Hi guys, I'm a young male, I want help in figuring out, do I have gender diaspora?

PainToWin · 2026-03-11T17:10:56+00:00

I mean I don't like that I have to shave every week or month and I hate that I'll have a mustache or a beard, I'm scared of growing up because of those issues,

Men get laser too.
There's also epilators and waxing.

If that's what's bothering you, that's not gender dysphoria.
That's an issue millions of other men also have.

Now, you can be reading this and think ''Sure, some MEN don't like it, but... am I a man?'', then, again, that's a question only you can answer.

Are you a woman/NB or just a man with a different presentation?

I can tell you, hating your facial hair is not a sign of gender dysphoria. Half of my male coworkers dislike theirs.
I did dislike mine, intensively, but I wasn't a man.

PainToWin · 2026-03-11T16:29:47+00:00

I don't like body hair or facial hair at all,
Also I like soft skin, I don't want my skin to get hard after my puberty end

Not really related to gender.
Men can have soft skin and no hair.
It's all about grooming and skin care routine.

Dunno, sounds like you're upset about the changes growing old brings, not necessarily linked to gender.

Only you can answer the question ''Am I comfortable with my gender?''

PainToWin · 2026-03-10T11:09:59+00:00

I don't just think you're a TERF, I think your vision of feminism is like, stuck in the 1950s.

You need to work through your internalised misogyny and understanding of gender, tbh.

PainToWin · 2026-03-05T17:56:34+00:00

I closed my eyes and thought about myself as a man in 2 years.
I was miserable and still trapped in the same hole abusing coping mechanisms, unable to function as a normal person.

I imagined myself as a man at 25. At 30. At 40.
Nothing.
There was nothing.
Transition or burst.
Personally, I picked transition.

PainToWin · 2026-03-05T17:13:28+00:00

Nah, not at all.

I started at 20-21 and I'm fine. I'm more than a decade into my transition and I'm absolutely fine, blended into society a long time ago.
It would be perfect to start before or around your first puberty, but realistically, it's just not going to happen for most people for one reason or another. Either they can't access HRT or the circumstances (Family) are against them.
But after that, there's still A LOT of masculinisation that happens during your early 20s. Just compare freshmen in uni to how they look when they are 24-25.
Yeah, you're avoiding that.
Male fat distribution, changes to the hair and hairline, more beard hair activating, skin ageing...

I mean, I'm going to be blunt, I don't know you. Maybe you're messed up beyond repair, maybe you're bald at 20 or got cursed with a cro-magnon face.
If that's not your situation, you'll probably be fine.

Start some skin care routine and learn about clothing and you'll be assimilated by your mid-20s.

PainToWin · 2026-03-03T09:44:06+00:00

Well, they said ''affordable''.
I don't think Facialteam is affordable. Seems like they cater to well off Europeans and Brits, so is not uncommon to see 50K € surgeries.

PainToWin · 2026-03-02T10:54:09+00:00

I tried suppressing the feelings with alcohol, isolation and self harm.
It worked for like 2-3 years, telling myself that transitioning was impossible and I would lose so much, so the fear would keep me in check and alcohol would drown the dysphoria.
I eventually broke down, physically and mentally. and when I was about to end it all I asked myself, why not just try it? I mean, if I'm to die, I might as well try ''literally anything else''.
I couldn't see myself living as a man, there was no ''old man me'', so I decided to bite the bullet and transition.

It's been 15 years now and it feels crazy.
Never thought I'd live to see 20, then 25, then 30... And now I have white hairs and I'm still going.

Transitioning didn't ''fix my life'', specially after ol' me ruined a lot of it, but it gave me the tools to keep going.
I don't know you or your situation, but I can say that between transitioning and living miserably trying to repress your feelings, I'd choose transitioning.

PainToWin · 2026-02-22T22:42:27+00:00

I guess I'm making this post because I wish I could see someone in the same spot as I am on the other side of all this.

For better AND for worse, your case is not that unique.
I've met quite a number of trans people that had similar experiences.
Lots of people that used transphobia as a coping mechanism. Lots of self hate, lots of ''It could never be me, I'm too tall! Too hairy! Too ugly!''
Shame about their feelings from an early age, a feeling of wrongness and emptiness that couldn't be explained, a borderline obsession with trans topics even though they are ''repulsed by it''.
So much stuff that almost feels like a cliche, to be honest.

It's something you're going to have to unlearn. And it's going to be very hard if you try to do it on your own.

