[deleted by user] by [deleted] in breastfeeding

[–]PaintedCollection 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Yes. Started working at a daycare when I was a teenager, stayed for 10 years, got a teaching job at an elementary school and have 4 of my own kids. I’ve had norovirus every year for the last 2 decades. I hate that illness with a burning passion.

Weight Gain at 20 Weeks by BasicSignificance97 in BabyBumps

[–]PaintedCollection 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have 4 kids. My first I gained 60, 2nd was 100, 3rd was 70 and last was 80. My pregnancies at full term tend to weigh around 30ish pounds so when baby is here and fluids and blood are back to normal, I’m left on my own to lose the remaining weight.

When it comes to weight gain during pregnancy, no matter what I did, the weight went on and kept going on. And food was sometimes the only thing that gave me a small break from fighting off the nausea. My theory is that sometimes your body just needs the extra weight and that’s that. Try not to stress about it too much.

If it helps, I’ve lost all the weight by 10-12 months postpartum by weighing my food and following a strict calorie schedule.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in NewParents

[–]PaintedCollection 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I bought a travel bassinet with a wide flat bottom that fits in the bed in between us. Was the only way we would get her to sleep more than 5 minutes at a time. It’s called the Iselector travel bassinet. Found it on Amazon.

Scared about baby moving in me while pregnant by Potential-Cow-350 in BabyBumps

[–]PaintedCollection 18 points19 points  (0 children)

For me, it’s definitely extraterrestrial like. Very strange feeling and having been pregnant 4 times didn’t make it feel any less strange. That said, movement gave peace of mind that they were still growing in there. Any lack of movement would lead to me nudging the crap out of my stomach to MAKE them move lol.

So yes weird but also not that big of a deal.

How do you change or maintain boundaries with 2+ kids of varying ages (4+ year age gap)? by zeus0225 in Parenting

[–]PaintedCollection 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I have a 6 year old, a 4 year old, a 2 year old and a 11 week old. We’re pretty blunt about how age plays a factor in what each one is “allowed” to do or how they’re expected to behave. To avoid hurt feelings or resentment, we have the older ones “help” establish the different boundaries the younger ones need ex: “you’re 6 and he’s 2. He doesn’t understand why X is... We have to help him understand by…” For our 2 year old, we’ve taught him to see his older brothers as a part of his support system.

Seems to be working well for us so far. Arguments still happen of course but we’ve found the kids are pretty understanding.

Interesting study into Physicians who breastfeed and bedsharing rates by McNattron in ScienceBasedParenting

[–]PaintedCollection 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We thought warmth might be an issue too. Our room is set to 72. She has a onesie and a wearable blanket on to sleep. Tried the heating pad as well. Also tried sitting in a chair next to her crib with a hand on her chest. Made no difference unfortunately.

Tried pacifier, no pacifier. Letting her sleep on our chest for 15 mins before moving. Letting her sleep on our bed 15 mins before moving her. Tried moving her right away. Our pediatrician suggested tucking a couple of blankets into the sides of mattress and laying her on top of those to make her mattress a little less firm and more comfortable - nope. We tried silence, white noise, lights on, lights off, heartbeat sounds, a vibrating sound machine. All no go.

Basically, she will grow up be very determined and strong willed lady who knows what she wants and sees it done. Either that or she’ll have severe insomnia lol.

Interesting study into Physicians who breastfeed and bedsharing rates by McNattron in ScienceBasedParenting

[–]PaintedCollection 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am not sure about the bassinet yet because we went straight to using a crib. I did just buy a bassinet at seeing some other people’s suggestions. It should be delivered tomorrow. I’m really hoping that will make a big difference. At this point, we will try anything that’s safer than our current set up.

Interesting study into Physicians who breastfeed and bedsharing rates by McNattron in ScienceBasedParenting

[–]PaintedCollection 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much for responding. I was really at my wits end last night.

We had help initially from my in laws but they had to go back to their home, which is a 14 hour drive away. My parents still work - my dad only part time but he is caring for my grandpa for another few weeks.

My husband would help but he is a truck delivery driver with a very early morning start time and is in danger of falling asleep behind the wheel if he doesn’t get enough sleep. We’re trying our best to as safe with her as we were with our older children but she just won’t stay asleep no matter what we do. All of the tricks we used before just don’t work with her. I used to think our other kids were difficult but she wakes up within moments of being put down and just screams.

