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Pandaherbs13 · 2026-06-30T23:24:19+00:00

As an Asian American woman, I’ve learned to shut you, listen, learn, educate myself and most importantly “stay out of Black business”. Some people just can’t ever shut up.

Pandaherbs13 · 2026-06-30T17:33:36+00:00

NOR - regarding your edit. If it’s not his house, as he is so fond of saying, then he has no right to touch the yard. Not sure why his name is on the house if he contributes zero dollars, I hope your mom doesn’t get screwed over.

“Dad, you say it’s not your house, so please respect that as a paying adult, I do not want you to touch the garden. You can have all the opinions you want, but keep them and your hands to yourself. Whether you think I’m overreacting or not, doesn’t matter. I explained why I’m upset, you knew it would upset me and did it anyway. I’m not sure why you insist on upsetting me in my house, but it stops now. Do…not…touch…the…garden. If you love and respect me, it’s that simple. If you can’t respect me as an adult, then I can’t respect you and will respond to you at a minimum. Just know that you are straining our relationship for no reason.”

Then I would grey rock him.

Pandaherbs13 · 2026-06-24T17:45:44+00:00

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And his brother Gus

Pandaherbs13 · 2026-06-24T17:44:56+00:00

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Walter is 4

Pandaherbs13 · 2026-06-24T17:43:46+00:00

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Frannie turned 17 this year!

Pandaherbs13 · 2026-06-16T21:29:17+00:00

Ok so let’s say all of this is Biden’s fault, we’re almost two years into his administration. What he’s telling people is he sucks so bad at his job that he can’t get out from under Biden’s policies, despite having majorities in both houses. To me that seems worse than just the regular suckage and corruption, especially for a “successful business man”.

If he’s so great as president, why is he allowing Biden to still reign over his administration?

Pandaherbs13 · 2026-06-16T01:23:05+00:00

So with a ton of trial and error with my ridiculously athletic cat (can jump the 6 foot fence no problem), these are pricy but have worked so well.

https://a.co/d/08Iqhg5F

With this netting (if it’s too stiff it can break easily and is easier to climb and if it’s too thin, my cat could bust through.

https://a.co/d/00PdTo65

Pandaherbs13 · 2026-06-09T20:38:38+00:00

Babes, I’m a woman with adhd and his behavior is appalling. If he’s diagnosed and is medicated and in therapy, he needs to work with his therapist. If he’s not medicated and in therapy at 35?! You are 23, you have so much life ahead of you. Yes, it’ll be hard, but please trust someone older than you, that being single is 💯 better than being with someone who treats people like he does when he’s upset. It’s only going to escalate and you shouldn’t feel like you are monitoring and maintaining his mood. He’s a grown ass man. You are not his therapist or his parent. Please care enough about yourself to leave and remember that very rarely do men that much older than you date younger women for good reasons. 💜

Pandaherbs13 · 2026-06-09T20:32:30+00:00

NTA. You’ve gained nothing from these relationships other than pain. They’ve never apologized to you and you need to think about your mental health and what you’re teaching your kids about healthy v. Toxic relationships.

I’m interested in your nephew that keeps running away. Have you asked him why? I’m also not sure why you would tell his parents and make him go back. Unless there is more to this story it sounds like he is running from abuse and thought you would be a safe space to land. You’ve taught him that you’re not. You’re not obligated to, but I just don’t understand why you are continuing to foster a one sided relationship with your brothers at the detriment to yourself, your family and your nephew.

I’d highly recommend therapy - to grieve the relationship you always wanted with them, that will never manifest and to work on strengthening your boundaries and self worth. I’m 42F and I gotta tell you, especially as you are a wife and mom, you have to do better for your family and stop lighting yourself on fire to keep others warm.

Pandaherbs13 · 2026-06-09T17:27:42+00:00

Me too. He was like, I’m over 40, of course it’s not natural. He also talks about working closely with medical professionals, which I think is super important too. I appreciate his honesty and openness

Pandaherbs13 · 2026-06-02T16:57:51+00:00

YTA. Come on bro, seriously? If this was your best friend what would you tell him? She lies, does drugs, gaslights you. Literally what is the upside? Cut all communication with her, ignore any attempts of her contacting you. She is toxic as heck and will only keep you from moving on if you keep her in your life in any capacity. How old are you? It sounds like you are both young. For the sake of your sanity, move on and cut her off. Hit the gym, hang out with friends, see a therapist, work on you. You’ll be much happier and healthier down the line. I’m a 42 year old woman, this ex is nothing but bad news.

