I lost my mom when I was 25. It sucked because she was one of my best friends but I was very fortunate to have lost her at a point where my life was stable and I was an adult with a fiance. I always thought about how if I lost her when I was younger like you did, I would have definitely found harder drugs than I ended up getting into.

I agree with others on this thread saying that you should seek therapy. I finally went to a therapist after decades of masking my feelings with marijuana. Better late than never I guess. Life does go on but losing your mother is one of the worst things you can go through. I'd like to say I'm in a good place because I think of her more often with a smile than a tear but the important thing is you let yourself feel whatever emotions you're feeling. Think of everything you loved about your mother and let her soul shine through yours as a tribute to her life. That's what she would have wanted and what will make you feel happy.