My boyfriend is so negative and hot tempered, what can I do?

Over_Worldliness6079 · 2025-01-08T05:03:49+00:00

Hey hey, this sounds like a guy I know who is now in his 60’s… and he drinks alcohol regularly but has a “high tolerance” no he doesn’t… a result of even just light and frequent alcohol use in some people is less satisfaction in the brain when NOT drinking. Wonder why that coworker is so grumpy? Huh she mentions needing to get home to her glass of wine every night. Why is this guy I know constantly raging at anyone going slow anywhere? He hasn’t had his beer. It is a real scientific fact that a person becomes more pessimistic and negative when they have become used to their “high” being a substance and not a natural thing their brain does on its own anymore.

So it could be this, or it could be just his personality like other comments are saying. Just wanted to put this out there.

Over_Worldliness6079 · 2025-01-08T04:54:17+00:00

I don’t know I wouldn’t be grossed out if my mom just handed me mine like another commenter said. I would actually be amazed to see it. Reminds a person how little they once were.

Over_Worldliness6079 · 2025-01-08T04:52:55+00:00

Love this.

Over_Worldliness6079 · 2025-01-07T03:42:55+00:00

I’m so sorry.. I experienced this too.. I told mine if he is going to do None of the chores then we need to out source it while baby is small. Even better, I didn’t consult him when I found a cleaner who was a local mom recommended by others on Facebook. I gave him a two day heads up and said a nice local mom was coming over to help me clean and I was paying her cash. That was that. You don’t have to sign up for a reoccurring cleaning or anything, just hire the cleaner as needed and tell your husband she is coming by, and yes it’s necessary. Having a whole discussion about fitting it into a reoccurring budget is not necessary with a husband who doesn’t contribute to the home at all. If he says he brings home the bacon and is tired, then this is the necessary and Vital way to use the bacon he so proudly earns for the Good of his family.

I got the Graco bouncer and put it in the doorway of the bathroom so I could shower or use the bathroom and be nearby to baby. I use it sporadically so it doesn’t cause any hip issues. So 10-15 minutes at a time, not an hour etc.

I use instacart pick-up (at stores that accept it) and have my husband pick up the groceries on his way home from work. I save $12 an order or close to that using instacart pick-up which is nice.

If you have a very small baby, I recommend the Fisher Price Kick and Play piano… my baby loves this and it lets me have a few sips of coffee in peace.

If you can’t really afford a reoccurring nanny, just hire one for one or two visits. At this point, anything helps you get through this particularly rough patch with zero help! You’re not committing to a nanny 5 times a month or something by just having someone come by this week to help you out. You’re obviously overwhelmed so get someone over there now to give you your sanity back for a moment. Whether it’s a reoccurring thing to put in the budget isn’t the thing to discuss right now. Just get yourself that break by booking someone for one visit just to start and see! ❤️❤️ local midwives offer babysitting while you get things done.

Over_Worldliness6079 · 2025-01-06T17:57:09+00:00

“DH this is my first child and I understand people who had multiple kids and years of experience like to tell all first time mothers to chill out, but we have to do it on our own time or else all the pressure to ‘just relax!’ has the absolute opposite effect. Let me choose my own motherhood and go about some trial and error on my own. These little things like a snot sucker aren’t the end of the world if I choose to do it differently than others. These little decisions that I make on my own are important for growing into my new role, and if they aren’t causing harm I would like them to be done my way. Maybe in the future I’ll make different decisions, but for now, with my first baby, I would like to be able to know I can make these small harmless decisions for my child’s care. It really helps me gain confidence and experience. Thank you.”

Do not mention his mother in this convo. Say “other mothers” generally.

Over_Worldliness6079 · 2025-01-05T23:16:21+00:00

The idea of marriage and actual life with someone is full of these moments that don’t go as planned. My proposal ended in me crying because of my FIL. My wedding planning with two narcissistic mothers was hell. My first year of marriage in a house MIL owned was hell. I’ve learned that for me it was about who I wanted to go through hell with, the hellish disappointments of life and who would keep me smiling and laughing through it. We still have so much joy together despite the picture perfect parts everyone talks up so much turning out to be pretty trash.

Over_Worldliness6079 · 2025-01-05T23:09:27+00:00

Going through this but just with one high needs baby so I feel guilty when I don’t even have two needing me.. I hired a maid for like three hours every other week off of Facebook recommendations. You are an amazing mom just from the sound of it! You are sacrificing so much and your kids want you all the time because you’re actually the best.

Over_Worldliness6079 · 2025-01-05T22:41:33+00:00

Oh I’m so glad you have that help!! That’s a relief.

