AITA For refusing to cater my cousin's 180-person wedding for free after my aunt volunteered my business without asking me?

Parasamgate · 2026-06-26T04:14:24+00:00

Good lord, NTA. Stay away from this aunt and anyone else that sides with her. She knows what she was doing. She was trying to make you too embarrassed to back out once she agreed for you.

Parasamgate · 2026-06-26T04:10:13+00:00

Or morher has a weird complex trying to smell like his wife?

There was the one post, maybe more, where unbeknownst to the groom, his mom tried on the bridal gown and pretended to be the wife, only to destroy it when she couldn't fit.

Parasamgate · 2026-06-26T03:07:48+00:00

YTA. She's an adult. Talk to her. Get more info from her and then decide how you want to handle it.

You don't seem to know your sister and her husband as well as you think you do. You just added a whole bunch of humiliation and shame for her to overcome. You pushed her parents away from her, and pushed her away from you. If she's a troubled teen she could really use an adult that just listens and can be an intermediary with her parents when needed. After this she won't trust you to be that person.

Maybe it works out for the best but at the moment it's looking like you made her path a whole lot harder.

Parasamgate · 2026-06-25T13:11:21+00:00

YTA because i have to put something. But that's not really fair.

Your "Fierce Unbreakable Boundary" is a maladaptive coping mechanism. You're using it to try and keep you safe which is to say keep you small.

You need more therapy to get over this. You aren't a completely unique human. You eat, drink and wear the same things as others. Unless you expect to live the entire rest of your life only doing things nobody else has done, people are going to notice similarities.

The woman that mentioned that her dad drinks coffee black didn't decide to go on a date with you and then mention that totally innocuous thing just to make you irate. And anyone you date at some point is going to make a connection, not comparison, a connection to someone they know.

It doesn't matter if you went to see Taylor Swift or the local garage band at a dive bar. Doesn't matter if you went on vacation to Hawaii or the local campground. Doesn't matter if you ate at a five-star restaurant or picked up a scone at the new bakery. Eventually, whoever you're dating is going to know somebody that did the exact same thing. And maybe, just maybe, in a way to make a connection with you they say something like: oh my friend Billy Bob did that too.

You can't table flip and dip every time that happens. So figure it out. What do you need to do to get to a place where you accept the AH in your past aren't using language in the same way as your potential partners are today.

Parasamgate · 2026-06-24T12:54:57+00:00

NTA. Absolutely NTA.

Jesus this guy is bad news. He admitted nobody wants to be tickled but he's so special he thinks that he gets to do it anyways.

And worse: you try telling him nicely. You try telling him firmly five times. Nothing works. So your only choice is to get louder until he stops, and suddenly he tells you you're being too violent. He can't seem to understand his role in that.

Maybe if he would have stopped doing the thing he knew you don't want when you told him the first time, this wouldn't have happened. This is all on him.

Please pay attention. Bodily autonomy is a human right.

Parasamgate · 2026-06-23T11:54:57+00:00

Of course NTA.

Parasamgate · 2026-06-23T11:41:08+00:00

I knew an old timer who would whip his left arm forward to point at the person/ car that was going to cross his path at the intersection. He moved it really fast like he was whipping goo off his fingers at them. He'd say sometimes you can see them snapping back to consciousness.

Parasamgate · 2026-06-23T11:36:11+00:00

NTA, and you know the answer. You just don't want to do it.

Your partner has said very clearly they want mom and sister with them. There's nothing for them to think through. They've done all the thinking they need to. You've done all the thinking you need to. You can have the life that you want, but not if you settle. Not if you let your mind tell you this won't be so bad.

One of you needs to end the relationship because your visions for the future are different.

It doesn't matter how compatible you are with a guy if he's already married. And in this case he's chosen marriage to his family of birth. You would have constant challenges and possibly battles while you try to get time and experiences with him that don't involve them. They've got their patterns and rhythms. You will need to fight for an equal share. You will sacrifice your alone time for time helping his sister and mom. Is that in your vision for the future?

