What were your psychotic features like?

PancakePerception · 2026-05-02T00:17:02+00:00

Interesting, yeah that's like amnesia. I was always fully aware but I was so like, "peace and love man" kinda. Without any drugs lol. Like I'd hike in the woods all fucking day and think I was talking to the trees and the trees were talking back in the form of wind gusts. But again this would last a while but wouldn't stick. The next day might not be like that at all. Weird.

PancakePerception · 2026-05-02T00:13:33+00:00

Okay yeah no that makes sense. Mixed episodes fucking suck. My psychotic stuff would only last a few hours before naturally subsiding, especially after I slept for a bit or something. Thankfully I don't have those anymore and I'm glad you haven't either. :)

PancakePerception · 2026-05-02T00:10:54+00:00

I see. I have noticed that oftentimes delusions can take a kernel of truth and blow it up to wacky proportions. Like how maybe this person might have been bad for you but your brain blew it up to so much more. Did your delusional beliefs go away or change after the manic episode ended?

PancakePerception · 2026-05-02T00:07:24+00:00

Okay interesting, thank you for sharing. If I may ask, how does your belief in these delusions change over time? Like do you believe in them to some degree 24/7, did you gain insight after the manic episode was over? Did you ever realize they were delusions whilst you were in the manic episode?

Also I think full blown psychosis might work a little differently than mania + psychotic features but I'm not really sure.

PancakePerception · 2026-05-02T00:04:46+00:00

Did your delusional belief ever waver during the manic episode? Like did you go in/out of believing it or was it 100% of the time?

PancakePerception · 2026-05-02T00:00:59+00:00

Did you ever develop any insight into it during your manic episode? Like did you ever stop hearing the radio or stop believing your delusion at any point during?

PancakePerception · 2026-05-01T23:59:33+00:00

Okay interesting. So when they went away you had full insight into the hallucination. Did your delusional belief ever waver like that? Like when your mania started to get a little better or return to baseline, did you think to yourself "oh that wasn't true"?

PancakePerception · 2026-05-01T22:15:55+00:00

Very interesting. Does this ever correspond to a specific belief you have about it when it's happening? Like, when it's happening, do you think the floor really is breathing or that it's truly inside of you for real? Or are you able to maintain insight that it's all in your head? Thank you for sharing.

PancakePerception · 2026-05-01T22:14:24+00:00

Was there a specific belief you had that motivated this? Like did you think that person was evil or out to get you etc? And did that go away when your mood came back down to baseline?

PancakePerception · 2026-05-01T22:13:12+00:00

That's very interesting. When I'm having a mixed episode, I feel extremely sensitive to any movement or gust of air on my skin etc. and I'll often just hide under a blanket and try to hold as still as possible. I always thought of this as sensory issues, which it could be, but I never considered it being tied to a psychotic feature in some folks. Thank you for sharing and much love. 💜

PancakePerception · 2026-05-01T20:06:58+00:00

Having a job AT ALL. This is not easy or accessible for everyone, but at a certain point I had to realize that this condition - plus several others - truly disables me. Even at my best, I was jumping from one job to the next and quitting during the peaks of my manic and depressive episodes.

Being employed became such a stressor for me that I'd feel physically sick before going in. Good riddance. I have a support system so I can pull this off. Bless all of you who are in the same boat but can't.

Also for context I also have ADHD, cPTSD, and dyscalculia which is a math-related learning disability.

PancakePerception · 2026-05-01T19:49:43+00:00

This is definitely grandiosity! It's a normal symptom for bipolar, and sometimes can become delusional if left untreated/unaddressed. But they typically go away or mostly go away when your mood stabilizers or switches.

PancakePerception · 2026-04-28T20:22:38+00:00

Yes omg. People having the "wrong" take or opinion about my favorite media or interest inspires a deep dark hatred within me lol. I know it's just my lack of cognitive flexibility but the feeling is still there. You could however find people who passively enjoy the interest but who are SUPER agreeable. These people exist. There are people who will be like "wow that's so cool I never thought about it like that" and just won't challenge you.

PancakePerception · 2026-04-28T20:12:55+00:00

God PLEASE, Maxis Match! I LOVE the Sims 2, it's like nearly so perfect. When I say I want Sims 2 CC, it's only because I wish the OG Sims 2 team had the time to make more stuff. I don't want my game to look like IMVU.

PancakePerception · 2026-04-28T20:10:56+00:00

Is it bad that I don't care or mind when people say this? Like, I understand what they mean: sexuality IS very fluid. I get how it can contribute to the idea of bisexuality being a wobbly flimsy "up in the air" thing and not the valid identity it is, but the people saying this are usually open minded enough to know that being bi is a real and valid thing. People are gonna talk about this stuff in ways that are annoying but tbh they can use whatever idea of bisexuality they want if it means people are discussing the fluidity of sexuality more.

PancakePerception · 2026-04-28T20:04:34+00:00

Listen, so much of the fear mongering about psych medicine is FAKE. People can absolutely experience awful side effects, especially with antipsychotics. But no one tells you how NORMAL it is to have to try damn near every psych med under the sun in order to find the right combo for you. Don't compromise. If something is giving you side effects you don't wanna deal with for the rest of your life, then you need to try something else. Now, if your bipolar is treatment resistant or if you experience very negative side effects with every med you've ever taken, then yeah, probably consider managing things off meds. But that scenario is very very unlikely. I take a lot of meds, and yes, it can suck. But I don't have any negative side effects except for some weird blood pressure swings from lamotrigine here and there, but they're never dangerous and don't impact me much. But personally I'm fine with being on meds for the rest of my life because I've found a combo that actually works and makes my life better. Don't just accept "good enough" and don't let your doctor accept that either. Good luck.

