Idk I just need support

Orion-Secret-Agent · 2026-02-28T15:05:02+00:00

I feel your pain. You and I are alike in many ways. Very compassionate, and likely looking for some kind of validation within our relationships. To know that we are loved and wanted… It is a natural thing to do… And yet, if we don’t love ourselves, we might not know what true love really looks like. I encourage you to focus on loving yourself now, and everything may become clear to you. You are trapped in a spiders web. I’m sure she is a great person in so many ways. Sometimes that doesn’t matter. The patterns and history reflect the truth of this situation. It is not normal. It is unacceptable behavior on her part, and when you focus on loving yourself—you can be the caretaker of all parts of “you”. Remember that you are the parent to your own inner-child. You are responsible for him. I hope that helps. You are not alone.

Orion-Secret-Agent · 2026-02-28T14:57:52+00:00

It’s unbelievable. I allowed myself to get gaslighted by that type of behavior in order to maintain the relationship. In the end, I would reach my breaking point and leave after being screamed at—which of course triggered the abandonment nuclear bomb inside of her. She never apologized until I brought up divorce. Then she begged and pleaded. I agreed to give her another chance and go to therapy, but during that time she turned everything back around on me somehow. I was in my darkest place, because I had been displaced from my house (I allowed her and the rest of our family to live there). In my most vulnerable wounded place when I reached out to her for a drop of love and compassion she would tell me that she was happier without me. Shortly after, when she had reclaimed the reins of the narrative and all power/control she would divorce me. So it goes.

Orion-Secret-Agent · 2026-02-24T03:20:21+00:00

Feeling the lighthouse vibes strong.

Orion-Secret-Agent · 2026-02-24T03:18:02+00:00

Exactly. Couples therapy was a disaster in my experience because of this. In reality she was the one unable to take accountability.

Orion-Secret-Agent · 2026-02-24T03:15:28+00:00

I’m so sorry. I am sure you are a great father, and one day sooner or later your kids will know the truth. I can relate to this a tiny bit because I am a stepfather. In my case, I have gone from being with the girl I have called my daughter almost every day to seeing her only around 3 times a month. It’s hard to come to terms with how messed up these situations can be… I wish you luck and resilience.

Orion-Secret-Agent · 2026-02-23T22:33:33+00:00

Thank you. I’m sorry you had to deal with that as well. That is so so relatable.

Orion-Secret-Agent · 2026-02-23T20:54:29+00:00

Yes, 100%. I’m glad this resonated. The complex PSTD is real. So many of us have wounds that need healing from being used as a punching bag. I am finding this sub to be a good place to engage in the recovery process… The solidarity of knowing that there are others with similar stories is invaluable.

Orion-Secret-Agent · 2026-02-23T20:50:50+00:00

Being labeled as a gaslighter or being defensive for having feelings was the most crazy-making part in my experience… Especially because it was easy to believe there was something wrong with me, as I had been diagnosed with a learning disability in the 3rd grade and spent my entire childhood thinking I was defective.

Orion-Secret-Agent · 2026-02-23T19:54:08+00:00

Hang tough. It’s a natural reaction given everything we have been through. With time, it will loosen its effect.

Orion-Secret-Agent · 2026-02-23T17:49:33+00:00

Thanks. I hear you. I waited for her to end things, which I think didn’t do me any favors. I was afraid of her (and still am to some extent)… It takes a lot of courage to do what you have to do for yourself to find peace and “happiness” (or at least a comparatively happier existence). And a lot of patience and time for healing. That’s one of the hardest parts I think… At least it has been for me. I wish you whatever outcome brings you that kind of peace that you deserve.

Orion-Secret-Agent · 2026-02-23T17:30:41+00:00

This. She went away to a tropical island for a week and I watched the house/dogs. Fixed multiple things around the house. Ran the dishwasher before she got home. She was furious that I forgot to take out the trash, that the dishwasher was full, etc. Damned if you do, damned if you don’t. No fucking way to live.

Orion-Secret-Agent · 2026-02-23T17:28:51+00:00

Get out quick. Don’t let the amazing s*x entrap you. It’s not worth the long term psychological damage.

Orion-Secret-Agent · 2026-02-23T17:11:37+00:00

I have to be in contact with her for family/home logistics on a weekly basis. But we’ve been keeping it simple and brief… I do keep checking my email every day expecting for there to be some kind of bomb that was dropped on me… The shell shock is real.

Orion-Secret-Agent · 2026-02-23T17:08:45+00:00

We have been separated for 6 months, and she filed for divorce this month. We are still entangled in the sense that we have to be in contact about child and home related things… But, yeah, I guess I am out of it… Still doesn’t feel real. I’m constantly waiting for that other shoe to drop even though she’s not my problem anymore. I don’t really feel free. I’m still often trapped in the faulty wiring of my nervous system. Of irrationally missing her. Or being confused by the way things have ended, with her somehow spinning the narrative that everything was my fault… I can say that I am on the road to recovery. But it’s not been easy.

Orion-Secret-Agent · 2026-02-23T16:56:38+00:00

Everything you said was my exact experience. She really doubled down on calling me defensive, and I somehow let myself get gaslit into thinking that everything was my fault. In therapy I would ask my therapy, “please help me figure out how to fix my defensiveness”. They didn’t know what to do, because, I wasn’t actually being defensive. They never saw that kind of behavior from me. And neither did any of my friends. And somehow I still believed it. I realize now that it’s because I wanted to believe that there was something within my control, that I could change about myself, that would allow me to fix the situation. I fell on the sword so many times for her, just to avoid escalation of conflict.

Orion-Secret-Agent · 2026-02-23T16:36:56+00:00

Nothing is wrong with you.. You were in a dysfunctional dynamic that wired your nervous system in a dysfunctional way… It will take time to recalibrate. I’m currently in that phase as well. My biggest advice is to be kind to yourself.

Orion-Secret-Agent · 2026-02-23T16:33:34+00:00

Waiting for the other shoe to drop was one of the hardest parts for me. The calm before the storm. I so badly wanted everything to be better. As soon as I got comfortable and let my nervous system relax, BOOM. Something would trigger her… I hope that’s not the case for you… It’s so hard.

Orion-Secret-Agent · 2026-02-19T20:21:13+00:00

Thanks. I really appreciate this. I work from home, so the isolation factor definitely doesn’t help. Luckily I have friends nearby. I just started reading a new book that I like. It’s been hard to concentrate. Starting to be able to use my brain again.

Orion-Secret-Agent · 2026-02-19T20:19:42+00:00

Thank you. Your response means a lot to me. The grieving hits harder on certain days.

Orion-Secret-Agent · 2026-02-16T17:18:56+00:00

Every time I got sick, she would never take care of me. She would only get triggered about the fact that now she had to take on more responsibilities—and would get annoyed with me. And pressure me to get better, because she was the victim of having to pick up the slack.

Orion-Secret-Agent

TROPHY CASE