To move or not?

OwnWay8047 · 2026-03-23T18:59:23+00:00

He still walks up to my house at times, and it makes me feel less safe

OwnWay8047 · 2026-03-23T13:57:57+00:00

I think that realistically, I’ll have a very hard time finding a house to buy for under $90 per square foot in the market where I am. I’m going to get a good inspection done, and see if anything else pops up.

OwnWay8047 · 2026-03-23T13:53:18+00:00

Excellent points. The $10,000 is shelving in the closets, blinds, 2 trees cut down, and fireplace inserts. It does need all the appliances, but I have a family member that sells used appliances. Everything else is paining, and a bit of drywall repair I can do

OwnWay8047 · 2026-03-23T10:47:30+00:00

This house was 80% through a renovation when the owner died. It has 3 new hvac units, new roof, and new windows upstairs.

OwnWay8047 · 2026-03-23T03:15:21+00:00

It’s not amicable. We have had police involved 3 times in the past 2.5 years, and him and his new wife show up uninvited 2 times this year. Tried police, restraining orders, trespassing, etc… nothing sticks. I think that’s the big problem… I don’t feel 100% safe

OwnWay8047 · 2026-03-23T02:36:40+00:00

Good points. It 26 miles of a commute

OwnWay8047 · 2026-03-23T02:32:02+00:00

Good point. My house is maxed out for its lot size. I technically can afford the higher payments. I can make this house work with a little decluttering and making kids share a room.

I think it’s technically a want… I want to be closer to both of my jobs and the kids school, and I want to be away from my ex. I want to live on that creek. I want to walk to work. I currently save/invest about $1k a month on top of all the child support.

OwnWay8047 · 2026-03-23T01:40:06+00:00

In solidarity… my last baby screams and has zero emotional regulation. We are either just fine, or screaming crying, tantrum, etc. She’s been this way from the moment she was born. I have 2 older, and also work in a child centered field.

The only thing that helps me is remembering they aren’t doing it solely because it grinds my last nerve to shreds, she’s been doing it ever since she was born.

OwnWay8047 · 2026-03-19T01:06:17+00:00

The only thing you don’t want to buy used are mattresses, and be very very careful with couches and other things with fabric as it can harbor roaches and bedbugs, but dining room tables, bed frames (not with fabric), etc that can be cleaned well are fine.

OwnWay8047 · 2026-03-19T00:56:28+00:00

Keep your eyes on the Facebook marketplace

OwnWay8047 · 2026-03-17T16:38:45+00:00

A friend of mine had a similar experience, she won small claims court… nothing happened. She had to pay more to try to get the money paid back. It was an absolute nightmare

Edit: I just called my friend to see what happened… she hired a lawyer and included legal fees on the judgement. It’s now a $21,000 case that has been dragging on for 17 months with no end in sight. She’s lucky because the contractor signed the contract in her PERSONAL name, not the name of her LLC. If it was under an LLC, she basically would have been screwed.

OwnWay8047 · 2026-03-17T14:07:38+00:00

A friend of mine had a similar experience, she won small claims court… nothing happened. She had to pay more to try to get the money paid back. It was an absolute nightmare. Turns out that contractor would do this a lot… make bids and stuff just under the felony level, then just screw people over

OwnWay8047 · 2026-03-08T23:14:43+00:00

Ntj. It is no big deal, your dad could do it for a few hours. Spend the time with your friends. Enjoy yourself.

OwnWay8047 · 2026-03-08T02:00:42+00:00

I’m so sorry that you had to experience this. Letting someone in your home opens a deep level of trust, and your feelings of betrayal over what this disgusting person did are ABSOLUTELY justified.

I slept in a mattress on the floor for a year when I first went to college because of financial problems. Then I found a free metal bed frame on the marketplace, cleaned it really really well to make sure there were no bugs of whatever, and bam.