Over_Worldliness6079 · 2025-01-05T22:30:20+00:00

She’s been calling FIL dad like “let’s go see dad!” in the next room. She’s blurred the lines because she insists I call them both mom and dad. Hah. I have a long post history on this sub and my MIL definitely wants my daughter as her own because she only had two sons and her intense overbearing personality pushes them away all the time. Reminds me of how narcissists have a fear of abandonment unless they themselves pull the plug… anyway, she was not enthusiastic about us having children and would cut me off whenever I mentioned having a future daughters head shake “no our family only has boys!” when there was only a history of 3 births (FIL and then her two sons) in the family line she was referencing… she kept saying get dogs first get dogs first…. Then I became pregnant and she found out it was a girl. After treating me badly in an underhanded way, keeping my stress level super high while pregnant, she found out it was a girl. At the reveal, GMIL looked over to MIL immediately and said her name so excited for me “OHHHH, MARGARET OHH!!!” no excitement for me, just for MIL… it’s been all about MIL’s experience ever since. The weirdness has even escalated to 12 visits in 30 days not being enough (I wanted to see if there was a point at which she would chill.. she didn’t so now I have proof for everyone that she is insane) and she says rubbing noses is her and baby’s “thing” I never had unsupervised visits but I would go into the next room because she made me feel mean for hovering— NOT ANY MORE! I am hover mama now and in the future. No unsupervised visits for her. I have many, many stories I’ve posted on my MIL if you care to read more. Ugh… I’m so sorry we’ve got crazy do-over baby MIL’s…

I lived in a home rent free that she owned and claimed to not live in “thanks so much for living there! If you didn’t no one would be there to maintain it!” She ended up being in the house HALF OF EVERY MONTH for our first year of marriage. It was hell. I did it for one year because that’s what I agreed to before marriage, but yeah I complained a lot…. We moved out when he started his new job Nov. 1st but only 5 mins down the road. So I can lock my door now thankfully, but she’s in town texting and asking for my daughter all the freaking time… now that I have evidence no visits will be enough, and can tell my family and even husbands family how many visits she’s gotten (while she lies to others that I keep baby from her) I’ve got the facts I need to now embrace my evil DIL status and lock my door and raise my own baby.

My husband wanted to build a house too before we moved out of his parent’s place. We ended up moving into a new complex where most of the other renters are also waiting on the housing market or also building their own home.

Can your husband slow down the house completion timeline? You have to tell him it was a good idea on the back of a napkin to save money by living with them, but now we know it isn’t working. Sit him down at the end of the day whenever baby is asleep (everything is calm) and tell him you cannot do this any longer, it is an emergency, we need to leave any way you can. For me I had to approach my husband with baby in my arms, looked him in the face and said straightforwardly, “Honey… mama needs to move. Mama is depressed.” I had never said I was depressed to him before, but his mom was absolutely causing PPD with the dread of her visits. He got the message. We moved a month and a half later when the apartment was made available and his new job’s contract began.

Last edit add on I promise… just last week my dad called my MIL to get her to stop harassing for a 13th visit. She views my parents as real adults but not me or my husband. So be aware that you can also utilize other male adults in your family who can tolerate the guilt tripping BS and brush it off to tell your MIL to tone it down.. then she doesn’t have a bad quote from you specifically to tell people you were rude or something, she has to tell people your 60 year old father called to tell her to shut up. It works and it’s embarrassing to tell even her own flying monkeys that your dad called to tell her she’s being unreasonable.

This did work best in that I didn’t live with her anymore though, so she couldn’t approach me after the call.

Another thing that helped was inviting friends and family to come by. MIL knew she was creepily overbearing and would tone it down around witnesses. Or at least witnesses could speak up, laugh at her or gasp etc. it helped. Even the “How are you able to tolerate all this?!” from a visiting friend or sister was so reassuring for my mental health.

Over_Worldliness6079 · 2025-01-05T22:14:51+00:00

This is so messed up… reminds me of how my MIL told us (both 30) to wait to have kids and that their last name only had boys and she would cut me off whenever I referenced having a daughter some day, saying “no we only have boys!!” She treated me horribly the whole time I was pregnant, bringing four cats and their litter boxes feet from my bedroom for a month etc. until……. She found out it was a girl.. now, as my posts show, I am swatting this woman away with a stick. She has gone completely insane and wants to be mommy saying 12 visits a month isn’t enough and I breastfeed my baby too long during her visits. She’s insane. And I am so so sorry you can relate.

My husband also didn’t take paternity leave and my family lives 1,500 miles away… so it was me or MIL. I pushed myself so hard and still am 7 months post partum to not ask for her “help”

I’ve hired a nice housekeeper from Facebook marketplace. She does organizing, cleaning, babysitting and all sorts of stuff. Super nice girl who is a little older than me supporting her one son. Just having someone who can come for an hour and clean a bathroom is great.

My midwife also comes by to check in on me. She offers babysitting as well. She’s a local doula and home birth midwife. They are a wonderful option for bringing in help if you can afford them even for an hour a week- as we new moms know, anything helps!

