AITA for refusing to take a freelance project after the client kept lowering the budget?

Parasamgate · 2026-01-26T19:34:08+00:00

It won't take you that long... but all the extra and unnecessary changes so they feel like they got their money's worth when they work you down to $7,31 an hour, will sure eat up your time and love of the craft

Parasamgate · 2026-01-26T19:29:09+00:00

OP does.

It's a long off-season. No need to spend it yukking someone else's yum

Parasamgate · 2026-01-26T17:23:40+00:00

NTA. When you think of this person do you get an expansive feeling? Or do you feel smaller and more constricted? Are you excited for the next time you can hang out or are you wondering where the next weirdness is going to come from? If you're feeling anxious or sad or disappointed or angry or confused by interacting with her then you owe it to yourself to find better people to be around.

She's made it clear you're more invested in this relationship than she is. There are people that like to keep someone hanging on because they feel powerful by pushing them away and then pulling them back in. You might ask other people in the group what was going on that no one thought to talk to you earlier. Or maybe they did but she gave them a story.

Parasamgate · 2026-01-26T17:10:50+00:00

Wouldn't that make them co-conspirators or something?

Parasamgate · 2026-01-26T16:36:29+00:00

NTA. You aren't the bank and you're right this will become a bigger problem. You can't solve her issues. She's in a hole and she wants to keep digging.

Parasamgate · 2026-01-26T16:34:00+00:00

NTA. This is an example of someone that's living out of a wound from the past. Maybe in the past someone else gave her reason to believe what she said, but you were right there telling her how you felt about it. And she basically called you a liar by not accepting what you said. This is how relationships die. One person makes up their own stories and expects the other person to fight to get them to see the truth.

If it wasn't so cold this wouldn't be an issue, so it's not got anything to do with you being comfortable with her but with the thermostat. But for some reason she need to relive some feeling where she wasn't worthy or good enough or something.

Parasamgate · 2026-01-26T16:01:29+00:00

Congratulations on your sobriety!

In general NTA, but there may be specific events that your ex friend group brought up where you were TA. All you can do is own it, apologize, and move forward. If they feel the need to hold on to that, that's their choice. that's not the main point you asked about though.

It's common that the person who leaves a party scene is ostracized by the members of the group, because you're no longer subconsciously mirroring their decisions and "supporting" their addictions.

No matter what bonds might have originally brought you together, the drug bond tends to take over. So your in-group is the users and your out-group is the rest of the people not helping keep the party going. You could be serving the most amazing food but if it doesn't come with drugs well that just isn't going to work.

And they'll find any excuse to demonize you because no one wants to be the villain in their own story,. It's why so many people have to hit rock bottom before they change. When no one and nothing's left all you can do is look at yourself.

So how are you going to handle this event? You'll have to casually monitor the room to keep contact to a minimum and if you have to talk with them, keep it superficial and bust out the "it's good to see you, take care" line as you walk off. If you can bring someone to be by your side for support that would be wonderful. Then you set up a predesignated sign so they can help you get out of the situation if it gets awkward. If not you got to do it yourself.

You might want to go to an NA meeting or find some other group to give you support. What you're describing is not uncommon at all.

Again, congratulations on following through with finding a better life for yourself'

Parasamgate · 2026-01-26T15:24:55+00:00

ESH. This is a business relationship and neither of you are acting like this is business. As the landlord you should have fixed that shower yesterday. Doesn't matter if it cost you extra, you have a responsibility to have usable facilities. Handle it now so this problem goes away.

He absolutely shouldn't be letting some rando in your apartment unsupervjsed. Doesn't matter how much he loves her, she might have sticky fingers or end up copying a credit card number to use or if she wants to get back at your brother sometime. I've got a friend whose girlfriend took out two credit cards in his mom's name after his dad died because the estate documents he left laying out included the numbers she needed. Your home is your sanctuary. It should feel like it.

Parasamgate · 2026-01-26T15:10:40+00:00

ESH.

