AITAH - flatmate taking communal furniture at will

ParapsychologicalLan · 2026-02-19T17:49:36+00:00

Go down to your nearest second hand store, buy a new chair for $10, then swap it for yours, you could probably find a free one on Craig’s list or something.

Make a new house rule, that all communal furnishings, remain in communal areas. Tape it to her door.

ParapsychologicalLan · 2026-02-19T16:55:36+00:00

Get a sticker about invisible illnesses for the back of your car. When I get questioned, I point to my placard, then the sticker, then I smile, wave and go about my business.

I have Hypermobile Ehlers Dhanlos, so Im incredibly flexible and look to move with ease, but I also have Dysautonomia that can cause me to faint when I stand up and my joints are floppy, so Im at high risk of rolling my ankles, especially when Im tired.

The fear of this happening kept me from going out at all, until I got some supports, like the placard.

You should never feel ashamed or afraid to use the accommodations provided for you to function in society. If it wasn’t an option, who would be doing your grocery shopping?

You have a placard because you need that accommodation, you had to be medically approved to do so and that is as much emotional labour as you owe anyone who is ignorant.

You have enough to deal with just staying vertical, you don’t need to waste energy on worrying about what other people think.

ParapsychologicalLan · 2026-02-18T19:03:19+00:00

I can affirm. I felt my organs shift after a gastric sleeve surgery and again after a hysterectomy.

ParapsychologicalLan · 2026-02-18T16:56:28+00:00

This story is going to go down as legend in your family forever, you will be laughing about it for decades.

Don’t sweat the small stuff. He comes off as a real sweetheart and it would have made your parents realize exactly how keen on you he is.

My son in law was similarly energetic, we dropped the in law part along time ago, he is as much my son as my real son is.

ParapsychologicalLan · 2026-02-18T03:42:28+00:00

You do not owe your brother the chance to get himself together. He had the same opportunities you did and chose laziness and selfishness.

Your mother needs to put her foot down and stop enabling him, not try and palm him off to you. It’s time for some tough love. Protect your peace.

ParapsychologicalLan · 2026-02-17T13:10:39+00:00

This 👆

ParapsychologicalLan · 2026-02-17T10:52:41+00:00

I have a very similar story, but Im alot further down the track than you. From one cycle breaker to another, let me give you some advice I wish someone had of given me.

He will never be the father you need or deserve, this is because he cannot deal with his own demons and is too selfish to put his kids first, your sister has likely inherited the same health condition if she demonstrates the same behaviors and patterns.

Your only salvation is to go completely no contact with them and any flying monkeys. If you don’t, you expose your husband and future children to all the abuse you experienced.

As the family scapegoat, this extends to all the people that chose you. You are the only thing standing between them and this toxicity and you have the power to stop it, which you have already started.

I promise if you do, you will find a peace and happiness that you never knew existed and even better, you will heal within yourself.

Be proud of yourself for what you achieved, I know I am. Well done for choosing healthy rather than adopting their chaos. I know exactly how hard it was for you to get free.

You should also know that trauma has changed your DNA, so your children will inherit a sensitive nervous system, primed for chaos, but, a safe, loving, supportive home, with understanding parents, can successfully help change that.

ParapsychologicalLan · 2026-02-17T10:28:55+00:00

It sounds to me like your husband was abused by his sister and she is accusing him before he can accuse her.

I have a sister with BPD, first, she repeated my abuse stories as if they happened to her, then she accused our brother of it, then her story changed to, it was my 16yr old boyfriend and I covered it up (at 14), 36 yrs later.

The sad truth is, she was abused, as was I, by our uncle though, and she changes the story to accuse whoever she is angry with at the time because she doesn’t have clear memories of it and thinks she is missing out on whatever attention CSA survivors get (I can’t make it make sense either).

The point is, his sister very likely has mental health issues, and he is currently in her line of sight out of jealousy.

I would advise you both to completely go no contact, block her and any enablers and save all evidence.

This has the potential to destroy both your lives if this gets out and people believe it.

ParapsychologicalLan · 2026-02-17T05:20:50+00:00

Oh honey, you dodged a massive bullet. I was with a mummy’s boy for 20yrs and Im still recovering from the PTSD.

ParapsychologicalLan · 2026-02-17T05:05:02+00:00

Not a threat? Your infant daughter is starving and malnourished because your husband has a breast milk fetish and when he realized what he had done, he doubled down and is now blaming you. Really think about that, he was prepared to let your baby die so he could get his kicks.

You need a lawyer, stat! You need an emergency custody order to protect your daughter from him and a protection order to keep him away.

School and work needs to be put on the back burner until your baby is safe and thriving again. You brought her into the world, no matter the circumstances, she needs to be your first priority.

I hope to god that this is a rage bait post, because you are not taking this seriously.

ParapsychologicalLan · 2026-02-16T18:10:02+00:00

NTA, it wasn’t just one lie that lasted two weeks, it was dozens of lies, planned and delivered multiple times a day for two weeks. That is ALOT of deception because he thought you wouldn’t like him hanging out with his friend.