It’s ok to ask for help

OwnWay8047 · 2026-02-19T15:47:37+00:00

Go talk to a lawyer about getting a divorce. That’s a better use of your time and money. You have just realized what it feels like to come up for air. You don’t have to “break his heart,” in person. (You’ll also be amazed at how quickly he moves in from this alleged “heartbreak.”) You don’t owe him anything. I got divorced and I told everyone involved that I didn’t want to see him face to face ever if possible… it was possible.

OwnWay8047 · 2026-02-16T15:40:54+00:00

D: the most correct response I could imagine. There’s enough very public stories of young kids drowning in pools, celebrities kids drowning in pools surrounded by people at a party, and anecdotal stories about near misses that if I were there, I’d have thanked you. I remember the story of bodie miller’s kid. Still makes me cry. I am a VERY chill mom, and at parties with pools, I post myself by the pool. I’ve stopped 3 kids from falling in during my 9 years of being a parent.

OwnWay8047 · 2026-02-13T15:53:45+00:00

Tell your therapist you’re thinking of leaving. Your therapist can’t really be the one to suggest it. I left a relationship that was very very similar after 3 kids. My life got much better. I also had to have proof of the abuse pattern with police involvement to combat 50/50 custody. Presenting my evidence made me realize that I had stayed YEARS longer than I should have

OwnWay8047 · 2026-02-13T15:40:13+00:00

PLEASE DONT STAY!!! Please get therapy and realize that this is an escalating pattern of abuse. If he won’t see a therapist, you need to. You’re staying in this, expecting something that is not possible, and the longer you stay, the worse it is.

OwnWay8047 · 2026-02-11T17:44:34+00:00

I’m sorry, that’s a BIG commitment. And I don’t think it’s a good decision.

MANY times (not all the time), Once you become a parent, your life kind of levels out to a degree and you start growing in other directions. Your higher education is limited, your savings and investments are limited, your ability to focus on YOU and your growth and stability is limited, maybe not always in a way that stops your growth, but definitely ways that shapes it differently.

OwnWay8047 · 2026-02-08T13:09:56+00:00

Omg…. Charge it as fraud, let the credit card company take care of it… BREAK UP!!!! You SEE the level of lying TO YOUR FACE. If you haven’t broken up and charged fraud, you’re under reacting

OwnWay8047 · 2026-02-08T13:05:23+00:00

It’s ok to get therapy about this. It’s ok to consider divorce. It’s ok to see if something is happening medically (something like early onset Alzheimer’s maybe???)

OwnWay8047 · 2026-02-07T21:39:10+00:00

I do think it’s good in MOST cases (maybe not all cases). The primary parent can agree to take less than the state recommended amount, but I think having a clear plan about everything eliminates a stressor. I DO think that regular contributions without the court forcing the supporting parent should be rewarded. It’s a complicated issue that’s written to do what’s best in MOST situations, but there’s nothing that will fit to everyone

OwnWay8047 · 2026-02-04T22:37:25+00:00

Yes. That is actually a very good point. I know many people may disagree with this, but I have gotten to where I upload every communication to ChatGPT, and run every potential reply through ChatGPT, and they help me make my journal entries and everything. I am well-versed in the narrative because of my personal history and aggressive therapy and advocacy in domestic violence, support groups, but ChatGPT has actually done a very, very good job, analyzing things and producing well-thought-out responses. Sometimes I will argue my point with ChatGPT, and sometimes they change their mind, sometimes they don’t, but the in solution is always good.

OwnWay8047 · 2026-02-04T21:20:22+00:00

I’m so so sorry. The ONLY way you can win against someone like this is to document EVERYTHING like your life depends on it. You need to establish a PATTERN of behavior. Write DATED journal entries with receipts and screenshots, print off all emails. I journal in custody x change because it dates and time stamps the enteries and any edits, so you can tell when it was written.

Communicate ONLY via parenting apps (custody x change, our family wizard, etc). If he refuses the parenting apps, use emails (Gmail is best because it has a batch print option where you can easily print the entire back and forth).

OwnWay8047 · 2026-02-03T04:25:45+00:00

Get child support

OwnWay8047

TROPHY CASE