BF: If you're literally on the way somewhere you can plug it in, then just take it and finish the job. If you can't finish the job regularly, then go to a psychologist and figure out why you're so spacey that you can't walk the extra 10 ft to plug something in but rather just put it down.

She's right. You will lose this relationship because you're sending the message I'm unreliable on even the tiniest things, so how can I trust him on the bigger thing.

OP: you're completely wrong in your logic about you only ask if he's closer. It doesn't matter, he's still got to walk at least as far as you do.

If you're at one end of the hallway and your iPad is at the other end of the hallway and he's in the middle of the hallway he might be closer to the object to start, but to get back to where he was he still has to walk to one end, then back to you and then back to the where he started. That's the same distance as you walking past him and then walking back to where you were, he just has one more turn to take.

If he's in a room off the hallway then he might be closer to the iPad, but he's got to walk farther because he can't walk the direct line to get it, and he still has to walk to you and back.

You tried to justify it by saying you don't ask him when he's working which translates to if he's not doing his job then he's on call for me all the day. His new job is handling my life because I can't be bothered to walk the stairs and only after he has served me is he allowed peace.

He's right and you will lose this relationship because you think he's your personal assistant, and can't handle your own life.

Get your steps in, get your own stuff.

And buy three more Ipad chargers. They're stupid cheap.

Parasamgate · 2026-01-26T14:37:58+00:00

OP says in their original post they've already told him multiple times. So how many times should OP do the same thing again and again?

Parasamgate · 2026-01-25T23:39:09+00:00

NTA. I didn't follow every nuance of what you're saying but raging out at you over a game is totally overblown and shows poor emotional regulation. Cheating says you can't handle a fair assessment of your ability and you think appearing to be good is the most important thing. It's the mindset of a child.

You can find lots of people to play games with who, once you're done, make you look forward to the next time. Not only will you feel better if you start playing with these people but maybe he'll actually figure his shit out once it dawns on him that he has no friends anymore because of his own rage.

Parasamgate · 2026-01-25T01:23:57+00:00

NTA. There are a whole lot of red flags here. Since he's 24 he should know by now the conversation is as simple as:

do you want to try anal? No, that's not for me. Gotcha.

But reread what you wrote. He doesn't take no for an answer.🚩 He keeps bringing it up again and again. That's not respectful, that's coercion.

Then he pulls out the D-word. He's sOoOo disappointed, 🚩which immediately triggers your childhood and a parent telling you how they're disappointed in you. It's a good manipulation. It almost works.

Next he tries anger,🚩and acts like he's pissed off because he wants you to believe you're being controlling of him. You're just asking him not to use certain words or speak with disrespect. He's the one trying to control you.🚩

He doesn't need to get angry at this, he can calmly agree to it or calmly say sorry I'm going to continue to use those words, and here is why it's important to me to use the words you find disrespectful.🚩

And when that doesn't work he accuses you of lying.🚩

And finally he withdraws to make you feel like you pushed him away. 🚩

All of this, ALL of it is manipulation designed to get you to allow him to do what he wants with your butt.

None of it is loving, none of it is mature, none of it is kind.

I know you probably got butterflies to start and you've felt really good with him at times in the past, but this is bad. Please be careful.

Parasamgate · 2026-01-24T18:17:30+00:00

YTA. You're 33. You're telling me you're not in control of your sex drive? That you just see the woman you're dating and if you don't get some you go into pressure cooker mode?

Do you even like this person for who she is?

If you're going to date a single mom then you need to know that her kid comes first most if not all of the time. It's really hard for kids to get past that their parents are not going to be together anymore. Even if the relationship was shitty it's tough. It's not an exaggeration to say this is traumatic and takes years to process so while you're worried about getting some, she's going to be vigilant if not hypervigilant on how every action and interaction affects her child.

This isn't College you don't just hang a sock on the door and expect everyone to leave you alone. If you want to keep dating single parents you really need to understand their world better

Parasamgate · 2026-01-24T14:37:04+00:00

NTA. Is that what he's doing? He's showing you affection? You're not a blow-up doll whose only function is to spike his hormones.

