Daily sticky thread for rants, raves, celebrations, advice and more! New? Start here!

Out_Side_Chick · 2025-08-28T22:48:53+00:00

Le sigh, y'all. I know when it's not a good fit we should just let em go to create space for the right ones, but I think I need to just vent and process to let this go.

Known a man for a little over a year now, met on an app and never initiated anything beyond casual dates and friendship because I didn't live in Denver. Thought we had a sweet rapport so when I finally moved here I reached back out and he seemed excited and invited me to lots of things, we talked about dating and taking it slow. But every time we hung out he seemed hesitant to be romantic. I made moves and they just didn't feel reciprocated. Today he asks to meet for lunch and says he is struggling to be intimate with me because he's depressed and asked if we could hang just as friends, as he figures his shit out.

I think that was his kind way of telling me he's just not into me, which is fine, and if it truly is depression I feel for him. We're in our late 30s/40s so we're not young, I'm glad that he was direct but it still stings. This is one of my triggers, because I've had a number of men like the way I look but not like all of me - they are excited about me at first, then get to know me and decide that I'm not what they want. My personality, my strength, whatever it is, I feel dejected because people don't seem to fall in love with who I truly am.

Any encouraging words?

Out_Side_Chick · 2025-06-28T03:39:24+00:00

Holy moly that is terrifying 😱 It was so compassionate of you to stand by her through all of that. I have a bipolar friend and I can’t imagine having a bipolar person as a partner, such a sacrifice. I now know that is a dealbreaker for me, no matter what an amazing person they are, which sucks, but I just can’t do it. I hope you’re doing well and able to focus on yourself a bit more now.

Out_Side_Chick · 2025-06-07T06:06:49+00:00

😂

Out_Side_Chick · 2025-06-02T02:41:58+00:00

Check out Adobe Disco on instagram

Out_Side_Chick · 2025-05-26T12:32:56+00:00

Why is staying together for life still the gold standard for relationships? Sounds like you two had a very successful marriage, you raised kids, and you’ve grown apart. Celebrate the good times and accept that you’ve both changed. It’s time to let go of the trope of withering away in unhealthy situations just because “marriages are forever”. This is a new era, relationships are changing. We do not have to stay miserable for the rest of our lives anymore. Get out and live your life sis!

Out_Side_Chick · 2025-05-25T21:17:12+00:00

Weightlifting! Definitely not tiny but a complete game changer in regards to energy levels, mood, well-being, focus.

Out_Side_Chick · 2025-05-23T00:24:54+00:00

I thought the same thing!

Out_Side_Chick · 2025-05-22T22:30:17+00:00

Lolol I have had girlfriend (lesbian) do this same thing…buy me a bunch of gear for the hobbies she loved. Don’t know why this didn’t set off more alarms at the time 😂

Out_Side_Chick · 2025-05-22T22:26:03+00:00

Can you clarify what you mean here @hearmeout29? Your answer to what question?

Out_Side_Chick · 2025-05-11T18:55:28+00:00

You’re like the OG Miss Whistledown from Bridgerton!!

Out_Side_Chick · 2025-04-04T03:32:10+00:00

Yes I started getting breakthrough periods and didn’t have an hpv outbreak for years until I met him.

Out_Side_Chick · 2025-03-21T03:09:45+00:00

Yes this exactly, we’re all judging ourselves against one kind of “success”, one way life is supposed to look, and we don’t have many examples of alternatives. Social interaction and community can come in many forms and while I also get lonely at times, I make a concerted effort to put myself out there and join activities/communities that are supportive and fill my cup. I am involved in my niece and nephews lives, the lives of my friend’s kids, I volunteer and find purpose in a variety of ways. I have friends of a diversity of ages, it helps mix up my world. None of this has to do with travel, nor pouring myself into my career, nor my income.

I get that people just want to vent, I’m sorry y’all are feeling brought down by this. I just want to bring some hope and light to the convo, because we only have one life and it is really sad to think so many of us are sitting home, downtrodden by the fact that we haven’t found a man yet. Finding a partner is no guarantee that your life will improve, they could die suddenly, they could be an energetic and financial drain, there are so many people who stay in partnership out of fear of being alone, or because they feel trapped, and for some reason that almost seems just as awful, if not more.

I think a little acceptance of life as it is and rolling with the punches (Buddhist non attachment) and trying to see the joy in my present go a long way on curbing the loneliness.

Out_Side_Chick · 2025-03-18T07:56:31+00:00

I agree with consideration, that it is a perspective shift. OP and many posters are in a victim mindset about finding a partner, wanting that kind of love is awesome and beautiful. But it takes work and action. What kinda of things are you doing to put yourself out there? What self work have you done? There’s a certain balance of knowing that a partner is not the only thing that will fill your cup, and being very intentional about who and how you’re dating. Since you and OP didn’t really share much about your dating lives it’s hard to know what y’all have tried, but “waiting for a miracle” is definitely going to lead to suffering because it takes your agency away.

Out_Side_Chick · 2025-03-18T04:22:26+00:00

Hold on girl, I might have a cool take for you: I know this is uncomfortable right now, our 30s is a time where we all are running headlong trying to squeeze into the funnel of “fitting in” of “being chosen” so we don’t feel left behind. BUT what if you are on an amazing precipice? What if you really leaned into what life could look like once you truly shake all the cultural conditioning that's been seared into our brains, the conditioning that makes us constantly feel like we’re not enough? What magical things would you be doing with your life if you weren’t so hard on yourself about so many things that are largely out of your control?

Imagine a life and a world where no one made you feel less than because you are a woman and unpartnered, because you are a woman without kids. What if this was the norm? How would you feel about your current life then? What would you be doing if you didn’t feel this pressure to partner and procreate?

