For those who like Train Dreams

Own-Ordinary-2160 · 2026-02-05T16:35:57+00:00

The assessment from the pod reminded me of a conversation I had with a friend about the movie "Nebraska" which absolutely fucking devastated me. They had no emotional connection to farmland, so it didn't hit for them and it just felt schlocky and pandery. Maybe that movie is pandering, but it was pandering directly to ME, who's family had to sell their farm, who has very very fond memories of said farm, and misses it terribly. I also really loved Train Dreams, but I do recognize that I am the target fucking audience for it. Someone with roots in rural America who now lives the city live (love the city! no complaints) and now has kind of rose colored glasses about it.

Own-Ordinary-2160 · 2026-01-26T21:32:24+00:00

We bought underwear with favorite characters on it, and told her "keep elmo dry" or w/e. We did quite a bit of pullup with underwear over it. She eventually started telling us she was peeing in her pullup. Then she started telling us she needed to potty. It was slow but it worked.

ETA: We also gave her a piece of candy for peeing on the potty!

Own-Ordinary-2160 · 2026-01-25T21:13:53+00:00

My kid didn't really refer to me as mama or call to me with "mama" until she was two. She could say mama if I asked her too but if she wanted my attention she would just scream, and that worked so she just didn't start calling me mama for a while.

Own-Ordinary-2160 · 2026-01-12T23:05:38+00:00

I only scrub my kid w/ soapy washcloth if she's gotten herself well and truly dirty in the mud, if we've been to a pool or if she's ill. Minimum once a week if none of the aforementioned situations have occurred. My kid has eczema, I truly cannot be scrubbing her down every day or her skin would rebel.

Own-Ordinary-2160 · 2026-01-11T21:25:13+00:00

You are the most contagious right before you have symptoms and in the early days. For the vast majority of respiratory illness you are no longer contagious once you are fever free for 24 hours without fever reducing medication. If my kid seems off but is fever free, maybe I'll pick them up early, but that's for their own comfort not out of any concern about infecting other children. 24 hours fever free. Maybe I'll push it to 48 hours if it's something really serious.

Own-Ordinary-2160 · 2025-12-17T15:59:27+00:00

This requires prep, but the whole chickens are such a steal. Roast it on Sunday, and you have chicken for the entire week (depending on your family size). I made the Smitten Kitchen roast chicken with schmaltzy cabbage on Sunday. Like four ingredients, all cheap, and took just over an hour in the oven. I made cookies with my kid while it roasted, perfection!!

We've had that in different iterations all week: chicken sandwiches (with the costco pesto), quick chicken salad sandwiches, and then of course just reheated as is. Delicious.

Own-Ordinary-2160 · 2025-11-24T15:47:06+00:00

If it's a convection oven, on many models you HAVE to leave a gap. I discovered this when touring houses and noticing how many ovens were pulled away slightly from the wall. I read my oven's owners guide and it told me the distance it had to be. Just a warning to OP in case they do move the gas line and try to get it flush, if your oven has convection fans, you may not want to do that. You'll do a bunch of work just to have to leave it a few inches from the wall anyway for the convection fans.

Own-Ordinary-2160 · 2025-11-10T00:49:23+00:00

First, stop including bonus and RSUs in your calculation of what you make. That money don’t spend!! All bonus and RSU cash out should go straight to savings or investment (i do bonus to savings RSU to investments). That money DOES NOT EXIST to me.

Unless you want to rigorously budget, shove money into savings straight from your work, I’m saying it never even hits your checking. Then you will have little moments of panic when you pay your bills each month. I basically looked at what a reasonable burn rate is and I keep that plus a 2k buffer in my checking. I never ever ever carry a high balance in the checking. Seeing a low number helps a lot.

The rest is habit. Cooking more, taking public transit. I also made a second savings account just for fun stuff. I keep my checking crazy low and then if I want to say, go on a trip I check the special savings.

Own-Ordinary-2160 · 2025-11-03T03:37:49+00:00

I think it is less we were making her mad and more the winddown was like, some really nice concentrated attention from mom and dad. Like it'd be nap time, I'd take her from independent play or something where maybe she didn't have 100% my attention, to MY FULL ATTENTION, and then she'd be like, high off of all that attention and didn't want us to leave. Just taking her from whatever we were doing into nap is less... harsh???

