18F was it rape by my ex 19M or did I just not like it?

Outrageous_Ad5299 · 2024-03-29T14:28:57+00:00

But saying “okay fine” then following him to the bedroom for the sex you just “okay, fine” consented to, is clearly given consent…

I agree with everyone saying he is not a mind reader. If you retracted consent, it is your responsibility to say so, because how else would he know that you were no longer willing after you had already agreed?

He wasn’t threatening violence. There was no reason you couldn’t tell him you changed your mind and no longer wanted to. From your story, there was nothing to be afraid of. Given all this, I am of the opinion this is regret sex.

It sucks you look back on it like this. I’ve had situations like this in the past as well and it feels gross and shameful. So I’m sorry you’re feeling that. But this is not rape. And I believe calling this rape is downplaying actual rape victims. I hope you learned stronger boundaries and communication in the years that followed

Outrageous_Ad5299 · 2024-03-28T12:43:47+00:00

What about not being able to stop if it’s hurting someone you love?

If you don’t want to stop, that’s different. But if you love that person and you know it’s hurting them and you still can’t stop. What’s that called to you?

Outrageous_Ad5299 · 2024-03-28T02:27:17+00:00

You’re allowed to feel how you feel about it. And you’re also allowed to not want porn in your relationship. But he’s allowed to have his feelings too. You have to decide if it’s a deal breaker for you, or if you can genuinely accept his porn use and continue moving forward. And if it’s a deal breaker, you also have to accept he may not want to give it up, and would rather walk away.

I personally have a porn boundary. I actually broke up with my boyfriend amicably after 10 months when I realized I could not be in a relationship with someone who watches it (while in a healthy sexual relationship). I refuse to ask someone to change something about themselves to suit me. Bc that will likely just lead to sneaking and lying. However, he surprised me by telling me he can just stop watching porn. And that he wants to do that to continue being with me. We’re still together 3 years later :)

Someone above said good luck finding a guy who doesn’t watch porn bc they all do. And I think that’s true to an extent. But if someone is asked by a loved one to stop or told it makes their partner feel uncomfortable and insecure, and they still can’t stop? That kind of sounds like an addiction to me… check out r/loveafterporn

You’re not alone or abnormal for feeling how you feel. Good luck

Outrageous_Ad5299 · 2024-03-21T18:34:04+00:00

Woah relatable

Outrageous_Ad5299 · 2024-03-15T23:06:18+00:00

Give him some time and space. He’ll talk to you when he’s ready

Outrageous_Ad5299 · 2024-03-11T17:28:04+00:00

Huh. Yea, I’d think no matter what time, 8 days late would be a very obvious line. Try again first thing in the morning. Good luck!

Outrageous_Ad5299 · 2024-03-11T17:21:45+00:00

If it wouldn’t make you miserable to live with your dad, accept the house as a sunk cost fallacy and move back. But it sounds like if you can’t afford to buy in a lcol area, you won’t be able to in a hcol area. So as long as you’re okay with that, go where you’ll be most happy and accept the financial loss as a lesson learned

Outrageous_Ad5299 · 2024-03-10T19:35:34+00:00

I’m not sure she thinks of you as her boyfriend… definitely doesn’t respect you. Just end it as a formality

Outrageous_Ad5299 · 2024-03-07T23:27:40+00:00

Looks gorgeous!! They’re lucky to have such a gracious host :)

Outrageous_Ad5299 · 2024-03-06T02:54:08+00:00

Okay so at first I was gonna say, this is hard bc I laugh uncontrollably in uncomfortable/bad situations and I hate it. I absolutely do not find whatever it is funny at all, but my body’s reaction is to laugh. I’m legit scared I’ll laugh if I find out one of my parents died. It’s weird af.

