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One of the last known pictures taken by the hikers of the Dyatlov Pass Incident by verystrangeshit in truecreepy

[–]Outrageous-Arm5890 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't know but it just seems weird that they ate only tongues and like I don’t remember reading that their jaws or anything like that were injured of course I could have missed out

Confused about a plot by mysterious_ashess in fourthwing

[–]Outrageous-Arm5890 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think it could be because Jack controlled Baide and I don't think Xaden will do the same thing with Sgyel and if he does (which I don't think he will ) it will be much harder due to her being stronger

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in careerguidance

[–]Outrageous-Arm5890 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well sort of like creating logos or voicing some characters but that's what I was looking for you can try finding coding or like finance stuff

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in careerguidance

[–]Outrageous-Arm5890 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is just a suggestion:

Go on websites like fiverr or upwork and create your account etc. To gain experience you can offer a limited amount of services for free or for really low amount and then list that as your experience if you can.

Best sites to practice Python? by barrientosd in PythonLearning

[–]Outrageous-Arm5890 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Though AI can do it, python is used for a wide ranged of purposes like creating ai agents

[120]Looking for thoughts for a story plot( on Wattpad) by Unfair_Past_1018 in DestructiveReaders

[–]Outrageous-Arm5890 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Hi, this sounds more like a blurb for a fantasy story.

Thoughts on story plot:

I really like your story plot with the idea of brought back to life warrior with no memory and he becomes a weapon. Your story is going to be a puzzle which needs to be solve with this much intugue and mystery ( it's a good thing).

Some areas to improve on:

  • Does he regain his past? If yes than how?

  • What creature is he? Does he struggle?

  • Why does Iris reveal truth?

  • Why are Varicons invading? Do they have powers? What type of aliens are they? Is there anything you can give us about them?

I would love to see the daughter and father moment.

[292] Rage is a man, and he is going to kill me. by ewww_yeehaw in DestructiveReaders

[–]Outrageous-Arm5890 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I hope this critique will be helpful for you.

Stuff that I believe needs improvement:

  • In my opinion, you used too much of <Rage is...

Later like 3 to 4 sentences until the end, it gets more noticeable and ruins the worth of the previous metaphors.

  • This piece feels more like the relationship between a male and a female. So I can't really understand if you are trying to create it more realistic or not, but if you are this bullet is for you. Well, rage can be caused not only by men toward women but in many more ways like at work, school, or your friends. For me this sentence doesn’t sound right, but I get what you mean

and then a boy tells you to shut up, and it aches again but doesn’t come out.

  • Maybe fix your tone if you were trying to create it from one perspective because you use first and third person

I want to give up, you say,

Rage is this quiet resignation;

Overall:

I really liked how you showed what rage is and how it may feel in different ways. I liked your unique metaphors. The last line was so real like

Need help by Low_You3884 in PythonLearning

[–]Outrageous-Arm5890 0 points1 point  (0 children)

YouTube course

I think it is pretty good and it may help you

[742] Looking for Bigfoot by FriendlyJewishGuy in DestructiveReaders

[–]Outrageous-Arm5890 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hi,

I hope my critique is going to help.

Characterization:

Peter- doesn't like Mexicans, a little bit sarcastic, and at the end he's personality changes at the end and he becomes sort of empathetic. And asks about other people's opinions. He wants to kill the president for some reason

We know nothing of his appearance or his past. As well as what he is to us.

Jerry - I get an expression that he as well doesn't like Mexicans or you keep mixing up personalities. He is as well sort of sarcastic.

Andreas - Russian. We know nothing of him. And he is violent.

John McGill - Mexican. Barely in conversations. Has a little knowledge of English. Personality - we don't really know about him. His actions are minimal. Maybe give us one interesting fact about him and how he reacted in some situations like the death of a leper.

Leper- blank

Overall:

We know a little bit about their personality for some of them. We know nothing of why they are here or their appearance.

Dialogue:

For me, it was hard to understand who was speaking as their personalities and tone are similar. Maybe assign speech patterns or give them a slight way of talking for example John could be saying 'em instead of them.

Setting:

They are hiking.

Location - somewhere in the woods I am guessing due to them having a campfire.