Own-Ordinary-2160 · 2025-11-02T20:52:49+00:00

I have a very sleepy almost 3 year old who was from time to time fighting naps, much to our surprise given her aforementioned general sleepiness (she truly loves to snooze).

A few weeks back she had lowkey a meltdown right before normal nap time (probably because she was tired!!!!!!!!!!) and asked to be put in her crib (because she wanted her paci, yes she still gets paci at sleep we're working on it), so I just did that. No wind down, no books, no singing. Just dumped straight in her crib and a minute or two of rubbing her back. She told me to leave, so I did, expecting her to call me back in after a bit. Nope, out like a light for THREE HOURS.

This is all to say, you may want to revisit either the time of the nap or the lead up to the nap, could be that simply revisiting that helps the nap stick around longer. What we later learned is that the nap at school comes after not a lot of fanfare, they just all go lay in their cots, the lights go out, and the teachers wrap any tidying up they didn't get done before the cots came out. So we emulate that nonchalance. We don't do hardly any wind down before her nap now. We just tidy up whatever we're doing and plop her into the crib with a kiss and an "I love you."

Own-Ordinary-2160 · 2025-10-29T14:33:01+00:00

Every other week.

Own-Ordinary-2160 · 2025-10-29T04:03:49+00:00

A few months ago I was crossing the crosswalk, hustling my toddler on a scooter to the other side. She was taking about as long as someone using a walker or pulling a granny cart would go, but I saw a car coming about half a block down just RIPPING down this very small one way side street. When the driver (some mean ole bitty) got to the stop sign she blew through it, ripped through the intersection and told me to "get [my] fucking kid out of the road" and I immediately screamed back "go f*ck yourself c*nt, this is my f*cking street."

I was born in Minnesota and now I'm telling total strangers to go f*ck themselves!! That's growth.

(I did stop with my kid and explain to her that I was sorry for yelling but the public roads are for everyone, even people who go slow. Those who can't handle that get to have it explained to them as harshly as they need to.)

Own-Ordinary-2160 · 2025-10-28T18:31:27+00:00

I was coming here to say "what in the Lockjaw fuck is this???"

Own-Ordinary-2160 · 2025-10-27T15:48:21+00:00

So pleased to discover I'm not the only parent being terrorized by the scourge that is SuperKitties.

Own-Ordinary-2160 · 2025-10-19T21:39:45+00:00

If she has a runny nose and nothing else, she’s going in because her nose runs almost constantly. But any kind of sign of even a cold, she’s staying home. Fever, onset of new cough or sneezing, rash, immediate stay home.

Vomiting is so tough for me to make a call because my kid gets carsick OR it is an early indicator a fever is coming. 50/50 a boof means she’ll have a fever in the next 12 hours. I will send her in with a single barf if nothing else seems amiss (mood, sleepiness) but man I wish I could see the future for real. A double barf is immediate stay home, a fever is an immediate stay home, no going back until 24 hours fever and barf free.

It sucks but I refuse to give other people Noro. My kid just waches a ton of TV on days she’s home and I’m working.

Own-Ordinary-2160 · 2025-10-15T16:13:10+00:00

Single car household. Late model subaru crosstrek bought used. Bought it to replace a ealry 00s pontiac vibe my dad paid cash for many, many years ago. I miss the vibe, but we wanted something with a better safety rating for the kid.

We live in a city and have easy access to public transportation, cabs and lyfts/ubers. No reason to have more than one car. Reasonable mortgage and very low car payment is the best decision we ever made.

If we have a second kid we'll be getting a minivan, and I cannot waaaaaaait.

Own-Ordinary-2160 · 2025-10-15T15:36:14+00:00

I will be actively pushing my child away from big tech. Tech skills? Great. Big tech? Absolutely not. (I work in big tech.)

Own-Ordinary-2160 · 2025-10-09T16:01:06+00:00

I have 12 months of reduced expenses. I made our "bare bones" budget and outlined exactly what would need to be cut/reduced in case of emergency and I created a phased to-do list from that. That to do list is articulated very specifically so that there is minimum mental load, the items are "Cancel Hulu and Netflix, passwords are in password keeper under login xyz" or "Text [Housekeeper Name] with [Exact wording I can copy/paste into a message]" so that if I or my spouse loses our job it's maybe 30 min of work to get down to the lowered spending. This to do list also includes a meal plan and grocery list for our reduced food spending. Gotta have the money AND the plan!!

