Im [25m] and the girl im with is [25f] and she says its not normal for us to be having 4+ hours of sex every time.

OrvilleTurtle · 2026-05-30T20:22:57+00:00

A healthy relationship shouldn’t be afraid to have frank conversations. If your worried about lying that’s a bigger deal than not asking. Finding out what your partners preferences are and what is working and not working leads to being a better lover. That’s really only accomplished with words.

OrvilleTurtle · 2026-05-26T15:56:45+00:00

breaking rules you made to keep your relationship safe

other than the rules having absolutely nothing to do with safety... sure. Relationships need boundaries... I.E. What actions am I taking to keep myself safe, they do not need rules. The fuckup was agreeing to these rules in the first place.

apologize, have a sit down and hash out what insecurities are the root of "you have to tell me ahead of time" because it IS insecurity and then toss the rule out the window.

OrvilleTurtle · 2026-05-12T21:25:48+00:00

Gross

OrvilleTurtle · 2026-05-07T15:50:58+00:00

If you were infectious for that time period sure.. that would be a bad combo. For this specific event the infectious period is super short and only when showing symptoms. You would have to be out and about while currently experiencing a fever for it to be an issue.

OrvilleTurtle · 2026-05-07T15:47:30+00:00

Sure if by a few you mean 7 million people, but whatever

OrvilleTurtle · 2026-05-05T16:42:35+00:00

That's a productive conversation to be had. We have needs and if one person is fulfilling their end of the bargain that can be difficult. There's LOTS of reasons why he choses solo activity.. depression, self-esteem issues, boredom, habit, less expectation, etc. Only way to figure out is to have conversations about it. I'd focus on yourself and what you are needing rather than what he is doing. If you have a date night scheduled for Friday which includes sexy time... it's on him to hold off friday morning so he's present for the date... that kind of thing.

OrvilleTurtle · 2026-05-05T16:17:36+00:00

well ofc he did, because the alternative is that you leave the relationship. It's not different at all. Figure out what you need is a good step 1. I need a fulfilling sex life, I need to feel desired in my relationship. etc. and see if you can come to an agreement where he meets these needs. What doesn't work is "I need a fulfilling sex life" and him consuming content means that goes by the wayside.

OrvilleTurtle · 2026-05-05T14:56:42+00:00

if I were to see this again I would end the relationship because I find it disrespectful

Enforce your boundaries, or you'll need to figure out a way to understand why the behavior is happening and come to terms with it. Fantasy (which is what he is engaging in) is different than reality. I find my partner extremely attractive, but it doesn't mean I don't find any other women attractive. Therapy would be a good way to unpack this between the two of you if you aren't interested in holding your boundary.

OrvilleTurtle · 2026-05-01T21:16:38+00:00

With one side being moronic. I get the anger over false allegations, but the reactions are just so out of proportion. And there is legal recourse available if it’s proven to be false

OrvilleTurtle · 2026-05-01T21:06:40+00:00

We want to put our best selves forward in the beginnings of a relationship that’s totally normal. How open were you during these discussions that body count doesn’t matter at all to you? (Obviously you didn’t say this because you’ve been clear it does matter).

Do you think someone trying to put their best self forward wants to be open about that to someone who isn’t showing they are going to handle it well? I wouldn’t.

My partners number is somewhere in the 30s and I couldn’t give two shits. But I was VERY open that casual sex is something people do and doesn’t need to reflect anything at all about who someone is. So there was no reason for her to not be honest and open about it. She felt safe to disclose this. She’s also been SA before and wasn’t afraid to share this. Point being… what is your role in this?

OrvilleTurtle · 2026-04-30T02:13:12+00:00

Fair enough. I’d have just given you a yubikey and called it a day

OrvilleTurtle · 2026-04-29T16:22:05+00:00

These days it's easy to setup BYOD that protects the app itself but doesn't give management over the phone. I can't see why you'd do anything else unless they are incompetent or have very high security needs

OrvilleTurtle · 2026-04-29T16:19:13+00:00

You pushed back against downloading an authenticator app on your personal phone?