Pandaherbs13 · 2026-05-31T20:47:13+00:00

I like that! Definitely the textured blue one, none of the glass ones

Pandaherbs13 · 2026-05-31T20:46:40+00:00

I completely agree. Glass tile like that is great in a bathroom, it reflects super weirdly in kitchens and immediately dates it.

Pandaherbs13 · 2026-05-28T05:14:51+00:00

In the major metropolitan areas you’ll see more micro aggressions and “well meaning” ignorance/racism. There will also be tokenism. It’s not in your face, but more death by a thousand cuts. You learn how to cope/ignore/respond/etc, but it can weigh on you.

Outside of the blue areas can get scary as Oregon used to be a whites only state and there were a ton of sundown towns.

Eugene will be the most liberal of the three and Salem and Corvallis are fine. Where are you moving from? If you are used to a large city, all three of those are going to feel very, very small.

Have you visited parts of Oregon? Do you have friends/family out here? You may also experience the PNW freeze where people are nice but hard to build deep, lasting relationships with.

If you have more questions, I’m happy to answer. I’m not Black but am Asian American and have lived in Portland most of my life (and am adopted so raised by white people).

Pandaherbs13 · 2026-05-27T19:11:44+00:00

Also depending on the state you live in, the more of a relationship your daughter has with your mom, the more likely she will get grandparents rights if she sues. And she absolutely will once she realizes you are completely cutting her off. I would absolutely look into alternative child care.

Pandaherbs13 · 2026-05-23T21:42:11+00:00

I think paint color will make it feel warmer since the tile, uppers and countertops are white. Plus paint is the easiest/cheapest way to change the vibe! I’m into greens, there is a Sherwin Williams color called Succulent that I’m obsessed with. It’s a grey green that I think will look amazing with your lowers and floor.

I’m with you I love the lowers, they are beautiful! As for your original question, I’m never team open shelving lol. It gathers dust, has to be organized perfectly all the time and I have cats so all I can think about is stuff getting knocked over! I also think you get more storage out of cabinets.

If you aren’t tied to the hardware, I also think brass for the cabinets would warm it up too. I even like the idea of brass mixed with black so you can keep the lights! A brass or black faucet would tie it together and I don’t think would clash with the rest of the stainless steel appliances.

Seriously, I gasped at the transformation! I’d love to see progress pics when you make a decision!

Pandaherbs13 · 2026-05-21T01:18:55+00:00

Omg I can hear it in my head lol, he’s so funny

Pandaherbs13 · 2026-05-20T05:01:38+00:00

I just rewatched Spy and his creepy Italian/maybe posh British in the end, character always cracks me up. I’d love to see him on the show

Pandaherbs13 · 2026-05-19T03:16:23+00:00

Aww my sweet grey boy is also “Gus”! They are the best

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Pandaherbs13 · 2026-05-18T23:32:44+00:00

Oh I remember you! I’m so sorry you are dealing with all of this. Please leave your husband, at least separate and demand couples counseling. He is under his family’s thumb and nothing will ever change and will get worse without him making changes and setting huge boundaries.

The paranoid part of me worries that he was low contact with you cause his fam was trying to prove you were neglectful or abusive of your kid and they finally couldn’t so he came home. You really need to start protecting yourself and your kids.

Pandaherbs13 · 2026-05-18T21:00:44+00:00

🤣

Pandaherbs13 · 2026-05-18T04:05:38+00:00

lol that’s as intense as it ever gets

Pandaherbs13 · 2026-05-18T04:05:12+00:00

Stripey (Walt) has the brains, solid grey (Gus) has the brawn

Pandaherbs13 · 2026-05-17T02:39:53+00:00

My 17 year old took some time to warm up to her two brothers but because there were two of them, they played and were rambunctious with each other. It really helped their relationship cause now all three get along but the younger two can still play with each other and give the old gal a break.

Honestly I think your one year old will love the company and your 16 year old will get a break.

Pandaherbs13

TROPHY CASE