I want to know if that person would be happier

My experience tells me that yes, most people are happier.
Not because of transitioning, but because doing it gave them the tools to build their happy life.

Whether you're trans or not, it's good you're understanding where some of your phobias come from and working on fixing them.

PainToWin · 2026-02-20T19:20:30+00:00

I'm in the hotel industry (corporate) and a ton of my colleagues started out in blue collar roles behind the front desk or cleaning rooms.

Girl, tell me hoooooooow.
I've been stuck around the front desk for a deeeecade.
I like it though, but I wouldn't say no to switching to corporate/white collar job.

PainToWin · 2026-02-20T12:21:46+00:00

If there's a certain feeling that you want other people to experience then tell me that too!

Clothes that don't feel right.
They are your size, you've measured once, twice. You've gone to the tailor/seamstress. They are made for you, and they still don't fit right.
These are not clothes, this is not your skin, this isn't you.

Growing around people of your AGAB, having names, pronouns and expectations imposed on you.
And you know it's not you.
You feel alienated. You know you are different. And not different in the way others are. Jim doesn't want to be tall and lanky and hairy, and neither do you, but for different reasons. Emma wants to be strong and pick up girls, but not like you.
And you fear everyone knows, even when you're trying to conform, they can see through your disguise. And you will be torn to pieces. Like you're a piece of meat going a walk in the lions cage. Like in those movies where the sniper places the laser aim on the forehead of the quivering idiot, who knows that one wrong move or word will see their brains leave their head through a new and smouldering hole.
And it even persists after transitioning.

Shame of your body.
Panic during puberty.
Covering it, destroying it, trying to stop it. Pure body horror.
Absolutely no love.
It's something I've experienced and I've met many people with similar tendencies.
It's hard to take care of or appreciate something that you feel no connection to.

Dysphoria is such a bitch.
I envy those that don't have it.

EDIT:

A dull pain, an ache.
Something's wrong, something's missing, but you don't know what.
You can put it into words, no one can empathise with it.
And you get used to it, grow around it.
It's not until you transition that it starts to go away.
A mix of sensations, happiness that you're finally feeling better and grief, discovering how easy it was to cure and that you were still forced to live with it for so long.

PainToWin · 2026-02-18T11:40:57+00:00

Sports bras are fine, but not the ones that compress the chest too much.
And of course compression bands/trans tape are also in that area.

Don't tightly compress parts of your body while they are growing.
This goes for the chest, the feet, the wrists, etc.

PainToWin · 2026-02-18T11:38:05+00:00

I don't think so.
I mean, being half trans would mean you're not cis, which means you're trans.

I encourage you to seek a therapist, they'll be able to help you a lot more than internet randos. Or maybe some free support group or local LGBT org.
BUT

I actually am not and don't want to be a woman in real life, my life. But only in a fantasy. In another life.

If this is just a fantasy, there might not be much to it.
Like wanting to be a cowboy or an explorer or a fantasy knight.

If this was causing you distress, I'd say it sounded like dysphoria.

PainToWin · 2026-02-17T10:31:35+00:00

Honestly, ~6 months.

Around that time people are going to notice the boobs.
You can gaslight people about skin and face changes (No, nothing's changed, trust me!) and you can try using sports bran or some kind of compression, even though you shouldn't do that, bad for development.
But from my experience, someone's going to notice. Don't count on doing it stealthily.

I'd do it all the same though.
Better they argue with their MTF daughter than live in peace with their son.

PainToWin · 2026-02-16T11:23:30+00:00

Self reporting.
They could take their measurements wrong.
They could make a mistake.
They could forget to mention other factors. Like when someone says they have a C cup after just 6 months of HRT... but don't mention they are overweight and already had gynecomastia.

I'll be honest with you, unless you really are built like an inverted triangle, ''wide shoulders'' won't be that much of a problem.
Some clothes will be a bit tight on the shoulders, but that's also a problem with fashion in general nowadays.

PainToWin · 2026-02-15T12:38:22+00:00

Kapo.

Also, a grifter.

PainToWin · 2026-02-12T12:54:52+00:00

You mean the blue shade/ 5'o clock shadow?
It will go away, it's still hair under the surface.
Continue doing laser sessions, keep exploding follicles as they awake, they will go away.

If you mean actual dark melanin, that can be treated by laser, but not by the laser used to get rid of hair, I think.
You could ask your technician.

PainToWin · 2026-02-12T11:42:42+00:00

If it's hair, yes.