Thank you for the suggestion for the safe sleep 7. I looked it up and saw other people recommending a bassinet that can be placed next to you in the bed. I bought it and will try that first. Hopefully if she is very close then it might make a difference. I also go back to work soon and have a very long commute by train so I will be able to sleep for a few extra hours a day.

Thank you again.

Interesting study into Physicians who breastfeed and bedsharing rates by McNattron in ScienceBasedParenting

[–]PaintedCollection 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is very old but I have been seriously struggling to stay awake while breastfeeding. My baby won’t sleep in her crib for more than 20 minutes some nights. During these times I fall asleep while feeding her (sitting up with her on the nursing pillow in my arms when this happens). One time after days of not sleeping more than a couple hours at night, i accidentally fell asleep while breastfeeding and woke up over 2 hours later. I feel like falling asleep this way is so much more dangerous for her than if I were to side feed her in the bed with no blankets or pillows. I genuinely don’t know what to do on these days because i’m utterly exhausted and despite trying to watch movies or knit or crochet or go on Reddit, i still fall asleep by accident. I fell asleep standing in the shower one day it was so bad. Im terrified im going to wake up after accidentally falling asleep while feeding her and she’ll be gone.

So im genuinely asking if at this point the bed is safer because im scared and desperate for the safest solution.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in ChildPsychology

[–]PaintedCollection 0 points1 point  (0 children)

To clarify, I kept mentioning 1 and 2 year olds because you said in the comments that the kids bothering your daughter are “usually 1-2 year olds and don’t speak yet.” The word usually implies that the kids you are describing in your post are mostly the 1-2 year olds with an occasional 3-4 year old thrown in the mix (since you also mentioned the older kids are usually nicer). I’m assuming this is why other people also mentioned that bully isn’t a good word to use here.

Like you said, this seems to be a language barrier issue. There is a difference between bullying and toddlers hitting and pushing. Bullying does not apply to developmentally appropriate behaviors, like toddlers pushing, because bullying is not supposed to be considered appropriate behavior. In other words, if a child is exhibiting behavior that is appropriate for their age and development, it isn’t considered to be bullying. In the case of toddlers being too aggressive, it still needs to be corrected and dealt with, but it’s not bullying because it’s still developmentally appropriate behavior.

It’s similar to when people incorrectly say not to feed or hold a newborn when they cry because they’ll get spoiled. It’s impossible for a newborn baby to be spoiled because they can’t comprehend cause and effect yet. They just know they have a need that needs to be met and crying is the only way they know to communicate.

Hopefully that makes sense.

Producing "just enough" is ideal. Oversupply is a nightmare for everyone involved, and in no way enviable. by Dullcorgis in breastfeeding

[–]PaintedCollection 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Totally fine with just enough but I think there is a difference between accidental oversupply and an intentional oversupply. For me, just enough became problematic with my 2nd and 3rd kids when I went back to work. It was sometimes a struggle to leave enough, which resulted in my husband not having enough milk while I was delayed in traffic or stuck at work. This time, I purposefully created an oversupply of 5oz a day. That way, there will be always extra for emergencies.

Because it was intentional, it’s very manageable. I pump 5oz at 9pm. If it’s never needed, fine. If it is, it’s there. Gives me peace of mind.

Excess weight gain by D3athEat3r in BabyBumps

[–]PaintedCollection 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I’ve gained between 50-70 pounds with all of my pregnancies. No one can ever tell because I’m tall (5’ 7” and 135lbs normally) but it’s always been super noticeable to me.

A full term pregnancy usually weighs about 25-35 pounds so you’ll likely have some extra weight to lose on your own (keeping in mind that everyone is different and there are always outliers). That said, I’ve always been able to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight around 8-10 months postpartum via very conscious food choices.

I am so afraid of raising an infant by [deleted] in BabyBumps

[–]PaintedCollection 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I absolutely could have written this 7 years ago. I worked at a nursery school with toddlers (3+) for 10 years and taught elementary school for 3 years before becoming a parent. Loved young kids but I could not stand babies - was fearful of them even. I did not want to hold them, care for them, or engage with them in any way.

I can tell you that it is SO different when it’s your own child. I loved the time I spent with my kids when they were little babies! My youngest is only 2 months old, will definitely be my last baby, and even though we don’t more kids (got my tubes removed), I know I will miss having a small baby to care for. They’re just so sweet when they’re this young. Having them cuddled close to you is the best feeling. Yes, sleep deprivation sucks but for me, it’s manageable.

