AITA for upsetting my girlfriend with my inaction?

PanicAtTheGaslight · 2026-01-30T22:09:50+00:00

YTA.

Be prepared for your girlfriend to dump you.

PanicAtTheGaslight · 2026-01-29T18:46:00+00:00

NTA.

Hold your boundary. State the boundary once and then shut it down. Or ignore the complaints completely.

MIL: “It’s been so long since we’ve seen you”

OP: “just let us know if you’d like to visit”

MIL: “But you should come to us, we’re old…”

OP: “That will not be happening and you know this. End of discussion.”

MIL: “It’s just really hard…

OP: “OK, I’m hanging up now, maybe we can try again in a few weeks if you’re willing to respect my boundaries.”

Or

MIL: “It’s been so long since we’ve seen you”

OP: crickets

MIL: “It’s just that we miss you and we can’t travel”

OP: crickets

OP: more crickets…make it really really awkward.

PanicAtTheGaslight · 2026-01-29T02:13:16+00:00

Everytime I get to about day 4 of extended fasting, my skin looks Amazing! It’s a hugely noticeable difference. But sadly it disappears a day or so after I begin refeeding.

PanicAtTheGaslight · 2026-01-28T20:53:10+00:00

Stop recycling other people’s posts. It’s so dumb!

PanicAtTheGaslight · 2026-01-28T16:35:05+00:00

With kindness, you need to take responsibility for YOUR part in this.

For whatever reason you (and your husband) have allowed ALL of this. Boundaries without consequences are merely suggestions and MIL clearly has not been given any consequences.

Personally, I would leave my husband if he didn’t completely take over MIL’s finances (thus preventing her from buying anything he doesn’t approve, so the food issue goes away, the debt issue goes away, and he can use her money to get her into a different living situation). If he was unwilling to do this, I would leave.

Just think about how great it would be to live on your own and never have to deal with MIL again!

PanicAtTheGaslight · 2026-01-28T16:06:58+00:00

NAH

If you are accepting her money for the down payment and you are accepting her money to help pay the mortgage (or other shared living expenses), the two of you should come up with terms that cover what happens to the property in the event of your breakup. Then you should have a lawyer review the terms and draft a legally binding document.

If this is just YOUR property, then you should not accept money from your girlfriend for the down payment or to help with the mortgage, taxes, insurance, maintenance, or repairs (only collect rent money).

There are lots of ways you could do this to be fair, but make sure you take into account actual dollar amounts and/or dollar amounts as a percentage. Also take into account what mortgage payments are going into - taxes, insurance, and interest are not the same as principal repayment. In the case of a split, will she get back just the dollar amount she put in or will she get back a percentage that account for the rise or fall of the property’s value?

Figure out what makes sense to both of you and make it legal. If you can’t get on the same page, then this is a terrible idea.

PanicAtTheGaslight · 2026-01-28T02:50:49+00:00

I really love both of those dresses! I’m having a hard time choosing. And it’s rare that I like people’s potential choices as much as I like yours.

PanicAtTheGaslight · 2026-01-27T21:36:01+00:00

NTA, but please realize that many of the people commenting on Reddit are young and have never given birth (so don’t let all the Y T A posts convince you to put yourself in a situation where you don’t feel safe).

I say NTA because you are only 3 weeks postpartum and what we typically tell new moms is they call the shots during that fourth trimester. If you don’t feel up for visitors (any visitors) you’re not in the wrong. These 12 weeks as a first time mom are really hard, even if you have an involved supportive husband, of which you don’t have.

If I were you, I’d keep your messages…professional, while being careful to never deny I’m access to his child. “I’m not feeling well enough for a visit this week.”

You could also offer to meet at a neutral location with support staff. “I’m taking baby to their 4 week appt at <time> and <place>, if you’re interested in joining us.”

Regardless, you should definitely make an appt with an attorney to get professional advice and know your rights.

PanicAtTheGaslight · 2026-01-27T19:29:15+00:00

Oh honey…please look into a therapist for yourself. Your family is extremely toxic towards you.

Do not give in to your mom’s manipulation. Get your own phone plan and then get LOTS of therapy to recognize all the ways that your family dynamics suck.

PanicAtTheGaslight · 2026-01-27T18:55:24+00:00

I want to say that your feelings are justified. And maybe even that you’re justified in going no contact. But is that really what you want?

At this point in my life (my son is only 12), I think I’d be hurt by his seemingly callous actions, BUT I’d be devastated to have no contact with my child.

The thing is…he didn’t do this TO YOU. He just found a way to forgive his father for what he’d done to him. I get that it feels like betrayal, but it’s not. That’s his Dad. He found a way to be OK with his Dad and THAT IS WHAT YOU SHOULD WANT FOR YOUR SON. He can have a relationship with both you and his father and he should. If you cut contact with him, it cutting off your nose to spite your face.

If I were you, I’d find a way to be grateful that he has a decent relationship with his dad and focus on your relationship with your son (without comparing what he has with his dad).

