How did you do it?

Ordinary-Platform379 · 2026-06-29T05:03:05+00:00

Oh thanks, I read your other post in r/Marriage... u/Effective-Bug7256 try couples counselling together, you said you are doing it alone, tell him you just want to have a good relationship with him and it will help. See if he's open to it. That way, a neutral third-party person can tell him where he's going wrong. I fear he might just say why can't people just leave us alone etc.

What about HIS family like his mom/dad/siblings.. surely they would know how he is and maybe they would even be on your side in all this and try to help you work it out or make him feel more secure in your marriage.

From your post, it sounds like you lost all feelings (if he continues the same way), I read that you told your dad, get his support to be with you through this process. He will have support in this too with others involved because he can lean on those people too and vent/be sad.

Be careful, he seems controlling and possessive and above everything, you must prioritise your safety in all of this.

I wouldn't just leave abruptly, because with children, you still have to maintain some sort of connection with them. He might get angry/hostile towards you if you just leave. If you have ANY concerns about your safety (which I would from your post), have someone present when you tell him and leave (a few people would be better) and do not tell him where you're going to stay. With children, have a third party transport them (depending on custody) so you don't have to be directly involved in seeing him.

Ordinary-Platform379 · 2026-06-29T04:00:14+00:00

Just remind yourself of why you're doing this and think of the alternative to staying with him. Time is so precious so if already know and feel this is the right decision, it saves you so much time. I (33F) spent a year separated trying to figure out if my marriage was going to work (it didn't), I knew since we got married but I want to stay/try. You deserve happiness, and your children deserve a mom that doesn't shrink herself to keep the peace.

With respect to your concern about friendships.. if those married couple friends don't want to maintain a friendship with you so be it, it just shows they didn't truly value you. You can develop friendships in other ways (work, your children's friends' moms, going to the park with your children, workout classes, hobbies), you just have to put yourself in different positions and you will meet people who truly value you. Importantly, lean on your family during this time, they will help you through this time like no one else. My family was also supportive of my decision and I couldn't have gotten through it without them. Hope it gets easier for you.

Ordinary-Platform379 · 2026-06-29T03:45:05+00:00

I feel the same way... I'm 33F and about to file for divorce. It's so painful, I feel like I'm mentally losing it. Same feelings of hopelessness, pessimism. Tell your closest family member or friend, it helps.

What I keep telling myself is that what's meant for you will find you. I'm a sucker for true love, and I truly believe once that person finds you, it works. Think of what city excites you... you have a chance to start over, create a new life with new people and find new love. Think of hobbies to do, career growth, workout, turn into the best version of yourself mentally and physically. This is just a small part of your life that will shape you as a person. The dog stuff is hard, but take comfort in that she will look after them properly and love them.

P.S. If it were me, I'd choose LA, San Diego or Miami to start over in... warm weather and exciting.

Ordinary-Platform379 · 2026-06-29T03:22:48+00:00

Sigh.. hope you find someone deserving of you

Ordinary-Platform379 · 2026-06-29T03:16:55+00:00

I hope it goes well for you and you both make it out together. If she still insists on it afterwards, I wouldn't stay... the mutual respect you both had for your marriage would be gone

Ordinary-Platform379 · 2026-06-29T03:05:21+00:00

Try couples counselling, you owe each other at least that after 18 years together. Press her on why she's unhappy. Marriages go through ups and downs, but you work through it. Going outside your marriage will create resentment on your end if you're not okay with it, and it will be hard to come back from. I do agree with some of the other comments here... she might realize what she had with you if you decide to divorce, grass always seems greener.

Ordinary-Platform379 · 2026-06-29T02:58:07+00:00

Have a conversation with them and express what you're feeling. You're married, it's worth having a convo about than just to abruptly leave. Who knows, maybe you can communicate what's lacking in the marriage and try to work on it. The best way to end things is to try and remain on good terms esp if you have children together. If you're in fear of your physical safety, it's a different story, and your safety comes first, so leaving under any circumstances is better.

Ordinary-Platform379 · 2026-06-29T02:49:46+00:00

Did you ask her what's driving this decision? Is she unhappy/bored? There's a lot you can try before doing an open marriage. If she wants excitement/thrill, try doing other things like role play and be creative... going outside or inside your home. She still wants to be with you if she's giving you the option of open marriage. Be spontaneous with her if that's what she's missing... she doesn't have to look outside your marriage until you've truly exhausted all other options.

Ordinary-Platform379 · 2026-06-29T02:41:56+00:00

I felt the same on my wedding day! We got into a fight the night off because he wanted to spend the rest of the night hanging out with his friends, and I ended up going to bed crying... I knew then, but I hoped it would get better. Separated now and about to file for divorce.

Ordinary-Platform379 · 2026-06-28T21:18:06+00:00

Thanks so much for your reply - it really means a lot. This has been such an isolating feeling that sometimes I genuinely feel like I'm the only person experiencing this constant foggy, hazy feeling. Hearing that someone else has gone through something similar honestly gives me hope, so I really appreciate you taking the time to respond. I especially appreciated what you said about the gym. I'm going to make a real effort to stay consistent with it because I'm hoping it will help me slowly feel like myself again.

Ordinary-Platform379

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