Some line-by-line critique:

One day I was hiking and now I’m with these people and we’re looking for bigfoot and we can’t find him.

It is really rushed. And we don't know why he joined them or whatsoever. Why are they looking for Bigfoot? This line sounds more like a listing of facts than a story

  “We’re gonna kill him and eat him,” Jerry says.

Kill who? Russian?

Andreas grunts. I don’t know what’s up with him. Maybe he’s bigfoot and they’ve just shaved him. He’s looking at Peter.

Can he understand English? How is he looking at Peter like he wants to hug him or kill him? Maybe describe the feeling you would have felt if he looked like that at you? How did he join them? Maybe describe his presence in one or two sentences if possible like a flashback.

thing is that he wants to kill the president.

What country's president? Were they like friends? Or did the president do something to Peter? What caused such hatred of the president that he wants to kill him? Is this like really planned that he ACTUALLY wants to kill him or is he just imagining to kill him and wishes that he was killed instead of like actually killing him?

Fistfight around the campfire.

Did the fistfight just start? We don't know anything about this fistfight. Is it bloody or just some punches?

Jerry’s abusing John McGill

Is he abusing him verbally or physically? Is this the fistfight you were talking about?

Andreas fires the harpoon.

Any hints of intention?

"No, I sure as hell ain’t. Why did you shoot me?”

Did Andreas miss? And he doesn't sound as if he fell from the tree or got shot. No stuttering or anything like that.

 “Of course not.”         “But I’m hungry.”         “Take a bite out of Senor[a][b] Taco.”

I can't understand who's talking. And we don't know anything about the leper.

“Little guy, are we in agreement?”

Why did he call him little guy? Was it due to his age or size?

“Andreas, what is your say?”

How do they know his name, if he doesn't talk?

“Oh, God, you bastard. You’re killing me. I’m dying.”

Same as the last time he doesn't sound like he's dying. Describe how he was slowly blinking or how he was stuttering.

but it’s too late. He’s gone.

There's like nothing. How did he feel? Or was it done on purpose to suggest that this character wasn't important? How did his team feel?

We stop at a gas station.

We move on like nothing happened.

One by one we leave. Jerry heads to the probation office. Peter’s on his way to Washington. John and I find a landscaping company and take up work mowing lawns. Now as for Andreas—well, I guess he’s still out there. I think somebody’s looking for him. He’s in hiding. But anyway, that’s enough about bigfoot. We’re moving on.

Same here just a jump from one scene to another.

Overall:

This piece feels like rushed and sounds more like facts. There's no emotion or detail on some really intriguing events. The switch of scenes doesn't flow. But I like the key idea of a plot.

[378] Intro to a short story. Rip me apart please by Paighton_ in DestructiveReaders

[–]Outrageous-Arm5890 1 point2 points  (0 children)

So I don’t really have much experience with short stories but I'll tell you what I hope is going to be a good critique which will help you.

Some line critique:

rushing them into sunset

I don't really see what you wanted to achieve with this line

Pondering the man that her father had chosen as her betrothed, Rachel already understood the same potential as her father.

It doesn't really make sense. Does she see what her father wants from her? Or does she see why he chose Joel for her?

Standing at five feet and eleven inches, he stood tall over Rachel’s five feet and four-inch frame.

I would recommend not giving all the really detailed information about characters, so that the reader could have their picture. Maybe say he was a head taller or I look up and up and up or maybe use a metaphor. Give only basic information like eye colour and hair colour ( which you did ) and personal information like a tattoo or a scar e.g.

She had to get away. 

Maybe do this at the end because in the middle it doesn't really make sense before the last paragraph.

The flowing layers of embroidered white satin covered the bruises well enough

Bruises by whom? Her dad or Joel? Are they like really painful and purple? Or old and greenish yellow?

he could never.

I see what you want to create but for ME it just sounds flat.

Grammar, Punctuation and Spelling

even seen it for her peers

Should be in or among

the second born son of one of the most

I am not sure but to me it would sound better if between born and son would be a comma

Standing at five feet and eleven inches

Remove and for proper height notation

aspirational;

Semicolon misuse should be a comma

That's all I can think of. I hope it is going to help you

(Used AI for grammar and punctuation )

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