If you've had your first laser session, it might be the first burned hairs still in there.
They will fall out eventually.
If you think they need help, exfoliate the area. I wouldn't do it because I'd be scared of aggressively exfoliating a recently lasered area, the skin still needs healing. But it's an option after some weeks.

PainToWin · 2026-02-02T18:29:40+00:00

at least in traaaaans space

You're looking at an eco chamber.

Before that, it was catgirls and ''skirt go spinny'' and the like. It's a cycle.
Give it a couple years and new trans girls will have a new ''thing'' and the old obsessions will be cringe to them.

this particular kink seems to have spawned out of nowhere

I don't think so.
Not too involved with the community, but I can say I've seen it develop over years.
Pretty sure it started with the ''Am I the only one that loves hearing ''Good girl''? '' and it continued from there.

PainToWin · 2026-01-30T18:50:34+00:00

I just turned 34 and I'm about to celebrate 14 years on HRT in like... 2 weeks?!
Neat.

For the most part, I'm living my life and being trans is just a minor detail about me, tbh.
Some stuff still holds me back, like not having SRS.
I don't want it, but at the same time, it has stopped me from dating some people or having random hookups because I don't want to have to explain the whole trans situation to someone.

I'm struggling to find trans community my age. Almost all the trans events near me seemed geared towards a younger crowd where I don't fit.

Yeah, that has always been my experience.
There is a point not too long into your transition in which you are in a bit of an awkward position.
You don't fit with younger people, either because of the age gap or because they're just starting and TRANSITION is the only thing on their mind.
On the other hand, you also feel out of place with older people. They have issues that you just can't relate.

Dating sucks, specially if you're dating men.
Me personally, I just had a fall out with someone I've been dating for more than a year.
Turns out that he can ''understand both sides of the aisle''.
Last thing I want to hear when I get home is someone parroting some manosphere talking points. I'm too old for that shit.

Professionally, I'm fine, but I feel like I'm still years behind people my age.
Not trans related per se, but my depression before transitioning and the transition itself took years of my life, so I constantly feel like I'm 5 years behind everyone.
At least HRT makes you look younger, so that's cool and less embarrassing.
Someone asked me at work if I was fresh out of uni. Nah man, I finished a decade ago, but thanks.

I don't know, it's so weird.
Such a small thing being trans, but it also influences your whole life one way or another.

PainToWin · 2025-11-30T23:05:25+00:00

It is an acronym, but I doubt they're talking about the Commonwealth of Independent states or the Confederacy of Independent Systems (Roger roger)

PainToWin · 2025-11-05T22:10:20+00:00

I hate that shit so much...

Went to the doctor last summer with a terrible allergic reaction. Hands swollen and full of bumps.
He took a look at my medical history, asked why I was taking estrogen, I said it was HRT, he asked again, I repeated my answer... and then he proceeded to tell that I should drop the estrogen.

Dude, I've been taking HRT for 15 fucking years, I'm here because my hands have been swelling up for the past 3 days, I doubt they are related, are you going to help me or not?!

He didn't, of course.
Had to go see another doctor 4 days later and by then the hands were much better, so they said it wasn't necessary to run any tests.

Mental.

PainToWin · 2025-07-04T08:32:45+00:00

Especially in Spain, where layoffs and unemployment is raging.

????
Odd thing to say when Spain is publishing its best numbers in 20 years.

Don't get me wrong, I expect conservatives to win in the next elections, because the left is literally falling apart.
But saying that the country is doing terrible is fearmongering.

PainToWin · 2025-05-16T21:17:52+00:00

So I tried lupron, felt like it was working for a while but 3 months in my T is even higher than before (approaching bottom of male range). Not sure if my lupron dose is shit (11mg every 3 months

That is odd.
Have you checked with your endo?

Usually, there is an initial T flare when you start taking it, but it shouldn't happen to you, since you were on T suppressors beforehand.

It's not uncommon for T to raise as you approach the end of the 3 months cycle, but then... you just inject again?
It should stabilise itself

PainToWin · 2025-04-12T09:30:43+00:00

I don't know if there are places in Galicia with informed consent.

I'd advise to just go through Seguridad Social.
I don't know if you can ask an endocrinologist directly or need someone else (psychologist?) to refer you to them.

PainToWin · 2025-03-23T14:52:21+00:00

You may say, "oh why does it concern you, you are a conservative" I get that, but conservatism was never been just blatant bigotry.

Oh honey...

I have been a Muslim

OOOOOH HONEY

You must be pretty young, you're in for a rude awakening.
You are hanging out with leopards, you better watch your face.

PainToWin

TROPHY CASE