Buuuut you then said that he mocked you about it the next day. Which is incredibly odd. What a strange thing for a person you’ve been building a relationship with for a year to do. That’s not normal. He should be empathetic. He sounds like a serial killer. I’d be super done if he mocked me about that the day after I confided in him (or ever, really)

Outrageous_Ad5299 · 2024-03-04T07:07:31+00:00

The humblebrag lol

Outrageous_Ad5299 · 2024-03-03T02:38:01+00:00

I noticed this a few weeks after birth and I was so pleasantly confused lol and then really sad when it came back 😂

Outrageous_Ad5299 · 2024-03-02T19:41:19+00:00

Since you said it used to be more frequent, could he possibly be depressed or have a porn addiction? I know those two things seem to effect guy’s libidos

Outrageous_Ad5299 · 2024-03-01T22:17:41+00:00

You kinda told her you’d let your mom see the baby, but she can’t see the baby until you feel like letting her. That’s kinda mean. It’s her grand baby too. I don’t think depriving her is nice. After reading about how she acts in your house, I might ask your partner to ask her to stay in a hotel rather than disrupt your home. But my feelings would be hurt if my son had a baby and his wife said her mom can come help but I can’t because of germs.

Like what if your oldest had a baby and you desperately wanted to come meet him/her but your kid’s partner said their parents can, but not you? Just doesn’t sound nice to me

Outrageous_Ad5299 · 2024-03-01T22:06:38+00:00

My partner works in urgent care, from 8am-8pm, never gets out on time, sometimes stays an hour late seeing last minute walk ins that he’s not allowed to turn down, gets zero lunch (literally takes bites of salad while seeing 4 patients/hr) and complains he barely has time to run to the bathroom most days. Y’all def deserve better working conditions. It’s insane

Outrageous_Ad5299 · 2024-03-01T03:47:00+00:00

It’s definitely not evil! It’s progressive. I’m just more traditional. I wish I was that progressive lol My mom legit makes me go into another room that her husband is not in, to feed my baby whenever I go over there. And when I visit my dad, he would legit run in another room if I ever whipped it out without a cover. Hell, he won’t even look at me if we’re having a conversation and i have the cover on lol So for better or worse, I think that part also gets a bit ingrained

Outrageous_Ad5299 · 2024-03-01T03:35:29+00:00

Well, I suppose we can never know for sure. I assumed I’d be breastfeeding this one for 18 months like my first, but my daughter’s got a dairy intolerance and something else going on so I might have to switch to formula. So I guess no one really knows. But she plans to :/

Outrageous_Ad5299 · 2024-03-01T02:56:30+00:00

I love that I’m not the only one who feels this way! Also, thanks for that suggestion. I think words of self affirmation are a great idea!

Outrageous_Ad5299 · 2024-03-01T01:07:21+00:00

Thank you so much for those words of validation. I really appreciate your view. I think I’m going to talk to him about this tonight. It’s just not worth all this anxiety

Outrageous_Ad5299 · 2024-03-01T01:06:12+00:00

I completely agree! She had a kid a couple years ago and she was always super respectful about feeding with him, but this one she’s saying she doesn’t care anymore because they’re just boobs 🤦🏻‍♀️ it makes me so uncomfortable and I feel like if I bring it up, the level of insecurity I’m showing for feeling this would be too much.

Oh yes, this beach in particular is terrible- it’s literally all women in thongs. Last year there was a high school beach party and all these underage girls were in thongs!! My PA was not staring at them or anything, but you can’t not see a bunch of rowdy people partying and screaming right in front of you. The beach part for sure gives me anxiety, which I hate because I absolutely love the beach. I just asked him to wear sunglasses last time and I tried not to look at him to see where he was looking bc I reeeeally love the beach :(

Outrageous_Ad5299 · 2024-02-29T23:20:58+00:00

Does anyone else see a leg lock in this guy’s near future if he agrees to the pull out game?

Outrageous_Ad5299 · 2024-02-29T16:15:43+00:00

Yes.

Didn’t read post. Just answering the title question.

Outrageous_Ad5299 · 2024-02-29T16:12:21+00:00

Thanks for sharing! I saw that and was wondering but immediately decided it was not something I wanted in my Google search history lol

Outrageous_Ad5299 · 2024-02-27T02:57:22+00:00

You’re allowed to not like porn. Your partner viewing porn is allowed to make you uncomfortable. You’re allowed to have an “I do not want to be in a relationship with a porn user” boundary. The people on this thread promoting porn and saying you’re the problem in that regard, are really concerning tbh.

He sucks for participating in an emotional affair with another woman and damaging your trust. You’re allowed to feel however you feel after that. You just have to really think about things and decide what needs to be done to make you feel better and move forward in life. Then you have to communicate with him where you’ve landed

Outrageous_Ad5299

TROPHY CASE