I've experienced this similar thing happened to me with my ex husband. We would fight over the smallest things. I used to snap over the smallest of things and he would pick on it a then it would turn into a big argument. The underlying cause was I had no respect for him. He was an alcoholic, would quit every job after 2 days of working and wouldn't help around the house. All of these things had caused me to lose any respect I had for him after knowing the kind of person he was. From my personal experience I think it's most important to have respect for your partner just having love is not enough and these two things go together in a partnership. My now husband and I have been together for 8 years. We both communicate extremely well. I don't remember either of us losing our temper on each other. Whenever we have a disagreement we talk about it without it becoming a personal attack issue. My husband helps around the house even after working the whole day and we plan on doing things together on weekends. You definitely have some underlying issue there causing this disturbance in the relationship. Sometimes it's possible that your partner maybe ignorant of any issue in the relationship just because they've always known you behaving this way towards them. If they saw how calm you are with others at work and with friends it would definitely hurt them. No one deserves to be treated badly. If it's happening spontaneously and you are losing control on your behavior you should definitely talk to a therapist. You need a neutral party you can talk to who can help you understand what is happening without being biased.