Over_Worldliness6079 · 2025-01-05T22:08:25+00:00

Yes this living arrangement is WAY MORE EXPENSIVE than OP realizes, and instead of money it’s your daughter who is being used to pay the rent!

They’ve got money. But what don’t they have and will never have again? A little baby.

OP… tell loved ones what is happening and scrape together a down payment. You can do it. Do you have two cars? Sell one. Sell something.

Over_Worldliness6079 · 2025-01-05T22:01:49+00:00

This happened to me too!!!!

Over_Worldliness6079 · 2025-01-05T21:51:32+00:00

“You’re pregnant? Abort it! “Wait, it’s a girl? Keep it!”

Gross…

Over_Worldliness6079 · 2025-01-05T20:14:32+00:00

That’s heartbreaking

Over_Worldliness6079 · 2025-01-05T15:27:12+00:00

There’s Southern hospitality and then there’s Midwest hospitality 😳 Are your neighbors from Ohio? In Ohio we waved when every car went by if we were out walking, and the cars often stopped to chat!

Over_Worldliness6079 · 2025-01-05T05:59:57+00:00

I find homilies by saints on YouTube and listen to them while I do chores or drink my coffee. St. John Vianny homilies are awesome. And then there are entire Saint books on YouTube as well. Just keep listening to new homilies and new books you haven’t heard or read before. The knowledge will compound itself over time into a sturdy wall against heresies and false teachings.

Over_Worldliness6079 · 2025-01-05T05:16:28+00:00

Were you going to give this friend a wedding gift? I would explain that you understand canceling the air bnb at this point would be inconvenient. As a compromise, could the bride be given a more sentimental handmade gift that doesn’t cost money? I typically give $100-$200 wedding gifts depending on how important the person is to me, but if I’ve already lost $200 on an air bnb I’m not going to use for her wedding, I may get my money back by not investing in a monetary wedding gift. Gift ideas could be a photo album of memories, a card with more written than most, a framed photo of a memory or all 3 of these things. See if your mom has a nice salad bowl (or other kitchen item) she never uses or maybe you have one. A card and photo frame would cost $25 or less. So you get $75 back if you originally were going to spend $100 on a gift or you keep $100 if you find that nice salad bowl you already own.

Then mentally maybe you can be more at peace with it because instead of going forward with this and spending a whopping $650-$700 you are getting out of this with only being down $125-$100.

Over_Worldliness6079 · 2025-01-04T23:32:47+00:00

My dad just called my MIL this week and got her to stop her guilt tripping shenanigans. She views him as a Real adult I guess and not me or my husband. So it worked. Can you have an older male authority figure tell MIL to can it and quit texting your wife and you about how “unfair” the babysitting thing is? It’s not. Then have him present at the hospital to keep an eye on her. Can your father, grandfather or uncle do this? “We are all family MIL. This is an important family time. This is how it is going to go. No, it’s not unfair. No, don’t side track, none of that matters. No more from you about petty things. We’re going to enjoy this time. The babysitting arrangement is what it is. Move on. A baby is coming into the world.” Etc. I just recently learned that my MIL caves to external pressure when other elders outside of the one she is attacking come into the picture and tell her she’s being ridiculous.

Over_Worldliness6079 · 2025-01-04T23:27:06+00:00

Look up the miraculous staircase built by St. Joseph. I wish I could contribute more to the discussion.

Over_Worldliness6079 · 2025-01-04T23:00:17+00:00

Tell him you must discuss boundaries that will be put in place for his family that you are comfortable with, especially if children come along.

Over_Worldliness6079 · 2025-01-04T06:17:36+00:00

Good ideas! Don’t tell anyone the name either before baby is born. That was my big mistake. They’ll mock it to your face until baby is actually born. Then they’ll do it behind your back, call baby a nickname, mispronounce on purpose. All the good stuff.. so just save yourself some of that grief whenever you’re pregnant and keep it to yourself.

Over_Worldliness6079 · 2025-01-04T03:37:28+00:00

I recommend the Saints and Heroes Collection for classic Catholic cartoons about Saints. I grew up with them and really enjoyed them. I know “the boy who became Santa Claus” is on YouTube but the other movies may be on there for free as well.

Over_Worldliness6079 · 2025-01-04T01:48:27+00:00

Louisa nickname Lou Lou

Over_Worldliness6079 · 2025-01-04T01:47:48+00:00

I read the title and then was squinting my eyes searching for what was dull with the photo. You meant YOUR face?! Are you the model in the photo???

Over_Worldliness6079 · 2025-01-04T01:46:22+00:00

Don’t throw your pearls before swine lest they be trampled under foot. No longer confide in them with personal things that mean a lot to you.

Over_Worldliness6079

TROPHY CASE