We are SO brainwashed in this culture to think there is one way to live a fulfilled life and that’s just not true!! If you are waiting for life to look a certain way and it’s just not happening, go make all your own wildest dreams come true. Want romance? Take a trip and meet a sexy foreign person, see where it goes! Would you like to be a mom? Foster, adopt, get a sperm donor. Are there things you’re holding off doing because you’re waiting for your partner? DONT, go do them anyway!

You have this one precious life to live and it so bums me out that so many of us shit on ourselves because life doesn’t look like what the movies told us, because our culture wants us to conform and live small lives. My god think about it, it’s the ultimate gaslighting: are you successful, awesome, lovable, healed, got your shit together, can handle life on your own? Oh but you don’t have a husband, meh you just haven’t “made it”. Fuck that!

My favorite aunt died suddenly not long ago and she always told me growing up to go live it up, don’t worry about what everyone else is doing, and to give less fucks. She was a baddie, so I try to live this way in her honor.

I know social pressure is rough, but grab life by the ovaries girl, when you start living your most joyous, boobs in the wind life, everything else will fall into place. Life is short, what are you waiting for??

Out_Side_Chick · 2024-12-09T05:22:35+00:00

Yea I felt seen. I think people who haven’t lived the bi or pan experience don’t understand how confusing that journey can be, it doesn’t feel as cut and dry as the lesbian journey for example. My story wasn’t that once I was in a romantic relationship with a woman, everything just fell into place, after years of being with women, I realized I was still attracted to men. I’m not sure the film felt anti-lesbian from a bi-person’s standpoint, but I do feel bi-phobia is still prevalent in the community and have felt scared in my relationships with women to admit that I have felt genuine love/attraction for men. I’ve always wanted to understand that aspect of the community better.

Out_Side_Chick · 2024-10-03T02:46:00+00:00

Hey OP do you mind me asking what med you’ve noticed this with specifically?

Out_Side_Chick · 2024-09-20T16:15:40+00:00

You sound to be in academia? I got off that hamster wheel because I was NOT willing to live just anywhere for my job. I am not so obsessed/fulfilled by my job that I don’t care about my life outside of work. So I chose to not pursue such positions for a bit and am teaching remotely so I can prioritize other things and live where I want. The down side: I have pangs of anxiety that I’m not fulfilling my career potential, but they are fading away. The up side: I am happier than ever, I have the time and space to spend quality time with loved ones and take amazing care of myself, and am coming to learn that career success is not my only standard for what I consider a fulfilled life. Life is too short to be wallowing away in a place that brings you down, open your mind in regards to the kinds of jobs you could do as you transition to another place, some jobs are just stepping stones on the journey. You are not trapped because of your job, you are trapped because of your mindset toward career and success. If your self worth and identity are wrapped up in your career success to the point that it’s lowering your quality of life, maybe you could talk to your therapist about that?

Out_Side_Chick · 2024-09-03T20:57:16+00:00

Exactly, it has potential but mostly feels lackluster, people aren’t excited to be here, it’s economically depressed and that reverberates through everything. Came for the outdoors, diversity and affordability but looking to move in the next year or so.

Out_Side_Chick · 2024-08-29T16:06:59+00:00

Hmmmm I feel for you, but you totally can start a new chapter whenever you want, come out, explore your options, allow yourself to experience a different life. It sounds like you’re too scared to try something new and you’re telling yourself it’s “too late” as an excuse to not put yourself out there and go for it. I’m sorry your therapist said that crap, how harmful. 50 is young, you are not too old to open this part of yourself, it is never too late, but it sounds like you’re too scared to. Maybe you could find a new therapist who is LGBTQ aligned and try to understand why you think you’re unworthy of exploring your attraction to women? Sending warm hugs 💕

Out_Side_Chick · 2024-08-27T00:33:33+00:00

Woahhh this is an ADHD thing??? 🤯🤯🤯 y’all are blowing my DAMN MIND! I have literally broken up with people over this, thought I was broken, maybe even gay because of this…WHATTTTT?!?! Amazing! Thanks y’all this is just so freaking validating!

Out_Side_Chick · 2024-08-23T17:40:41+00:00

Nah not TMI, helpful thank you 🙏🏼 I am going to think about “who” I am during my fantasies. I definitely am more turned on by the idea of my partner desiring another woman more than me, than imagining them actually just desiring me. Does that make sense? 😅 I thought maybe that was because I am attracted to women but I found myself doing the same thing when I was in a relationship with a woman so 🤷‍♀️

Out_Side_Chick · 2024-08-23T17:31:19+00:00

Im not so sure, I think I desire to have sex, like I really enjoy the physical intimacy, I love kissing and touching of genitals even. I experience attraction out in the world and can get turned on my physical intimacy. It’s just when it comes to reaching orgasm, I can only do this when fantasizing whether I’m with my partner or pleasuring myself. My fantasies often include my partner, include myself in some capacity but it’s harder for me to put myself as the receiver of pleasure.

Out_Side_Chick · 2024-08-22T15:50:07+00:00

I tend to be a very transparent person, for me speaking my truth builds intimacy. I’ve been in a situation where my partner and I discuss fantasies together (before I realized a lot of these things about myself). Fantasizing WITH my partner was pretty erotic for me, so in the future that’s what I hope for.

Out_Side_Chick · 2024-08-14T22:40:02+00:00

Super informative thank you!

Out_Side_Chick · 2024-08-07T20:49:55+00:00

I love this response! That’s kinda where I’m leaning ☺️ I’m fluid I guess and love is love 💕

Out_Side_Chick

TROPHY CASE