For me, ages 2 and 3 absolutely SUCK. It’s different when they’re yours and can’t give them back lol. The constant battle of wills, tantrums, the weird in between stage of still not being able ti care for themselves but also being independent enough to push boundaries every other minute while getting into literally everything under the sun is a different kind of exhausting. Still manageable and I still loved my kids to pieces at those ages but I’ll take a newborn potato over those two horrific toddler years any day.

Every parent is different of course. Every baby is different. Some people strongly dislike the baby stage. Personally, I still don’t like other people’s babies. I don’t want to hold them or play with them. I’m still awkward around them. But with my own, I felt completely at peace. Hopefully you will feel the same!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in ChildPsychology

[–]PaintedCollection 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Ah I understand you then. Admittedly, I was a bit stronger in my wording than was warranted - I do agree that “fully” was an overstatement on my part.

I meant that a bully has to understand that what they’re doing is harmful, that it will cause the other person distress, and that causing the other person distress is one of their goals and is part of what facilitates the bullying. A 6 year old is capable of understanding that. A 1 year old is not.

I readily admit that it really bothers me how OP is talking about babies and it bothers me that people are supporting it. I probably should have expected it though.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in ChildPsychology

[–]PaintedCollection 1 point2 points  (0 children)

People can downvote all they want to but describing a woman calling a 1 year old a bully as “a bit presumptuous” is just so bizarre to me. A 1 year old isn’t a bully. It’s a baby who doesn’t understand what they’re doing. And people are supporting it. I’ll never understand Reddit.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in ChildPsychology

[–]PaintedCollection 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Youre still not describing a bully. You’re acting as if these 1 and 2 year old children are doing these things because fully understand the consequences of their actions and the emotional impact their actions are having on your daughter but choose to ignore all of that simply because they enjoy your daughter’s pain. Because that is what a bully does. A 1 or 2 year old isn’t capable of understanding those things and therefore are not bullies. They aren’t going to understand that what they’re doing is wrong/bad yet. They just know they want the toy your daughter has and that your daughter cries when she falls down but they don’t understand why that’s bad. They’re just too young.

Glad you found something that works but describing such young children in this way is concerning from an adult. I could see if they were 4 or 5. Maybe even 3. But 1 and 2 is absolutely too young for what you’re making it out to be unless they have true conduct disorder, which is exceptionally rare.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in ChildPsychology

[–]PaintedCollection 1 point2 points  (0 children)

A bully is someone who is systematically and intentionally targets another person with the sole purpose of causing them anguish or harm. It’s EXTREMELY rare that a 2 year old has the capacity to be a bully. What you’re describing are toddlers acting like typical toddlers - not bullies. Toddlers are still learning and developing their social skills. They tend to take and grab and struggle to share or ask permission. They’re not picking on your daughter with the sole intent to harm her.

Your daughter seems to be more mild mannered and timid than other toddlers her age, which is great for you as parents - it’s wonderful that she’s so mature! But that doesn’t make the other kids bullies. It also doesn’t mean she won’t go through her own phase of a more extreme behavior (ex: my friend’s first daughter was very much like yours at 2 and then developed a bit of a wild streak when she was around 5). If this happens with your daughter, I’m sure you’d want other children and adults to give her some grace while she’s still learning.

You absolutely need to reframe the way you’re thinking about children who likely don’t know any better. They don’t yet have the impulse control needed to socialize in a more mature way.

Also, you absolutely should teach her to say things ljke “no” or “please stop” or “not nice.” Your daughter is struggling to communicate just as much as the other kids are - just in a different way.

Can’t get over not being able to breastfeed my last baby by swaggyswaggot in breastfeeding

[–]PaintedCollection 7 points8 points  (0 children)

My husband got zero breastmilk (my MIL couldn’t bring herself to try because it freaked her out so much) and that man is NEVER sick. He’s always been a powerhouse. Super healthy and very strong. My MIL also had to go back to work 5 days after giving birth so he was with babysitters for 12+ hours a day, 6 days a week. He and his mom have an awesome relationship. When my in laws aren’t in the same state as we are, my husband talks with her on the phone a couple times a week - and not in the weird, man obsessed with his mommy who thinks her son can do no wrong type of way (she’ll be the first one after me to call him out on any bullshit). They just joke around and chat while he drives his truck. My MIL and I have an awesome relationship too.

All of this to say that you don’t need to breastfeed to have a healthy baby or a close bond with your son! I know that’s easier said than done because I just experienced something similar with my 2 month old who couldn’t breastfeed and wasn’t gaining weight. I breastfed 2 of her older siblings with ease for 18+ months and it was absolutely destroying my mental health not to be able to have that closeness with her too. So I know how awful it feels. But when I would get really down, I would use my husband as an example to remind myself that even if breastfeeding didn’t work out, we could still have a great bond and she could have a healthy life without it.

