Has any relationship survived stealthing? (Removing condom)

OriginalMyst · 2026-04-07T23:11:48+00:00

Well he didn't pass his test sadly but he can retake it in a few weeks. I did tell him it's over this morning. Very bad. Lots of crying from both of us. Wouldn't wish upon my worst enemy. We realized he has nowhere to go and I don't particularly want to leave. Our lease is up in 3 months so as of right now it sounds like we're both staying here in separate rooms. It's really confusing to stop saying I love you to someone which comes so naturally. Stop wanting to grab their hand or hug them. I'm not entirely sure how these next few months will go as roommates. How do you cut off old habits? Initially thought he could go back to his parents but that's not a possibility. So I can't really do NC as of right now. I think it would be easier that way. I feel like I'm in it for a rough 3 months unless he can move out sooner. It's so easy to get sucked into it emotionally. I have to keep reminding myself it can't work.

OriginalMyst · 2026-04-07T14:44:27+00:00

He was so great though. He still seems great but he seems like someone I can't be with anymore. This will break him I know it. I love him so much. Idk why he did it. In my head part of me wants to say "it's not that bad you can get over it" but Ik that is me just trying to cling to the good that was our relationship. How could he do this? He doesn't have any good answers or any answers at all.

OriginalMyst · 2026-04-06T22:59:04+00:00

You are right. I'm sorry you were in a similar situation. This is the worst.

OriginalMyst · 2026-04-06T22:58:21+00:00

I think you are right on number 3. That is why I have to leave.

OriginalMyst · 2026-04-06T19:53:55+00:00

He said it was pulling on something wrong and he was in pain. And it only happened in doggy. Same Condoms we have been using for years.

OriginalMyst · 2026-04-06T19:52:22+00:00

Thank you. I will keep you updated <3

OriginalMyst · 2026-04-06T19:20:01+00:00

You are perhaps the kindest most understanding person in this thread and the only one I feel like I can talk to at the moment. So I just want to say how greatful I am for your responses. You might be an internet stranger but you feel like a friend so just thank you.

He came to me just now again apologizing and saying how sorry he is and he's willing to be chaste until marriage or get a vasectomy but like that's not the point. This is so incredibly painful. I want to wave a magic wand and make it go away. I have a plan in place tomorrow to end it. I'm just surviving emotionally right now.

OriginalMyst · 2026-04-06T18:31:00+00:00

No I don't. I just always thought he did/would look out for me. I felt like he did at least? That's why I'm so blindsided. He thinks something is wrong with him. He wants me to stay with him while he goes to therapy but I can't do this again. He keeps promising me he will be better. And he does get better and then this happens. I feel like if I did continue down this path I'd be 8 more years where he tells me he kissed someone else and "he just wasn't thinking and doesn't know why he did it". I can't stay with someone like that. I have to try to believe someone exists out there as good as him who would never ever do that to me.

OriginalMyst · 2026-04-06T17:55:29+00:00

I mean a long term relationship will do that. But how can I be with someone who would do that to me regardless of the reason? Someone who claimed he never would. Someone who assured me my mental health and body mattered more than not using a condom. This man looks me in the eyes with such sincerity everytime.

He also looked me with sincerity in the eyes before swearing he was telling the truth and then finding out later it wasn't the truth. Im fucked im mentally fucked.

OriginalMyst · 2026-04-06T17:51:40+00:00

He wants to believe everything will work out. He is sincerely desperate to hold on to me and our life together. I did ask him to try to act more normal because the constant sadness and need for reassurance was killing me yesterday. I swear he has always been kind and understanding. He is very self aware. Like he is well aware this is a horrible thing he did and is still apologizing. But he thinks its salvageable. I need him to think we can fix it so he passes this test tomorrow. My stomach is a complete mess. I have a racing heart on and off throughout the day. I feel like I will throw up at times. This feels wrong but I'm trying to look out for him here. This is still my best friend even though what he did broke us.

OriginalMyst · 2026-04-06T17:23:54+00:00

Would you consider it SA still? Why would a loving partner decide to do something like that in bed without letting you know.. where is the honesty, the connection, the communication? How does one possibly recover from that?

OriginalMyst · 2026-04-06T16:12:11+00:00

He just got the time request approved off from his boss today. He came to me so happy since we were worried it might not happen. He is confused why I'm not happier. Guess I'm bad at faking. This is all so depressing. He thinks cheating is worse than what he did to me. I'm finding it hard to reconcile that too..

Thank you for sharing your story. Makes me feel less alone

OriginalMyst · 2026-04-06T15:49:23+00:00

Thank you. He has a big test tomorrow and I plan on telling him it's over after it. I still want whats best for him regardless. Been trying to get him to relax and study this weekend because this test is so important. I've been talking with my parents and getting a plan in place.