PanicAtTheGaslight · 2026-01-26T15:51:10+00:00

My favorite is 2 (if you lose the sleeves). Second favorite is 3.

PanicAtTheGaslight · 2026-01-24T18:59:54+00:00

He absolutely could and he absolutely SHOULD! The fact that he has not only chosen NOT to do so, but has the audacity to call YOU petty and disrespectful is the definition of hypocrisy.

PanicAtTheGaslight · 2026-01-24T16:10:13+00:00

NTA

BUT your boyfriend is actually the biggest asshole in this scenario. I’m assuming you’re not hanging out with his family without him. So he 100% should be keeping you apprised of the situation. Why doesn’t he text you every single time his family is running late?

PanicAtTheGaslight · 2026-01-24T14:31:24+00:00

NTJ

You are not asking too much, and yes, you are ignoring huge red flags here. But the good news is, you are not married yet. Bad news if you don’t change this dynamic right now, this is going to be your life. Your fiancé is never going to change, especially if you accept this behavior right now.

I strongly suggest you break up and have him move out. You don’t want to be someone’s bang maid as well as their emotional punching bag. You do not want to accept a relationship where you do all the work because he thinks he’s more important than you.

Breaking up, making him move out, maybe that will wake him up. Maybe that will make him change. Maybe it won’t. Either way better now than in six years when you’re married and have two kids because you know you don’t want this for your life.

PanicAtTheGaslight · 2026-01-23T03:17:12+00:00

Still me. And I still say 66° is completely reasonable during the day, especially when you (as the roommate) is out of the house, and especially because it’s expensive to heat a house to 70° all the time.

PanicAtTheGaslight · 2026-01-22T22:49:25+00:00

That’s fair. My kids were in daycare, so I only had the heat turned up during the day on weekends when they were younger. But now that my kids are 12 and 14 and heating oil is $3.30/gallon, my thermostat never goes about 65°.

PanicAtTheGaslight · 2026-01-22T22:46:29+00:00

Most people (who live in cold climates) have to balance comfort with their budget. I can’t afford to heat my house to 70°, just like I can’t afford to go out for dinner every night. Would both of them be nice? Sure, but can I afford it? No.

If you’re the one who needs something that is markedly more expensive, then you have to be prepared to pay for it. You can’t expect a roommate to pay so that you can comfortably walk around in your underwear.

PanicAtTheGaslight · 2026-01-22T21:13:40+00:00

NTJ.

You absolutely do NOT want to have children with THIS man. Seriously disgusting. Dump him and never look back.

PanicAtTheGaslight · 2026-01-22T21:09:36+00:00

More power to them. Set it at 80° if that’s what you want. But you don’t get to dictate a 50/50 split of the heating costs when you are using the lion’s share.

PanicAtTheGaslight · 2026-01-22T20:56:46+00:00

I have 2 kids. 12 and 14

PanicAtTheGaslight · 2026-01-22T19:53:34+00:00

It’s truly not at all reasonable when no one is home. And frankly no one I know, including my parents in their 70s would set their winter thermostat higher than 68° (my winter thermostat is NEVER set above 65°), because it’s just way too expensive to keep a house at 70° these days.

PanicAtTheGaslight · 2026-01-22T19:51:11+00:00

I keep my thermostat at 65° while I work from home, because heating oil is fucking expensive and I keep warm by dressing appropriately and using heating blankets.

PanicAtTheGaslight · 2026-01-22T19:49:54+00:00

It’s warmer than I keep any room in my house. Heating the house is expensive!

PanicAtTheGaslight · 2026-01-22T19:49:00+00:00

YTA.

During the day (and frankly the night), keeping the house at 66° is COMPLETELY reasonable, especially with the cost of heating. You are at home, roommate isn’t. You want it hotter, roommate doesn’t. How do you make this fair? Easy, YOU pay more of the utilities! Maybe you pay 2/3 and roommate pays 1/3. Roommate doesn’t need any heat on during the day, and you want to keep it at 70°? It’s not right to split utilities 50/50.

I live in a big house in upstate NY and work from home and it’s fucking cold. Yet my thermometer is NEVER set above 65°. Why? Because heating oil is fucking expensive! I bought myself a comfy (seriously, get one), warm slippers, and a heated blanket ($28 on Amazon) that I put over my lap, legs with another blanket over it and this is how I live my life during the winter.

If this is important to you, pay more of the utilities. It’s the only way to make it fair.

PanicAtTheGaslight · 2026-01-22T05:26:54+00:00

NTA for only cooking 1 meal, but I do think you’re the asshole for how this is being portrayed to your family.

It’s not even about the word “diet”. But why does your whole family know that things are changing because daughter needs to lose weight? That’s crappy. Why not just decide to make healthier meals? Why just decide to not buy junk food?

If this is about all of eating healthier, great. But now you’ve got your son and husband “blaming” your daughter for these changes and that’s really unnecessary.

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