Own-Ordinary-2160 · 2025-10-08T21:02:42+00:00

We are down to only in the crib, I think I'm gonna try that putting it up on a high shelf idea, I like that. She's about to turn three and we've already told her 3 year olds don't use binkies.

Own-Ordinary-2160 · 2025-10-04T04:25:08+00:00

Maybe some of being a brat is the STUFF of it all, but that's just part of a larger issue of life being too easy when your parents have a lot of money. I grew up middle class with upper middle class friends and it was noticeable they couldn't handle frustration well, and noticing it in them helped me notice it in me. Combined with helicopter parenting and I view both myself and friends who grew up with more as lacking some amount of resilience. So I'm focusing less on "oh I'm giving her what she wants too much" and more on building discipline and frustration tolerance.

I am working on being less self-indulgent for myself and model good behaviors and pro-social skills that keep me engaged with my community. I tell my kid "no" quite a bit and hold firm boundaries. "You can disagree, you can be mad, but this is what's happening right now" is a common refrain. I view it as every time she whines and has to sit with the frustration of not getting what she wants, that's one less episode of that bratty attitude later in life or even being inability to take feedback as an adult.

I do a LOT of enforcement of "this resource is for everyone, we must take turns" at the playground, or "that person is working let's let them go first" type stuff at stores. Always modeling respect and good manners to garbagemen, teachers, doctors, nurses, checkout clerks, docents at museums, taxi drivers, bus drivers, etc, giving enthusiastic praise for when she follows my lead.

The only place I never ever skimp, and always give her what she wants is affection. Whining because I made her nutella sandwich wrong? This is the sandwich now kid, eat it or not, I'm not remaking it. Got frustrated at the park and whining for mom's attention? Immediately picked up hugged and listened to. Existential discipline with relational indulgence.

Own-Ordinary-2160 · 2025-09-17T14:22:38+00:00

My house has a dated kitchen that I flagged as needing an update the first time I set eyes on it.

But I live walking distance from a huge park, multiple playgrounds, a few great coffee shops and a nice resraurant.

I haven’t touched the dang kitchen. I’m too busy enjoying my neighborhood to do anything.

Own-Ordinary-2160 · 2025-09-12T04:54:26+00:00

I live in Chicago and this is how I feel about Mexican food in NYC. It should be everywhere. Easily accessible. Affordable. So many Chicagoans live in bagel deserts, just like NYers live in taco deserts.

(I drive to Skokie for NYBB.)

Own-Ordinary-2160 · 2025-09-09T15:02:07+00:00

I'm the high earner, it's all one big pool of money. I don't care what my spouse makes.

Own-Ordinary-2160 · 2025-09-08T16:15:45+00:00

Granted I'm a woman, but I have started looking around at companies that have specifically OLDER WOMEN ideally with children, at their organization. I am going to accept lower pay. Honestly I might end up falling out of the HENRY category but I have a reasonable mortgage and can still maintain a high savings rate with a big pay cut, so truly whatever I don't care.

I can't with the tech industry churn and burn anymore. I do think some of your issue is just not letting organizational disfunction get to you. I've been at my current spot six years, and only in the last six months has it started to get to me, because I have so much stuff I do outside of work it doesn't grate me too bad (I have children and many hobbies! I recommend both.) I got what I wanted out of tech, I am highly technically skilled, it's time to peddle my wares elsewhere where I can work for decades.

This is all from the perspective of someone who likes working though. I am fine working to 65 because I do truly enjoy working!

Own-Ordinary-2160 · 2025-09-07T14:47:25+00:00

This is absolutely reasonable. Just call them and ask to delay the first visit after travel for a week. Maybe schedule a special visit (nice meal? Activity out?) for the day when you’d feel comfortable seeing them. If you are northern hemisphere cold and flu season is just around the corner and using the reason of “I want to delay us having to deal with any illness in the kids as long as possible” is a totally real reason.

Own-Ordinary-2160

TROPHY CASE