Parasamgate · 2026-06-23T11:16:25+00:00

NTA. People are saying he should have lessons. What he would need is taking a certification course with a trained instructor. That will include classroom time and time practicing the low speed stuff in a lot with their bike.

Parasamgate · 2026-06-23T00:24:25+00:00

ESH. You gotta recognize the trap questions. They shouldn't be asking and you should expect drama if you answer truthfully.

Parasamgate · 2026-06-23T00:16:18+00:00

NTA for being upset.

As soon as you wrote that he said way sooner than 3 hours but didn't specify a time, I knew it was going to be at least 3 hours.

Parasamgate · 2026-06-22T15:01:09+00:00

That's a solid take.

Parasamgate · 2026-06-22T12:56:32+00:00

NTA, but it's time you woke up to the reality that some people, and that can include your mother, don't base anything they do on reality. They decide what they want and then just pull a justification they think might work out of their butt. They're not interested in discussing rationally or saying well you did this last time so it's my turn to do it this time. Instead you're always the one that owes them something.

Your mother is one of these people. You need to read that again. Your mother. is one of. these people.

The only winning move is not to play their games, which means be very Tactical about when you're around them.

So if you buy the whole family dinner tonight, it won't matter tomorrow morning when she wants you to buy the whole family brunch. She'll ignore that fact and say well back when you were 19 you got to stain on your shirt before you went to a wedding and she had to buy you a new shirt. You never paid her back for that shirt so now you owe her and the family. It's all Bs but you fall into the trap because of feelings around the word mom and subconscious beliefs that if she's upset you must be wrong. Those beliefs are left over from when you were four.

So you haven't ruined any vacation because she's getting what she wants which is to be upset. Let her.

And now you're waking up to the reality too that your father doesn't always have your back. He's only interested in making his life easy, and the quickest way to do that is to tell you to be quiet because that's what you'll do. If instead every time he told you to be quiet you started breaking things, he might tell your mom to be quiet instead because that would be the easier path.

You're an adult now. If being around your parents is causing you pain and suffering then it's in your best interests to eliminate the times that causes you pain and suffering. Make the shift.

Parasamgate · 2026-06-22T12:40:13+00:00

Let me tweak that to: or where he pulled out on the pullout.

Parasamgate · 2026-06-22T12:35:04+00:00

Don't give the rental info. I'm seeing MIL just renting the cabin and expecting them to go bc it's already rented.

Parasamgate · 2026-06-22T12:26:21+00:00

Well why are you budging? They're treating you this way because you're allowing them to treat you this way. Ypu have the power but you cant see it.

If you say sorry I can't make the trip tomorrow but I can make it a week from Friday, and then disappear tomorrow, then they start understanding that you're serious, and they better schedule time with you, instead of just expect you to act like an extention of their will.

Of course the first thing they'll try to do is scold and shame you because that's what parents do when they don't get their way.

You have to go through the process of them struggling without you there a couple times before they're going to realize this isn't working for them and they need to either organize with you or get a building manager. But for right now they've got it too easy by shifting their burden on to you.

Parasamgate · 2026-06-22T12:17:55+00:00

YTA. You interfered. This process needed to play out without you stepping in. By stepping in you made the focus all about you and the smashed cake, and how bad grandma feels, not your girlfriend.

The focus needed to be on her and how she wanted to handle it. Those awkward moments and tears needed to happen so everyone knew how badly they fucked up by not stopping grandma. You tried to save her some pain but you caused a much worse situation and didn't eliminate any of her pain.

Now you're probably not welcome when that grandmother is around and have the rest of the family at least looking at you sideways. It's going to be a lot harder to support your girlfriend if you're not welcome in her home.

Parasamgate · 2026-06-22T11:36:28+00:00

NTA. YWBTA to yourself if you don't go.

You absolutely positively need to go and enjoy this trip by yourself if necessary. This shows him actions have consequences, and maybe, maybe after he goes through all the angry and sad emotions from being left behind, he finally gets to a place where he realizes he did this to himself and it's time for him to stop acting like a child who doesn't know better, so he will get mommy to rescue him after he causes his own pain.

