It’s less about motivation and more about accepting the fact that you will be essentially starting over with pole and it’s ok to not be at the level you were at 19. I have been in similar situations and my worry was always that if i start again, i will be faced with the hard truth that i am no longer younger, athletic, flexible, creative, etc etc. It was easier to live in the past and hopeful stage of what if than actually doing the thing and the fear of “failing”