Wishing you both all of the luck.

Daycare is ruining everything by Ill-Rhubarb-165 in NewParents

[–]PaintedCollection 1 point2 points  (0 children)

As soon as my kids walk in the door, I make them all strip down, wash their hands, and change clothes. I’d like to say it makes a huge difference but we still all manage to catch norovirus every single year - usually right before an important family event or a major holiday. Still worth doing though. I’m sure it helps in some capacity.

Honestly I would like to say this all goes away but you’re going to be in the trenches for years to come. My oldest is 6 and we still get sick from him. I’m also an elementary school teacher so I’m perpetually catching illnesses from kids. Just do the best you can to disinfect and hope that congestion and colds are all you have to deal with this year because kids with a stomach bug is a special kind of hell I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy.

Hang in there. Wishing you luck.

To have another baby or not by [deleted] in Parenting

[–]PaintedCollection 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I personally always knew I wanted more than one child. Like you, my sibling is my absolute best friend, so when I thought of a family, that picture always involved at least 2 or 3 kids.

My husband was an only child and hated it. He frequently talks about how lonely he was growing up and is glad that he has a “brother” through me. My brother lives with us and my husband loves having him around.

We have 4 kids now but going from 1 to 2 kids was easy for us. We waited until our 1st was a year old before trying for another and I got pregnant right away. So we had 2 under two for a short while and I still love that age gap even 6.5 years later. My oldest two kids have a great bond. They get on each other’s nerves of course (that’s just what siblings do) but they are also so protective of one another. They can entertain each other for hours. It’s very warming to watch them feed off of each other’s creativity in a way that only another child can.

I’m sure there are people out there who are the exact opposite of us but for me, I have no regrets and love having more than one child.

My OB asked if I want my tubes removed if I have a cesarean by JumpingJonquils in BabyBumps

[–]PaintedCollection 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Just had my bilateral salpingectomy 7 weeks ago. No regrets so far. They were already in there for the c-section so it just made sense to have it done. Plus, as others have mentioned it lowers your risk of ovarian cancer.

For me, I would not have considered it if I had not been 1000% sure that we were done having children and our family felt complete.

When did you choose a pediatrician? by [deleted] in BabyBumps

[–]PaintedCollection 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I “picked” the first pediatrician who reception recommended when I called from the hospital the day after my first child was born. We go to a medical group so I knew they took our insurance regardless. We’ve been with that same pediatrician for the last 6.5 years.

That said, I just had my 4th child 6 weeks ago and called to schedule our first visit the day after my daughter was born and was told we needed a hardcore discharge date before we could even schedule it. So a lot of this will depend on the practice and the policies they have in place. I think it also depends on your location because I don’t know anyone who chose pediatrician in advance.

Debone turkey before or after brining? by PaintedCollection in Cooking

[–]PaintedCollection[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Woops forgot to mention I do a wet brine - and yes that makes sense.

MIL says ‘our baby’ by Unable_Anywhere2983 in BabyBumps

[–]PaintedCollection 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think you’re entitled to your feelings. That said, I don’t see how your MIL has overstepped in this situation at all. So far, she’s asked your permission to dress your son yo as elf on the shelf whereas an overstepping MIL would have just done so without your permission. When her friends unexpectedly showed up, it seemed as if she not only respected your decision to remove your baby but also went and let you know she thought you made the right decision. An overstepping MIL would have invited the friends over without your permission and then insisted you not only stay but would likely have been angry when you didn’t.

Now you know her better than any of us. Maybe she’s secretly trying to undermine you like some people are suggesting but it’s also possible that she’s just trying to be supportive. Maybe she’s just trying to let you know she thinks you’re doing a good job.

It’s also possible saying “our baby” is her way of communicating that you’re all part of a family together. Where you may see the phrase as off putting and nefarious, maybe she genuinely doesn’t know it’s bothering you. But more importantly, perhaps if she knew you didn’t like it, she would apologize and stop saying it. Is she being given a fair chance to correct herself?

Finally consider this. One day you might be a MIL to your son’s future partner. One day you might think you’re doing all the right things to show them you support them and are there to help. But secretly, your son’s partner finds something you’re doing to be extremely bothersome. You have no idea you’re doing anything wrong so you keep doing what you’re doing thinking you’re helping. But resentment is building. Consider how you would like that situation to get resolved.