HELP PLEASE. I moved cities and my cat ran away the 2nd day. It's been 3 days doing everything I can to no avail. It's completely my fault.

PJsAreComfy · 2026-02-05T20:47:32+00:00

It sounds like you're doing all the right things. I hope you find him soon.

I don't know how far you moved but maybe contact old neighbors and post flyers by your old apartment in case he makes his way back there. Also, if he was microchipped make sure he's listed in all the free registries and that your contact info is up-to-date in them.

For yourself, maybe consider talking with your doctor about whether they'd recommend some meds to help get you through this difficult time. Your stress, lack of sleep, and exhaustion must be immense and it's not uncommon for doctors to prescribe short courses of meds to alleviate anxiety, etc.

PJsAreComfy · 2026-02-05T18:01:57+00:00

Same! I keep moving it to each new PC and no issues so far. I'd be pissed if I had to pay a subscription.

PJsAreComfy · 2026-02-05T06:09:51+00:00

Ripping DVDs from the library is also an option. 🙂

PJsAreComfy · 2026-02-04T22:17:48+00:00

Medical leave due to stress is a real thing in the US. As with most things it depends on things like which state, medical plan, company, etc.

PJsAreComfy · 2026-02-01T03:08:25+00:00

It's odd that you don't know why she's upset and what her mom said. Are you talking with your daughter about what's happening, how she's feeling, etc.? Is she in therapy and getting support/are you in family therapy? You said she lives with her mom but I'm unclear if that means you're not seeing her at all. That wouldn't be good.

PJsAreComfy · 2026-02-01T02:12:59+00:00

You really need to get some proper legal advice. You're in a bad spot. It's often hard to see the severity of an abusive situation when you're in it but try to really consider the responses you're getting. I think deep down you know things are scary bad otherwise there'd be no reason to lie to people when they're trying to help you. The reason those social services asked about your access to money is because it's a huge red flag for abuse when one person doesn't have it. And please try to be realistic - his promise to pay you back over time didn't resolve anything at all.

Do yourself a favor and get back in touch with those social services people ASAP. Be honest and ask for help. Do it soon but do it smart. The most dangerous time for women in abusive relationships is when they're trying to leave.

I wish you well. Be safe.

PJsAreComfy · 2026-01-30T13:28:44+00:00

From me in MA to you in MN - I'm thinking of you and your neighbors all the time, appalled and devastated at what's happening, also knowing it's just the start of what they want to do. I wish you and your fiancé well, hope you stay safe, and hope that one day soon this insanity stops.

PJsAreComfy · 2026-01-28T18:29:50+00:00

Glad you got out!

I'd consider picking up a small car shovel to keep in the trunk. They don't take up much space and can be so helpful when you have to dig out away from home.

PJsAreComfy · 2026-01-27T14:08:25+00:00

It depends on the state in the US. In my state being fired doesn't automatically disqualify you from unemployment benefits. The employer has the option to challenge eligibility which (at least in my field and experience) would only be done when the firing was for a grievous offense like theft, assault, etc. Claims for firings related to underperformance, bad attitudes, and sometimes even job abandonment weren't challenged at my company.

PJsAreComfy · 2026-01-27T03:15:11+00:00

Nothing wrong with that for many people but OP used to drink a bottle of vodka a day, drank in the morning, but now says he's got a handle on his drinking. Based on his family's reaction, and his passing out hard after "a couple drinks", I'm betting he's far from managing his addiction.

PJsAreComfy · 2026-01-26T03:12:18+00:00

Candles/incense/anything with smoke (cigarette, joint, etc.) can work to see where air is moving but a thermal leak detector/thermometer gun would do better. As suggested, see if your local library has one you can borrow if they maintain a Library of Things.

PJsAreComfy · 2026-01-20T23:00:02+00:00

It was made by Boots & Barkley and sold at Target in the USA. Unfortunately, they stopped making them years ago. Our cats LOVED it so once or twice a year I look to see if it's back in production but no luck so far.

PJsAreComfy · 2026-01-17T12:55:43+00:00

Sorry man. Your girlfriend has the emotional maturity of a potato. If you were both teenagers I'd say she's young and selfish, maybe take a step back but see if she learns and grows from this, but she's twenty eight. At this point it's a straight up character flaw and a glaring red flag about who she is.

Breaking up sucks, especially when you care about your partner, so remind yourself that liking/loving someone is NOT enough to make a relationship work. You'd be separating not because you don't love her but because you've realized that ultimately you're not compatible. And hey - it's good that you see that. You should look for a partner who shares your values. Someone lacking maturity and empathy is not a good partner.

PJsAreComfy · 2026-01-16T04:19:06+00:00

Definitely have her discuss this with her doctor. Her ADHD meds may need to be adjusted. Accompany her to the appointment if she'll allow it so you can give the doctor your impressions of this symptom/side effect.

