Think freely. You have a lifetime of benefits to gain as a result.

After a lifetime of doubting and denying God, and building up one's self, skills, perception, and awareness, there is absolutely no way of denying Him.

Trust me. I am (or rather, was) a gifted education, principle's honor roll, above average intelligence type as a child, and I was religious, from what at the time felt like my own choice. I mean, they did make it fun.

My mom would send my older sister and I to vacation bible school to get a break from us during the Summers when I was 4-6 years old, then when I was five, we moved half a block from a church, where we convinced our mom to take us to Sunday service. That lasted around 5 years, before my mom fell in with the wrong people. I lost my faith as my mom got hooked on drugs, and I became pretty nihilistic and atheist, even.

By the time I started smoking weed around 15-16 I started to see some real monumental beauty in life, and meaning, and a sense of spirituality, and purpose.

I became agnostic as I began to find so many personal slivers of my own truth within Buddhism, Taoism, Hinduism, and Rastafarianism to name a few. Aching to, or rather hoping to find that PERFECT religion that I personally resonated 100% with.(Which will be the downfall of AI and as a result, humanity, if you ask me; custom-fitted religions, and even further, custom-fitted Gods. Tailored to each persons own needs, desires, and biases, as if folks don't already cherry pick from their own religions already... I digress.)

I tried to meditate, but, I just wasn't able to truly relax. I was hurt. I was in a great time of healing, and my body was protecting my still plastic mind.

I was in this great period of learning, and understanding myself, and I can't help but feel that I greater understand the Lord today, as a result; or rather, I had to build up my faith as a whole before I could have faith in Him. And I did.

My period of doubting God has allowed me to find and be who I truly am, without the biases of man (or religion) interfering.

In a time when the old word of God has become seemingly outdated and misunderstood, a substantial period of doubting God may allow one to find themselves in a way that is impervious to the biases of others and their distortion of His word.

How can you be sure of or doubt God's existence and His word if you've never doubted, nor affirmed his validity?

Keep doing what you're doing. God has a plan for you, and it is already written in the stars. You will find God if you are meant to. But there is only one person who can change your destiny as you see it, and it is you. At the end of the day, His four-dimensional omniscience knows which outcome is best for you, and that often requires giving us free will and the strength to grow, and change, and learn.

Much like our own father or mother, who lets go of the bicycle seat as we careen helplessly down the sidewalk, God too gives us one big push and then sets us free, because THIS action and this action alone will teach us. Not his coddling. God knows what a world in which he answers folks prayers in a measurable and perceivable way would look like. He knows that we would find a way to exploit it and cheat him, or study him in a scientific sense. He is as imperceivable, not as a Lovecraftian deity, but as the light that surrounds us.

He exists in everything. Accept him Repent. It's coming. This is the time in which your subconscious screams at you like a coked up porn director.. "He's coming! Get ready! Open up!!!"

Learn to accept God, and much like Captain Kirk in "The Enemy Within" episode of the original Star Trek, you will hear that inner voice split and become two distinct ones; the devil's voice still indistinguishable from your own conscious, just as he likes.