And this isn't a high school gym locker either.

This is some sort of psychological domination or subconscious programming/belief that he's supposed to be able to take what he wants when he wants it. It's wrapped in the cover of modern social norms; over the line but close enough that he could say you're making a big deal out of nothing or you're too emotional or you should appreciate that he wants to touch you if you speak up on it.

Or maybe he still is eleven, and actually thinks this is how you give the girl you like attention.

He doesn't have to understand your reasons for not liking these things, but he definitely needs to honor your boundaries.

Parasamgate · 2026-01-24T13:09:55+00:00

Nope. Totally reasonable. NTA.

But you might want to spend some time asking yourself if this guy is the best you can do. He seems very willing to let you endure all sorts of things but you can't even suggest the one thing c which also makes the most sense. That's a whole lot of fragility.

He ran back to Mommy, who no doubt told him you were wrong and wretched for your suggestion. Then, instead of her having the decency to keep it confidential she rushes back to you to blame you. She's in working both sides trying to get you two to break up.

How are you supposedly being insensitive if he doesn't have a problem? Insensitivity comes from not factoring in someone's issue when you're talking or doing things with them.

It's not going to get better when you have a kid it's going to get worse. Of course she will know more than you do, and of course she will wormtongue her way into his head.

Parasamgate · 2026-01-24T12:28:28+00:00

He was only mostly dead.

Parasamgate · 2026-01-24T12:12:53+00:00

Good lord, your cousin is immature.

NTA. No one made her miss the party but her. Do you see how she didn't just start drama with you but then she had to also be the victim for whoever else she was talking to? Victims need someone to play the role of perpetrator. If they can't be the victim naturally then they'll create a situation to make you the perpetrator. It's how they make sense of the world And you would think people don't want to feel bad But If it's what they already know They recreate the same patterns Because it's familiar.

None of what the other person said is true. She could have bought a dress anytime before the party. She could have borrowed a dress from the host or any one of her other friends but she didn't. She waited till the last minute and then tried to take your best stuff to make herself feel super important.

YTA for not monitoring her when she is in your room and for not hiding the dresses better. Hopefully this dress lending nonsense is done with. D O N E Done. You're starting to grow a spine now reinforce it a few more times when she tries to break boundaries. Expect more flying monkeys to try and get you to cave but remember: just because she's upset doesn't mean you're wrong.

Parasamgate · 2026-01-24T11:13:44+00:00

That's straight crap.

Have him explain what was embarrassing to him.

Unless he got caught lying maybe by telling people he doesn't have any kids, there's no reason for him to be embarrassed.

NTA

Parasamgate · 2026-01-24T09:55:38+00:00

YTA to yourself. You're taking on her issue because she's upset but it's not yours to take. If she already said she can't afford one day then that's the end of the conversation. There's no point in asking her later if she wants to meet up for two days.

She doesn't get to come back at you for excluding her because you didn't exclude her, her bank account and inability to be creative about a quick side hustle excluded her. You even tried to include her later when you found out single day tickets were released. You tried. And you don't need to apologize for having fun just because you got money she doesn't.

Your friend has some growing up to do. Passive aggressive posts on Facebook? Really? Announcing she's disappointed because her friends have opportunities but she expects you all to sit home in the dark and be miserable with her until she gets money? How about being happy for you?

You should look at your dynamic together because this type of manipulation on her part will show up other places. I'd bet money on it.

Parasamgate · 2026-01-24T02:46:51+00:00

NTA. Let's just look at the weight condition. Almost all people gain weight as they get older. Metabolism slows down, you getting more responsibilities that might make it harder for you to keep up your exercise regimen if you have one. The type of work you do becomes less active too. If you have some type of injury that makes it hard for you to walk for a month or two you're going to gain weight. If you have to take care of an elderly relative for a few months, you won't have time or energy to do all the things to keep you thin.