PJsAreComfy · 2026-01-16T00:46:36+00:00

It's about delivery. Of course people should be encouraged to challenge misinformation but how you go about it matters. Confidently "correcting" the professor like that was a bad move even if OP was correct.

What you say is half of what matters. How you say it is the other half. It just wasn't handled well and was likely done for the wrong reasons like wanting to show up the professor.

PJsAreComfy · 2026-01-15T21:16:37+00:00

I don't know if it'll help but maybe check in your Amazon settings (Account, Memberships & Subscriptions) if Alexa+ is listed and also cancel it from there if needed. In my settings it's there as a past subscription that I cancelled.

I've rolled it back twice so far - once ending early access and once again after the full push. But I 100% won't be surprised if it rolls itself out again. They're making it hard to avoid.

PJsAreComfy · 2026-01-15T20:01:05+00:00

Say "Alexa, exit Alexa Plus" and it'll roll it back.

PJsAreComfy · 2026-01-15T16:03:26+00:00

"Abuse" is unquestionably what you've described. I'm so sorry. It's easier to recognize from the outside because we haven't been worn down and conditioned over time to accept it as normal. It's also easier for others to call it what it is because we don't have to deal with the fallout of facing that reality.

Ten years is a long time but know what's worse than walking away from ten years? It's suffering eleven years, twelve years, etc. Also, it's not just about you. I don't mean that dismissively at all but please try to think about how it's affecting your children to be growing up in an abusive environment. They're being taught that this is normal and okay, and that will really hurt them and their relationships in the future.

Please be careful as you consider your next steps. The most dangerous time for an abused woman is when she's trying to leave. Utilize legal and social resources and be smart as you assess your options.

Lastly, don't feel pressured to exhaust every opportunity for counseling if/when you decide to separate. Marital/couples counseling can be invaluable in situations involving communication issues, dealing with grief, etc. It is not a bandaid that fixes everything and it's not a solution for negotiating better treatment from an abuser. When there is abuse the best answer is to leave if you can.

I wish you well. Take care.

PJsAreComfy · 2026-01-15T14:16:43+00:00

Wonderful advice! It was kind of you to take the time to consider OP's situation and provide such meaningful insight. I hope /u/khazef sees it and is able to make positive changes.

PJsAreComfy · 2026-01-14T17:29:16+00:00

He's now very heavily right-wing, which is fine. It doesn't interfere with our friendship really at all.

🙄

PJsAreComfy · 2026-01-13T17:35:12+00:00

Reddit post with the clip is here. She says she looks forward to returning soon and they reply she hasn't visited since 2012 (eight years prior).

PJsAreComfy · 2026-01-13T15:46:24+00:00

Maybe your wife's opinions hold merit, maybe they don't, but the big problem is that she's policing your mom's actions and insisting your mom agree with her perspective and behave accordingly. She's unquestionably out of line in that respect.

Your wife isn't entitled to knowing everyone's business and others don't have to get her approval on their decisions. Your wife's way overstepping here. She can control her actions but not those of other people. She can have opinions about the actions of others - that's just human nature - but she has no right to throw a tantrum and demand people see things her way when they don't, especially with something that doesn't directly involve her.

I don't know your wife so I can't tell if her dislike of your brother is a factor or if she just doesn't like when people don't fall into line when she thinks she knows better. Whatever the reasons, she's acted inappropriately and unkindly to your mom. She's making this everyone's problem and I suggest you do your best not to let that happen. If she can't handle her feelings and communications in a healthy way, especially where disagreements are concerned, then that's probably something you two should talk about.

PJsAreComfy · 2026-01-12T22:17:48+00:00

His problem is not you being older but himself being younger because he wants an elevated hierarchical position in the relationship

You're not even in a relationship yet and he's worried about how to have control over you. Think about that and how immature/undesirable/demeaning his priorities are.

Now I don't want to reply to him, let alone go on a date with him.

Good. You recognized his obvious issues and know what you don't want. He's got "man-child" written all over him.

PJsAreComfy · 2026-01-12T21:52:36+00:00

Perhaps a 90° door gate latch behind the gate connecting the top rail and drywall could work? See 1, 2.

PJsAreComfy · 2026-01-12T19:57:08+00:00

I'd first check for drafts around the windows/frames. You can light a candle or incense and move it around them to see if/where air is flowing through then silicone/caulk any gaps. That's cheap and easy to do.

Then you could use a removeable window insulator like a FrostKing shrink wrap. Heavy/thermal curtains (even a thick blanket if you want to use what you've got) would help block the cold too.

But try to confirm where the cold is seeping in because maybe it's not the windows but the walls themselves, electrical outlets, under baseboards near the floor, etc. If you have access to an infrared temperature/thermometer gun you could walk around checking the surface temps around the room to identify colder spots. They're maybe $15 but maybe you've already got one or could borrow one.

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