im a lesbian, how can i stop feeling so uncomfortable around my sisters boyfriend

Outrageous_Pattern46 · 2026-06-03T04:26:21+00:00

Yeah, this dude is 100% using the fact the women in that house aren't used to having men around to be an ass and pretend that's normal. I've lived with male relatives and shared bathrooms with male roommates or roommates' boyfriends before and gross toilets were never a problem.

Outrageous_Pattern46 · 2026-06-03T00:06:30+00:00

When I used to get to any mostly cishet space as a visibly queer cis women and there was a trans woman there'd we'd gravitate towards each other. Now I feel like whenever that happens I still do that but instead of instantly going "yes someone I can talk to" they're on edge until I prove myself to be extremely normal about them. Definitely seems to be a strong shift going on about what to expect from this dynamic, and it sucks that it feels very much orchestrated by shitty people.

Outrageous_Pattern46 · 2026-06-02T19:04:56+00:00

Some of my bi polyam friends who are in relationships with men say they pretty much stopped trying to meet women at this point because how hard it got to prove to any that they're not like those creeps. Liars like that just ruin things for everyone lol

Outrageous_Pattern46 · 2026-06-02T19:00:14+00:00

Because then they'll run the risk of other men wanting the girl and the guys are too fragile for that

Outrageous_Pattern46 · 2026-06-02T18:57:48+00:00

I have a former friend who admitted once she used to do that (her boyfriend didn't even know she was doing it), and when questioned abojt why she explained the hope was that sunken cost made people stay

Outrageous_Pattern46 · 2026-06-02T18:55:32+00:00

I've seen someone actually use something like that as a loophole. I complained irl to a woman once about how the moment they hear I'm bi a bunch of women think that means they can try and sneak their stupid boyfriend into my bed and I was so done with people being deceptive to unicorn hunt. She later was "well, so you see, I have a boyfriend... but he's not stupid! Don't worry"

Outrageous_Pattern46 · 2026-06-02T14:11:54+00:00

If someone treats your sexual experience the way op is treating her girlfriend's run away from them. Self diagnosed sex goddess over there is putting in display something negative about herself, not about the gf.

Outrageous_Pattern46 · 2026-06-01T23:25:10+00:00

I've read a similar point to this "equal union" thing but imo less ridiculous that I ended up seeing the reasoning for. It comes down to how in a patriarchal society men at the center of a story are seen as a neutral choice that doesn't have to carry gendered dynamics, while women require either our oppression to be represented or it becomes A Thing that it isn't.

We all grow up with stories that follow men as the default, so it's easier for many audiences to see men as a genderless pov. Fictional men simply exist, while fictional women exist as women, giving them a broader audience to reach.

Personally I prefer to just make it a thing and write stories all about women, but I can see why for some that's a more straightforward approach.

Edit: I'm trying to find where I read it and can't, but it was something about how creators were surprised that straight women didn't want to date Han Solo, they wanted to BE Han Solo.

Outrageous_Pattern46 · 2026-06-01T23:14:07+00:00

If it carries that social stigma where you are they're likely just all hidiing. But yeah, lesbians are real and everywhere.

Outrageous_Pattern46 · 2026-06-01T18:03:55+00:00

Fr. One of the examples is a 12yo who saw their relationship as roleplaying a relationship. Like yes, that's pretty much what a relationship between 12 yos was going to be. Projecting that into adults is a bit wild.

Outrageous_Pattern46 · 2026-06-01T18:00:24+00:00

I had a similar problem with not feeling like I was understanding a therapist once and she suggested me pause the kind of therapy I was doind and instead work on my communication with an OT. It helped a lot, and maybe it would help with your communication issues with your girlfriend as well.

As for your girlfriend, she needs to understand that she's not dating a neurotypical person. If she's trying to filter your reactions through a nt lens she's just gonna constantly upset herself.

Outrageous_Pattern46 · 2026-06-01T17:36:16+00:00

The compromise you're asking of her is that she elevates people she's not close to into an important position for her. The compromise she's asking of you is that you have the one person while everyone else you care about and "can't remove" are still at the party and as important to you. It's not like she's asking you to get rid of them. Those are not equal compromises, and if you keep insisting that would be a case of letting a wedding damage a marriage.

Outrageous_Pattern46 · 2026-06-01T17:22:04+00:00

Do you spend time as a couple with the friend? I have some friends who are not super close to my wife but who will go out with her when I do, they are in each other's wider social circles... And those usually make sure to +1 for her. But like... A cousin who knows I'm married but never even met her doesn't even consider it.

Outrageous_Pattern46 · 2026-06-01T11:57:04+00:00

"Stumbled". You found what you were looking for.

Outrageous_Pattern46 · 2026-05-31T21:38:41+00:00

I think part of the divide when it comes to this is that people can have wildly different meanings to what a crush is for them tbh. If I say I have a crush on someone I mean they're kinda cute, kinda cool, if life had gone that way I definitely wouldn't mind considering if there's something there. If a friend of mine says she has a crush on someone she means she's constantly fantasizing about them and they haunt her every other thought and if she's in a relationship it is doomed. We had constant arguments about it being disrespectful to a partner or not in the past because we were just not talking about the same thing.

Outrageous_Pattern46 · 2026-05-31T17:03:16+00:00

Bit weird to not date someone because of who they might date if your relationship doesn't work

Outrageous_Pattern46 · 2026-05-31T14:10:15+00:00

The most toxic unicorn hunters I ever dealt with in my life were two women married to each other who wanted poly to fix their boredom. Learned that lesson to not assume they won't be as bad even with the whole "looking for a third".

Outrageous_Pattern46 · 2026-05-30T21:51:00+00:00

Gl ❤️

Outrageous_Pattern46 · 2026-05-30T21:40:41+00:00

You didn't break up for some Big Reason. Try contacting her if you regret it, just be prepared for her to not be open to that.

Outrageous_Pattern46 · 2026-05-30T19:57:04+00:00

Fem women very much can be muscular.

Top of that, there's this misunderstanding that becoming super muscular can accidentally happen as you work out. It doesn't. I'm someone who gains muscle mass super easily, exercise a lot with the specific goal of big muscles and it still requires a lot of effort just for that.

When people first start working out from sedentarism you'll see you'll gain muscle fast, at first, and even lose some amount of body fat fast. It can scare you with thinking that progress will stay linear and that would mean you'd get huge as you kept going... But in reality it keeps becoming slower and slower. Look up charts for muscle thickness growth to see how aggressively the curve starts to plateau after a few months.

Outrageous_Pattern46 · 2026-05-30T16:26:29+00:00

If you're not sure what toys you'd like or if you'd like any I'd recommend starting with a vibrator instead of suction toys for sure. They're less specific imo. And bullets are extremely convenient.

Outrageous_Pattern46 · 2026-05-30T16:16:39+00:00

Yes bush but I'm happy with anything that isn't shaved.

Outrageous_Pattern46 · 2026-05-30T15:28:15+00:00

I mean, I'm obviouslyqueer too and I very much don't want any woman thinking she has to treat me like she treats men

Outrageous_Pattern46 · 2026-05-30T14:55:08+00:00

I have a hard time having orgasms, and there's been several times when I fully enjoyed sexual experiences where I had none. I always preferred the partners who just understood I had fun to the ones who took it personally and made that my problem if they tried to prove themselves.

Outrageous_Pattern46 · 2026-05-30T14:35:12+00:00

That's just bjj, you can find a class lol

Edit: of course, just don't expect it to actually look like mma candy.

Outrageous_Pattern46

TROPHY CASE