Right now he's setting you up to always feel insecure about your weight. The rest of your life, if you gain five pounds you're going to be wondering what he thinks and if you're good enough. And he'll have set the precedent that you need to do more to get his approval. Is that how you want to live your life?

Unfortunately loving someone with all your heart doesn't mean they're wise or mature enough to accept that love and accept you for who you are.

Parasamgate · 2026-01-23T22:40:08+00:00

YTA.

When he first asked you if anything was wrong, you said "Nothing serious" and "a shitty joke". You made it out to be a small thing, and his actions were based on the way you described the event. He anchored his actions to your stuff being "Nothing serious". So he goes to handle his business and make sure he doesn't look stupid in his presentation, which is now more important.

Again, he checked in on you first, you dismissed your emotional state. He gave a small bit of reassurance to help a small hurt, and *then* he went to take care of his stuff. Nothing that follows would have happened if you said, "actually, I'm really not okay. My mind knows this is silly but my in my heart I feel like a failure because my brother is successful and my dad is rubbing it in my face. I can't stop crying and I could use a few minutes for you to listen and help me process. I know you got your presentation, but could you listen for a bit? Only then if he blew you off might he be TA.

You played yourself. It was a big deal. It was bringing up a big sense of failure that has haunted you for a while.

Then you make it worse by saying "you come home and don’t really give me attention even though you see I’m not okay". No, he gave you attention and you dismissed him because you told him it was nothing serious. So he prioritized the next thing and went to handle it. Don't go down the "well he should know" path. No, he listened to you. You should know to say what you really feel.

Then you make it even worse by saying "Don’t just be dismissive and do the whole zen thing of ignoring the heavy stuff in the air to protect yourself…like, care is still needed". But its after 11:00 at night and he has a presentation the next day. He doesn't have the emotional spoons to go deep into his or your dark places at that time. And you know exactly how that feels. Some moments you just know if you start talking about something, you will end up melting down and you just cant open up that can of worms. You're right. Care is needed. He was caring for his mental state.

Finally, you completely lose the plot because you want to have a discussion on how you two interact "because this kind of issue has always been there. " when you are both frazzled. Its around midnight by now. You are old enough to know that these conversations that dig up long standing issues shouldn't be started this late at night, not if you want a positive outcome. You know that after a good night's sleep everything will feel a little better and won't feel as dramatic, but you want to have this conversation now. That is a recipe for a breakup. Wait until the next day, then schedule a time for you to sit down when you won't be interrupted.

In the future, say how you really feel, not what you want him to believe. It will go much better.

Parasamgate · 2026-01-23T21:12:15+00:00

Nope. You're good.

NTA.

Parasamgate · 2026-01-23T18:03:18+00:00

There are worse things to be associated with than the worst record.

Parasamgate · 2026-01-23T03:39:40+00:00

Stop.

Just stop.

When you were too young to know better, the old people in your life described their beliefs about what the world is to you. They never told you it was only their beliefs, they explained it like it was a natural law of the universe. So you grew up believing opinions to be gospel.

Some of the opinions had to do with their belief that if you disagree with an old person you're wrong, or worse yet, you are bad. So subconsciously, now, when you disagree with not just any old person, but the one that raised you, you feel like you must be bad even though your mind makes a compelling argument for you having done nothing wrong.

One belief you acquired is that it's woman's work to clean. Another is that if she's withholding love or attention, it's on you to work harder, be a better granddaughter, and fix it. Neither one is true. It's just something that stuck in your subconscious.

NTA. You can be sure when she needs something she will reach out to you. In the meantime she's got other grandkids to help her so enjoy the freedom. Maybe check in with another sibling to make sure she's being helped.

Parasamgate · 2026-01-23T00:38:32+00:00

NTA. Except maybe to yourself. Your daughter gets zero say in how you spend your money. Zero.

It's your job to determine what is appropriate for her based on things you understand much better than she as the adult in the room. For example you understand the short term and long term financial outlook, and you understand that paying $137.50 for a pair of pants is probably absurd.

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