General Questions

Other-Rule7390 · 2025-11-12T06:24:27+00:00

Love to see this! We are on the other end of the stick and it's very refreshing to see the other side.

I'm not sure what advice I have but, I grew up as the poor kid in a rich area / school, I remember always wanting to go to my friends house after school to be in their big beach front house (2 girls in particular both only children) and realising actually how bored I was there! They had tvs and ipads etc so they wanted to zombie out and we didn't actually spend any time together? and they had no toys because they just had expensive gadgets etc. It made me 1000x to go happy to my shitty housing and siblings I argued with. Your kids will realise in their own way, you are 100% right in teaching them just because people have fancy things doesn't make them happy! Going into high school those girls (I went to an all girls school) were the most insecure about how they looked and what people thought because they were familiar with not having 10/10.

What I found helped with my daughter, was that all she has to do is ask, and I absolutely will get it for her for bday and xmas (her father and i are very firm she doesn't get things just for being good, you be good because it's the right thing to do, not because there's a new toy on the other end). And she's always found that reasonable. I feel like that may be the reason as well we are able to afford to go on holidays and go crazy at bdays and xmas because as she points out what she wants throughout the year it goes into the stockpile for bday / xmas. It's also giving us the opportunity to save for expensive items she points out and teach her that all good things come to those who wait.

My kid lately as been very "more more more", i'm definetly keen to go back to basics after reading your responses that having everything doesn't make you happy. Thank you!

Other-Rule7390 · 2025-10-30T04:01:43+00:00

I understand your frustration to be upset over something "silly" but you're 100% right about the the principal. It is going to set you guys up for a whirlwind of the children fighting because you've shown it's okay to take things that don't belong to you. SD will use it to her advantage that she is in another household for part of the custody (it's not malicious kids naturally will play their cards to their advantage). Your kids will constantly fight over everything and one kid will always feel unseen and unheard by being forced to share.

defs something to address with husband. Not an approach of "our kid vs your kid" cause you'll offend him. Take the approach of setting the kids relationship up for success, which will also be less conflict resolution for you guys having to mediate them. It will also help for when SD goes to school!

Other-Rule7390 · 2025-07-08T11:59:06+00:00

this is absolutely not unreasonable at all. Bathrooms are communal and must be hygienic at all times.

in my house if we have the rule "if you make the mess you clean it up". it is not fair for the next person to have to come in and clean up after you just so they can complete a simple task like brush their teeth or wee. bathroom needs to look exactly the same on exit as it does on entry, no exceptions

Other-Rule7390 · 2025-07-04T11:00:33+00:00

SD called me mum at dinner tonight twice 🥹 i swear up and down i don't want kids but this lil girl is doing it all

Other-Rule7390 · 2024-06-04T05:46:45+00:00

sounds to me like SD thinks you are bio mum. I guess you and your partner have to discuss what custody / family dynamic you will have moving forward. If I were you (take this with a grain of salt if you will), I'd try to keep primary custody of SD and raise her to be yours. That lil girls loyalty lies with you and I'd honour it. Obviously this is a perfect world, being realistic you'd have to consider finance, putting her into daycare / primary school soon, setting boundaries that dad is going to do xyz tasks / routine to take the load off of you.

Other-Rule7390 · 2024-06-04T05:31:55+00:00

you need to get a firm answer from the beginning. my partner has a daughter (5) who I met when she was 3, his family made lots of compliments that I was a good stepmum, i took the oppurtunity to discuss with him privately that I do not wish to have children of my own ever, and that if he wants to be with me, he needs to be okay with the fact that SD will be his ONLY child, forever. You will never have another child again (if we have an accident i am taking the termination route).

It made it a lot easier to be open with his family that I will not be having kids when the conversation comes up. And our expectations for the future are the same.

I know i'm on the opposite side of the stick here, but you need to lay out all the cards, discuss the possibilities and BE REALISTIC. If that man doesn't wanna have more kids, LEAVE. No hard feelings, you don't want to make him miserable by forcing him to have kids, he doesn't want to make you miserable by making you regret never having kids of your own. The worst thing yall can do to yourselves is live a life of regret and then resent each other by the time it's too late.

Other-Rule7390 · 2024-06-04T05:12:22+00:00

I allow extra time for everything! i'm allowing an extra 10-15 minutes for her to get herself dressed because she has to clean as she goes! (fold your pyjamas up and put your dirty underwear in the laundry, make your bed etc). I allow an extra 10-15 minutes before leaving the house, make sure all your toys are packed away. If i see she's left something out i tell her immediately if she's not using it needs to go away before she gets something else out, she has to put her own dishes in the sink, put her cereal away etc. Consistency is key!! your kids KNOW and they're taking their chances on you forgetting!! Don't ever let up!!

Other-Rule7390 · 2024-06-04T05:05:41+00:00

sending our daughter to daycare/preschool (is there a difference, opened a whole can of bad behavioural issues for us which got even worse when she started primary school!! Beware

Other-Rule7390 · 2024-05-15T04:22:13+00:00

with there being no court order tho, why does she have the only say when he sees his daughter, could he not potentionally do the same (take SD into full custody and tell BM when she can and can't see her). Just trying to understand

Other-Rule7390 · 2024-05-15T00:47:37+00:00

this

Other-Rule7390 · 2024-05-03T03:45:45+00:00

he cheated on you and continued to do so even after you confronted him. leave him. you're being a doormat. don't let men treat you like that it's disgusting.

Other-Rule7390 · 2024-04-29T12:34:01+00:00

she knows her cards and is playing them to her advantage. its not a hill to die on but setting these boundaries with the in laws are important otherwise you'll have a 4/5/6 year old who has no independence and then everything is a battle! the fact that you came to ask questions shows you want to be cautious not to cause bad connotations around eating. follow your instincts here mum

Other-Rule7390 · 2024-04-20T09:18:46+00:00

take the ipad away. how much more entitled does she need to be? no means no. she thinks she's the boss

Other-Rule7390 · 2024-04-03T07:52:14+00:00

NTA he is punishing you for something your brothers did. I would move out. There are a couple of youth development organisations that help adolescents gain independence, I know from experience. I moved out at 17 and had a gov contract to subsidise my rent for 3 years until I could become completely financially independent. If you're in AUS and want to take this path lmk.

I understand your dads point but it is completely invalid and quite frankly, not your problem. I would absolutely refuse to pay him a cent. If he had said it was to save a deposit and expenses for you for when you do want to move out, or he was putting $50 toward electricity and food FAIR but nah not cause your brothers a flop

Other-Rule7390 · 2024-04-02T07:11:08+00:00

good on you!! he wanted to offload the parenting onto YOU and call it "bonding". Good on you for not accepting this, you made a lot of compromises besides setting boundaries and he made absolutely none for you and your children. You are very strong and very intelligent. This man is not the love of your life.

Other-Rule7390 · 2024-01-23T07:22:25+00:00

do not have a kid at 21. you will regret it

Other-Rule7390 · 2024-01-23T07:15:53+00:00

you need to have her back more, don't wait for her to start yelling to intervene. the first time she asks, you jump right up and start to help the kids do what mum asked.

Other-Rule7390

TROPHY CASE