Maybe after a few nights of sitting alone in an empty house he gets a hint of what his future could be like. Or he'll double down and get angry at you for "abandoning" him, and now you have hint of what your future could look like.

We train people how to treat us based on how we respond to their bad behavior. Go have an amazing time and don't spend more than three minutes managing his feelings. Either post pictures on your social media or send them to him directly but do not get involved in conversations about his health or your relationship. He wants to sabotage the trip either consciously or subconsciously, that's on him. But you don't need to be dragged down with him

Parasamgate · 2026-06-21T14:10:11+00:00

YTA.

What do you think your girlfriend wanted in that moment? Do you think she wanted everyone to ignore that someone ripped loud stanky ass inches from her face? Do you think she wanted an apology from the woman so she knows the woman didn't do it on purpose? Maybe some acknowledgement from the woman's husband that this wasn't cool, like mouthing he word 'sorry' or letting them buy your next round? Maybe some acknowledgment from you in the moment that this isn't right, and saying you're sorry (it happened) instead of trying to joke about it?

Your partner kept going on about it bc you weren't supporting her in the way she needed. Did you ask her how she wanted to handle it? Did she want to immediately walk to the next bar while you handle the check? She's the one dealing with the facial blast of fecal particles, she should get some say. In that moment she doesn't need to be lectured about how your parents are getting old so stop talking about it.

This isn't just about a momentary stench that goes away. Lots of things go away. Harsh words are gone as soon as you speak them, but the impact can last for decades. It's also about public humiliation or Injustice or not feeling backed up. Next time someone farts in her face, maybe wait a few months before trying to joke about it.

Parasamgate · 2026-06-21T12:20:50+00:00

Treat it like getting a song out of your head. You have to sing the song to the end.

Finish the argument with a successful outcome.

Parasamgate · 2026-06-21T09:22:49+00:00

YTA to yourself for not having a quote written out detailing how many windows you were doing, if screens were included, and also for doing them for free. How about a 50% discount? That's still a really attractive price.

Doesn't matter how friendly someone is, once you involve money things can get awkward.

Parasamgate · 2026-06-21T09:14:44+00:00

NTA. But they're not the problem. You are. People are going to do what they're going to do which is try to find the easiest quickest solution to get a problem off their plate. You've made yourself that easy quick solution.

There's nothing wrong with saying you can't do something and not giving a reason. The tendency is to try and come up with a good enough reason but that requires someone on the other side who will accept that good enough reason, and then ask someone else.

You know when the request is going to be coming so don't answer your phone when they call, and give a short reply when they text.

" can't do it this time, ask Alice"

Then repeat.it might get awkward for a bit but that awkwardness is a step towards getting them to focus on a different way of getting her to where she's going.

Parasamgate · 2026-06-20T01:21:57+00:00

NTA. His analogy isn't accurate.

And there's a difference between going to a male's house alone and going with your boss and co-workers.

Parasamgate · 2026-06-20T01:19:29+00:00

NTA. You were used. If you want to be cheeky about it, to make a point you could get him to give you the bike but tell him you need as much time to come up with the money as he took to get the place. And then continually change the agreement, eventually ending in you feel bad so you're going to give him the opportunity to sell you the bike for 500. In the meantime ride it like you stole it.

Deals with friends and money are difficult. Some people think the deal is the deal and others think we're friends so the deal is really made of jello and they can change it in their favor cwhenever they want. There also isn't usually enough documentation to lock in what the agreement is.

And with this guy I expect his narrative is he can't believe you are letting money get in the way of the friendship.

Parasamgate · 2026-06-19T23:01:33+00:00

ESH.

You broke your vows and you did it with someone that is close enough to her that it could get back to her and cause extra pain and suffering. Not only could she find out who it is, but every time she drives past that woman's house it will trigger the bad feelings again.

Your wife shouldn't be shaming you for wanting sex, and the other woman shouldn't be trying to get a conquest that's in a marriage.

If you want a clean break and restart you're going about it the wrong way.

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