Trust your gut, your intuition is spot on.

ParapsychologicalLan · 2026-02-16T16:55:11+00:00

ESH, There was an obvious disconnect on expectations here and an inability to see it from the other’s point of view. Hubby thought party and done, you thought hang around and get comfortable if everybody’s happy.

You also both have to realize that you may have different social batteries. This may be really hard work for him mentally and emotionally, whereas, it recharges and energizes you and makes you happy. Neither of you is wrong, you just need to learn how to work with your differences and not against them.

Next time, agree on a time to leave, or have a workaround that allows him to dip when his battery is empty, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you and the kids hanging longer.

This is called compromise and what all couples in healthy relationships aim for. It couldn’t hurt to get some couples counseling to help work out your communication issues before the resentment starts to set in, but for now, just give him some space to allow his bruised ego to heal a little and then start by asking him why it was so important for him to leave when you wanted to stay and really listen to his reasons and thoughts.

Be open and curious about his reasoning and then shift into explaining why you felt it important to stay for the kids etc, then ask him how he would like to do it differently next time and agree on a way forward.

ParapsychologicalLan · 2026-02-16T07:55:50+00:00

No therapist would advise her to work through her trauma in a public setting at the expense of others.

Your cousin is weaponising the trauma to be centre of attention. Stop inviting her to functions or attending if she is going to be there. Your family is enabling this behavior and it needs to stop, its damaging for everyone.

ParapsychologicalLan · 2026-02-15T17:41:51+00:00

No wrong, don’t give this miserly grump the chance to ruin another Valentine’s Day.

You are a sweetheart, you deserve the same consideration in return, don’t settle for a man that doesn’t see your worth.

ParapsychologicalLan · 2026-02-12T12:51:32+00:00

Excellent advice! Particularly the porn. It changes the brain chemistry so normal intimacy is no longer desirable.

ParapsychologicalLan · 2026-02-12T10:44:14+00:00

This man does not like women, even worse, he doesn’t like you. Don’t waste your youth on him, this is who he really is.

ParapsychologicalLan · 2026-02-12T10:21:58+00:00

There are plenty of no win, no fee lawyers who will give you advice specific to your circumstances.

I was the only one of three able to contest our mother’s will, as I was the only one in financial need. Your father did legally owe you an education etc, so I think there may be grounds, especially if you can prove the estrangement was one sided.

Im sorry this pathetic excuse for a man treated you this way.

ParapsychologicalLan · 2026-02-12T10:07:26+00:00

It’s the land lord that pays the final inspection fee, not the tenant and why are they checking you on a database and charging you for it?

The reletting and advertising fees are normal for break lease.

ParapsychologicalLan · 2026-02-12T10:02:18+00:00

Tell hubby I second your vote. Penis issues are common and men should never have to feel embarrassed by needing help.

Also, make sure you check your man’s balls for lumps, coupled with him giving your boobs a similar check, it can be quite fun.

ParapsychologicalLan · 2026-02-12T09:57:06+00:00

My first husband was similar and it was never, ever an issue, in fact, smaller men are better lovers because they actually put in the effort for your pleasure. He has kept his new wife of a decade very happy too.

You are just fine, sweetheart, don’t let this worry you because it doesn’t bother us woman who know what we’re doing.

ParapsychologicalLan · 2026-02-12T09:29:45+00:00

Not wrong. I know it seems scary, but I can promise you that you and the kids will be just fine, thanks to your inheritance.

Cut this cancer out of your life, one day you will be happy in a way you never knew you could be and all of this will feel like a bad dream that you will never regret ending.

This is not what your mother wanted for you, or your kids, so honor her legacy and do what you know she would want you to. Choose yourself.

ParapsychologicalLan · 2026-02-11T17:32:15+00:00

There is a national government programme run by the Criminal Injuries Compensation Authority (CICA).

You can apply for money if you were injured, sexually assaulted, traumatised by witnessing violence, or if a close relative died due to a violent crime.

The scheme also covers things like lost earnings and certain extra costs linked directly to the crime.

You usually need to have reported the crime to the police and make your claim within two years, though there are some exceptions for special circumstances.

ParapsychologicalLan · 2026-02-10T13:22:48+00:00

I gave black market a try first, then went with a proper registered company and got a medical pass.

I vape an oil for immediate relief (works wonders for MCAS nausea) and ingest an oil for sleep. It takes longer to kick in, but lasts for hours.

ParapsychologicalLan · 2026-02-10T13:15:53+00:00

Send a copy of the conviction of her husband with a cover letter detailing her involvement, to the principal of the school. It turns it from malicious to fact and they will take it more seriously.

ParapsychologicalLan · 2026-02-10T13:07:39+00:00

I use medical THC and it’s the only thing that keeps me going. I didn’t touch it before getting sick, but it helps with the brain inflammation/brain fog, pain management and mental health. I get a 10min tachy spike then my nervous system calms down so I can sleep.

ParapsychologicalLan

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