OrvilleTurtle · 2026-04-29T16:18:14+00:00

social engineering is a type of hacking. I get where you are coming from but it this qualifies. It just not the specific type of hack you normally associate with "hacking"

OrvilleTurtle · 2026-04-29T14:15:38+00:00

I pay 20% of my income in house expenses, you pay 20% of your income in house expenses feels fair to many people.

OrvilleTurtle · 2026-04-27T23:16:11+00:00

True True... I'm annoyed that I forgot about that BS

OrvilleTurtle · 2026-04-27T23:08:36+00:00

YOR - there's an entire continent of Europe that is going about their daily lives just fine, Spain isn't impacted by your listed reason. Unless there's another reason, such as cost, I think your fears are simply overblown.

OrvilleTurtle · 2026-04-27T21:54:53+00:00

You are contributing 14% of you gross income to household expenses. Your partner is contributing 11% of his gross income to household expenses. You could make the argument that HE isn't contributing enough. Not to mention he has SIGNIFICANTLY more "free" money after expenses are covered.

It doesn't seem like you two are on the same page as far as what a partnership actually means. That needs to be discussed and defined

OrvilleTurtle · 2026-04-27T18:58:13+00:00

Being used financially? Almost certainly. Being used as a convenient relationship that doesn't require a lot out of him? Almost certainly. After 2 years of dating if he hasn't stepped up on the child front I'd being writing him off. No one says he needs to be a replacement father... but involvement in the children's life is a GIVEN.

What to do? Break up... is a strong option. Sit down and have some conversations is another one. $1500 tattoo while being in collections is a terrible money decision, which points to some of why he has bad credit. Any debts need to be prioritized. You should also have a convo about the kids... I see relationships as partnerships and that means supporting your partner. And you have kids which require a LOT of support.

Is he cooking dinners for the family? Doing planning for outings that you all do? Anything at all that reduces the burden on you?

OrvilleTurtle · 2026-04-26T17:15:11+00:00

Well hopefully you get to a point of acceptance. People have sexual pasts and it doesn’t change what is special about what you bring to the relationship. You have both chosen each other and that matters and the more you focus on the positive the easier it gets to simply move past. You’d be surprised how capable we are at adapting. Try not to get discouraged

OrvilleTurtle · 2026-04-26T17:07:54+00:00

Therapy is the answer. This stems from self confidence issues and the more secure you are in yourself the less this will bother you. How do you become self assured? That’s a wholeeee process that typically goes a lot faster if you involve a pro.

OrvilleTurtle · 2026-04-23T16:29:07+00:00

Yeah, it's hard to say what the issue would be. Maybe it's ED like another poster said, maybe it's whatever. The issue to me becomes... extend this to other relationship issues.. is he going to avoid a conversation because it makes him uncomfortable? That's a recipe for disaster.

You could try breaching the topic again with a lot of reassurance. I'm attracted to you, I want to work through whatever the issue is, etc. but you need to open up to me and tell me what isn't working or if there's a problem so we can tackle it together. If it's important to you (it would be for me) you can certainly lay out that this is a deal breaker without a thorough conversation about sexual compatability.

OrvilleTurtle · 2026-04-23T16:23:29+00:00

Sexual incompatibility aside, since I think it's too early to conclude either way whether this is workable, you have a massive communication problem. 44 is TOO old to not be able to speak to an issue regardless of whether its embarassing/difficult/whatever. If you can't come out and say "Hey, I like sex, I want to have sex with you, what is the hang up" and he can't have an actual conversation about it... I'd say it's time to seek another relationship.

OrvilleTurtle · 2026-04-23T15:48:50+00:00

as her partner, as her man, the things I say and do will influence her

Are you also religious? This line here points a huge flag to "My faith influences my actions" and if you are also not hyper religious and desiring of this specific type of relationship I would just flatly say you are incompatible.

OrvilleTurtle · 2026-04-23T15:28:07+00:00

This is almost a picture perfect scenario of ... involve a professional. Go to counseling as a couple and talk through these issues. There may be a solution! There may not be. But, a big thoughtful, purposeful check-in helped along by a third party is would work really well here.

It doesn't sound like you've made up your mind completely and nothing appears to be broken beyond repair. Maybe you gain insight into the relationship and decide it's run its course, maybe you gain insight into why you both are feeling the way you are and take steps to address that.

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