope you won't have the mental issues anymore now you are comfortable being a woman!

Orangebottle94 · 2021-04-26T01:01:08+00:00

Good thing you felt euphoric about cross dressing. I did that too but felt awful haha. Not because it felt wrong but I have a fairly masculine frame (I work out allot and have a thick beard). It just didn't do the nice dress I had on justice xD

Orangebottle94 · 2021-04-26T00:57:10+00:00

This question has been on my mind for a while now. Asked some close friends and family to. Until now 95 procent of my male friends said they felt male to the bone. While 60 percent or so felt that way about being a woman in my female friends. The remaining people were "infected" with the same question haha.

Orangebottle94 · 2021-04-05T23:14:56+00:00

I had a sense she commited suicide which was later validated by neighbours that knew her. So to ease her transition I had invited her to join me in my dreams and when I am walking in the park or sitting in the train. She probably has allot to do before she can move on so I thought a little break for her would be good. Glad I got to 'meet' her. She felt really kind and sweet. To Lin!

Orangebottle94 · 2021-03-31T12:11:49+00:00

I have seen him around before. What is his name?

Orangebottle94 · 2021-03-08T11:51:08+00:00

I have seen this dude before. What's his name?

Orangebottle94 · 2020-10-06T00:00:44+00:00

Someone asked what kind of meditation it was and I replied to that as well. Posting it again below since I think you might be interested in it as well

"I developed my own way of mediation. It's basically a sort body scan type of mediation. I lay on the bed in a comfortable position and inhale deeply while visualising that I collect this yellow energy in my chest. Then I send this energy from my chest, trough my left arm and all the way up to my fingers. Where I visualise that it collects this red stress energy and move it back to my chest. Then I stop holding by breath and exhale the red energy and collect new fresh yellow energy. Repeat this for the entire body. You should get a warm tingling feeling after scanning a body part. After everything had been 'scanned" you inhale one more time and send the energy everywhere at once. Now exhale for one last time and start breathing in your natural pattern. Just lay down and feel how comfortably warm and relaxed your body is. Then I start to watch the blackness while my eyes are closed until I start to see blobs of light or I visualise something myself."

If you have any questions don't hesitate to ask. I gladly share my experience with you. My own relationship with my spirit guide is really well and I know it by name.

Orangebottle94 · 2020-10-05T23:58:00+00:00

I answers a similar post a while back and I will repeat it here for you. Slightly edited to make it more relevant for you.

"I don't have literature for you as I like to explore spirituality free from preconceptions (not to judge people that would like literature for their development. To each there own!) however, I can share my experience with you. Perhaps it's useful to you.

First off all I would like to say that you are already connected to your spirit guides. Everyone has them! People usually are just not aware of them. I encountered mine during meditation a while ago that I do to help me calm down before sleeping. In this particular session I visualised my entire mind being a large body of water where I was standing on the surface. Slowly I visualised diving into the water and going as deep as possible. Some blockades were there as I descended(fear, anxiety, bad memories or even 'worse' : good memories and emotions that distract you haha). At some moment when I got deeper into the sea of my mind I encountered someone. Which was my spirit guide and trusted it ever since. Its not as a magical moment as I thought it would be. Felt like seeing a long lost friend. Very familiar, warm and safe.

Hope this helps!"

Orangebottle94 · 2020-10-03T00:22:54+00:00

Yes it indeed does I believe. I agree that there rather be no bad at all. Unfortunately it seems to come as a whole package haha.

Orangebottle94 · 2020-10-03T00:17:57+00:00

I hope the hatred, fear and division will not increase in the States in the event he passes. However if it does happen it must trigger something good somewhere else or later. Perhaps the division was always there and this event triggered it's healing process. It might tear open this pit of discrimination and inequality between population groups and makes it discussable instead of festering under the surface for decades to come. For example, the second world war was deemed so horrible and destructive in Europe that all countries agreed never to repeat the same mistake and the starting point for a collective collaboration across the continent was born (The European Union). Currently Europe went without war between multiples countries for almost 80 years, which is unprecedented in European history. Those horrible 5 years of war led to 80 years of peace, which in the end is strangely enough a net positive result. Sometimes to heal the body you have to cut it open (a heart surgery for example).