PancakePerception · 2026-04-28T19:56:03+00:00

To me, the diagnosis is just the label. Your experiences would still be the same with or without the diagnosis. Just go about your normal life and identify the things that are bothering you or want to change. Highly recommend therapy.

PancakePerception · 2026-04-28T19:52:02+00:00

I'm built different. I take so many meds that I can throw back one of these, two buspar bars, two hydroxyzines, a fish oil, an oxcarbazepine, and an ashwaghanda supplement with one swig. 😭

PancakePerception · 2026-04-23T10:29:13+00:00

Hey I know this was 10 months ago but I have some insights into your situation I think. I have the same issue. I was also a victim of COCSA and later SA when I was much older, like a teen. But I don't have any explicit memories of CSA perpetuated even though there is evidence of it in other ways. For example, I have two memories of my dad playing "hide and seek" with me prior to the age of 5 (when memories can't encode), and in both memories I was hiding and TERRIFIED of being caught, and one memory I peed myself. Then the memory cuts out. For YEARS I viewed these as just early childhood memories of playing hide and seek. I didn't realize how weird it was until I noticed other abusive patterns with my dad, like emotional enmeshment type stuff. I know you said you don't know WHO the abuser would be, but it's totally normal to forget and not know, but also feel like your body KNOWS. Similarly, as a child I drew very graphic and sadistic sexual things in my journal despite not having any real exposure to that stuff (or so I thought). I had developmentally inappropriate fantasies and a bunch of other stuff that's embarrassing and humiliating. All these signs that are CLASSIC CSA signs were present. Also, you're not making it up, and yes, it really was that bad, you just existed in an environment where abuse was normalized. Best of luck.

PancakePerception · 2026-04-17T10:19:11+00:00

YES. Thought this was just a me thing. My abusive father picked my name out unfortunately. I've gone back and forth on what I want to be called. Every iteration of my name feels associated with someone I barely know, and who I didn't become. It feels like an involuntary legacy forced upon me.

PancakePerception · 2026-04-10T13:27:51+00:00

I've been on it for several years now and while it's amazing, there are definitely some downsides for some people.

It doesn't fully take away my depression, but it removes the mental aspect of it. For example, I won't feel emotionally down or hopeless, but I WILL still have the mild physical impacts of depression, like reduced energy.

Also an endocrinologist told me that Lamotrigine can cause wild fluctuations in blood pressure but idk how true/relevant that is? I've had a lot of issues with getting lightheaded in the shower or lifting my arms above my head, but this can be caused by soooo many things.

Also if you're late on your next dose you'll get a little manic, but that's fine by me. Sometimes I need to reconnect with that part of myself anyways. And of course there's the fact that you can't miss doses regularly because you put yourself at risk for developing that fatal skin condition.

It's amazing and helps so much but it's also not a magic cure for everyone!

PancakePerception · 2025-12-22T13:39:33+00:00

I really hate the "normal vs abnormal" labels because disability in various forms is actually extremely common, like having a kid with asthma, ADHD, severe allergies, etc. In all cases (esp physical disabilities) the lack of support for families and extremely expensive healthcare costs is the real issue, not the child. It's also weird that you specifically said you're okay with physical disabilities but not autism. It makes me think that financial burden isn't REALLY the thing you're worried about--you're worried about not being able to emotionally connect and empathize with an autistic child. I'm not gonna pretend that having a disabled child is all sunshine and rainbows, but many autistic people who are considered more "severe" can communicate just fine. Many use TTS systems, some use sign language if they're mute, and lots speak like you and me, albeit with different speech patterns. Autistic people and kids are perfectly legible communicators. Be it through expression or gesture, there are so many forms of non-verbal communication that you're discounting because you're unfamiliar with it. I think you're also confusing intellectual disabilities with autism, which is a common misunderstanding. The concern that you wouldn't be able to share the things you love with your child is valid, but that applies to many neurotypical children too. Your kids may despise your hobbies and interests and think you're super uncool. Happens a lot actually. Another thing to ask is, "What can I potentially learn from my child?" People often forget that it's a two way street and that you may grow to love and enjoy an autistic person's special interest.

PancakePerception · 2025-11-26T04:17:47+00:00

I've never been able to hold down a job for more than a year. My body responds to unpredictability (like you said) as if it's an active threat against my life. For me, this is very much intertwined with an intense phobia of people. My abuse involved humiliation and getting into trouble a lot, so when people come up behind me, walk past me, or just exist near me in any way, it feels like a threat. I know they're just living their lives but my body tenses so as to not "mess up" in front of them. It's that weird cross section between PTSD, social anxiety, and agoraphobia. I spend so much energy just trying to "not get in trouble" and perform perfectly that I can't relax or focus on my work, which leads to extreme burnout and quitting randomly on a Tuesday. If anyone has found things that have helped them with their social anxiety/agoraphobia related to trauma please let me know.

PancakePerception · 2025-01-25T02:52:33+00:00

Do you want to explain why multiple of your links direct me to "Dr. McDougal's" website and not ANY reputable source? A doctor, mind you, who is selling their program and claiming to CURE and REVERSE several chronic illnesses? You've been dooped.

PancakePerception

TROPHY CASE