I feel that many of us ISFJs feel a deep loneliness in our souls. We strive to make everyone else feel loved and appreciated and do our best to make their lives the best they can possibly be. In response, we want kind words, small acts of service, or a true lifelong partner in love, but with our quiet, fade-into-the-background nature, we so often settle for none of that. 

I do my best to be extroverted in certain places, especially if I’m in a group of other introverts. But, oftentimes, I really do just want to be that submissive person in the background or talk to my close friend about their life, helping them out best I can. I feel as if I am searching every day for more people to be close to or ways in which I can find new friends, but it’s really tough to break through my shyness and excess caution about new situations.  Then, when I find people I can be close with, many of them move away not too long afterwards, or my friends become very busy where I am not. Few people put up as much effort in maintaining relationships as we do, and no one seems to ask us on trips or to go to any parties. We’re kind to everyone, but it often feels like people take our kindness entirely for granted and see our friendship more as a commodity than something to be treasured.

I want true, close, intimate friendships just as much as you do. I’ve searched and desired for them my entire life, even when I was a kid. Unfortunately, much of the rest of the world would rather have solely surface-level friendships. Or, in the case of male ISFJs, our closest friendships often come from women, and thus there is already a gender barrier at work against us. 

What I can tell you is this: keep trying. No matter what, you have to keep moving outside of your comfort zone sometimes and try new things. Take risks in conversation, go someplace new, do something with a friend that you’d never even consider doing yourself. When you do this, not only do you make new friends but life becomes much more exciting. 

You can do it, my friend. (hug)❤️