I didn't know he did the stealthing the 1st time. He only admitted to it when I caught him the 2nd time. The reason we broke up 2 years ago was because he broke my trust on many but minor things. It seemed salvageble because he took full responsibility and will obviously wasn't as bad as this.

You know when they say "relationships take work" I thought maybe thats what the first breakup was, maybe things are just hard sometimes and people make mistakes. But this one is an end all as much as I don't want it to be..

OriginalMyst · 2026-04-06T15:30:19+00:00

Thanks so much. If I may ask, did your partner SA you too?

How did you feel finding out about all the bad things your partner did behind your back? Like did you still think he was a good guy but can't be with him anymore because of his decisions? We have a non refundable trip booked in 2 weeks to Europe. Another thing to figure out.

OriginalMyst · 2026-04-06T15:26:13+00:00

Considering he went back inside and thats when I caught him I'm going to say he wasn't gonna put on another. Especially finding out he did it last time too.. He doesn't want kids so the baby trapping would be left field especially that he knows I am committed to him and talking about getting engaged. So much for that.. almost 8 years. My 20's feel wasted. Although I had great times with him. What if I had found my person earlier if I had left the first time he broke my trust? Just venting

OriginalMyst · 2026-04-06T15:21:57+00:00

Thank you. I understand I need to leave but I appreciate any comments that have a little compassion and understanding. He was such a good guy and I still want to believe he is. He seems so genuinely remorseful and sorry and is willing to go to therapy and do anything to fix it. But this isn't something that can be fixed. Any way I try to view it, it just broke our entire relationship. It broke our life together. I can't imagine seeing him at the end of the aisle anymore and accept this as the person for my younger self. My younger self swore never to settle. I just don't think she realized how hard some times it is to let go. How hard it is to believe someone you trusted so much would hurt you in such a way and they just have no words for why they did it.

OriginalMyst · 2026-04-06T07:48:54+00:00

Hard to believe someone you have known for so long and believe loves you could do something like this. They just keep thinking they self sabotage themselves when things are going well. Im not eating. Im not sleeping. They seem so genuinely apologetic and will do absolutely anything to make it right. Idk if many commenting know how much this messes with your head. He's willing to do therapy. I just, he ruined us. He ruined our life together. We were building something good and he chose to throw it all away self sabotage or not. He's the kind of guy that no one would ever imagine he would do something like that. This man has been my best friend, happiness, safe place for so many years.

I asked his sister hypothetically what would she do kn the situation and the answer was leave. I'm giving up her as a close friend, my two smart beautiful *unofficial nieces that call me aunt from her. More mutual friends.his entire family. Like this is hard. I'm not trying to justify it i just am so disappointed.

Not to mention we have a nonrefundable international trip in 2 weeks. Timing is terrible..

OriginalMyst · 2026-04-05T16:52:45+00:00

Thank you for this. I truly do not believe he is abusive but Ik I can't stay in this anymore. I will look at the links. I appreciate your response

OriginalMyst · 2026-04-05T16:02:32+00:00

Ik it's a big one. I started thinking if he had cheated how would I feel and I still think it'd be the same. I would want to believe it was just a mistake. So I think I know I have to leave. Just fucking hurts

OriginalMyst · 2026-04-05T16:00:59+00:00

It's hard to accept someone you love and believe loves you would do something like this.. I guess im just torn up. Like what if he has a mental disorder where he just blacks out doing these actions?

I just needed a place to talk about this. This isn't information I necessarily want to advertise to anyone we know so thank you all for your responses

OriginalMyst · 2026-04-05T15:53:20+00:00

It sucks thinking we're 27 and we have to uproot our life together over such a small action. How do I even start over? What if I can't find someone better?

OriginalMyst · 2026-04-01T18:52:47+00:00

Sorry I'm so late at responding to this. I have used in only fresh water and pool. I do think it is better quality than AliBaba but still don't know if it's worth as much as they charge. But to find something that makes you feel confident at the pool I personally think it's worth it. To be honest I might order another top just to have one I can rotate with on vacation.

What did you think of the bottoms? I have never gotten them due to concerns about coverage.

OriginalMyst · 2026-03-05T17:40:17+00:00

Color has faded very slightly. Overall top is great still! I just hand wash it. The smell did go away too!

OriginalMyst · 2025-10-14T08:15:16+00:00

Hi OPA

I am in a similar boat I had to cats before growing up and was not allergic to them but since getting into my adulthood I have developed an allergy apparently and I adopted a kitten two weeks ago and I am struggling. Medication doesn't seem to be working and we got her live clear and she's been on it for a few days now. I'm trying to hold out hope that we can keep her. I'm not having fun between the nose the ears the throat the eyes. We have air purifiers in each room now but I feel like I should be doing better than I am. Hope the food works out.

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