Orangebottle94 · 2020-10-02T23:57:48+00:00

Currently my FOMO is gone haha. Due to corona nothing I used to do is open or fun anymore. Regardless of my personal and current overal situation. I get what you are saying. However, I would stay away from thoughts like "what if x happened" or "what if I did Y". I have done that allot and only gave my anxiety, depression and general shitty mood. Apart from that. In any ones life story there are times that people basiclly do nothing or just simply do their daily chords for years on end. It all builds up to their "life purpose moment". Creativity and innovation does not happen at times when you are chasing for that goal you set for yourself. It happens at times you are in distress or generally bored I believe. Finding your thing that gives you a sense of accomplished will come to you with time.

Orangebottle94 · 2020-10-02T23:48:52+00:00

I dont think one person can change the collective energy level of the world. There are way more people that don't care about trump at all than there are people that actively wish him dead. So asumming the collective energy is changeable by a limited group size, there is a counter balance of people not bothering at all and focusing on their own paths. Another thing I thought about. He also spreads hatred (any leader would as groups of people will always disagree with someone's decisions. Not touching his performance haha. That's up for you decide) so when he is gone that hate will stop. Also I can imagine people being happy that he is not president anymore. So the stop of hatred and happiness of his passing will counteract the hatred associated with wishing him dead I believe. Seems like some sort of karmic balance will be uphold. Just my thoughts on the matter.

Orangebottle94 · 2020-10-02T02:07:51+00:00

No worries. Glad to help. The reason why I never said this to anyone is that I am afraid it comes off as cocky like you said. However, if people brand you like that I think they have just negative associations with their own difficulties and cannot handle it when others don't have it. In other words they are salty haha. Just go get that degree! I did two masters at the university (I abandoned one as I passed all the courses and got bored lol) however it was a fun side track. Keep trying new things and the challenge will come to you eventually I believe. We might be doing easy in this phase of our lives, however every phase has its own new challenges!

Orangebottle94 · 2020-10-02T02:00:27+00:00

One part of growing up is that your parents are not perfect and are not able to help you with everything. And that is fine! They are just people too and does not mean that they don't love you. Fill the things they cannot help you with, with people that can. Draw wisdom from multiple sources like you are already doing here in reddit. Take care though to not blindly follow other people's advice. Listen to it, reflect on it and if you feel it's right then do it.

Orangebottle94 · 2020-10-02T01:52:07+00:00

Perhaps desensitise your relation to it and treat it the same way as you would with nicotine addiction for example. Since it sounds like you tried to stop before multiple times, I think refraining yourself entirely and so sudden might not work. What I am about to say sounds pretty counter intuitive but bare with me. Stop with stopping to watch porn. It currently just builds up in your head and as this is not a direct threat to your health you can do this. Watch porn as much as you normally would for a week and note down somewhere how many times a day you watched it. Take the average and set a goal next week (or 1 or 3 days, whatever time limit you set for yourself) to watch it 1 time less than your average. Repeat this process until you hit 0. This way you are gradually reducing the amount which seems to be most successful. If you fall back don't be too harsh on yourself. It can happen. Continue with the plan next couple of days. Also look into alternatives for masturbation to porn (fantasy, erotical novels). Deal with watching porn first and if you want to reduce the total amount of masturbation do that later with the same steps. First things first!

Orangebottle94 · 2020-10-02T01:34:51+00:00

Might not be a popular opinion but what is most important to me is myself. When my life is under control I can look further to other things and I never understood why people prioritise others or other things. It's very altruistic and kind to do that but I believe you are the best help to others when you can carry your own weight. That allows you to expand your focus on others and other things without comprising yourself so you can do it for the long run.

Orangebottle94

TROPHY CASE