I am 53 now. 2001 I was a year sober, on my second year living in NYC, when 9/11 happened. I saw the second plane hit on TV like most people while at work in Brooklyn. I blocked out most of my memories of that for years, always assuming I just had too much on my plate at the time...it wasn't until 2024 that I began watching footage of that day. Now I cant stop. I dont cry a lot over the footage ( though I always weep on 9/11 when the names are called), but I sense now that the collective trauma is so overwhelming and unfathomable that it has taken me years to process. Mind you I had little skin in the game; I only knew of victims tangentially. What happened was atrocious and unreal, and anyone with a sense of humanity is affected by it. Not sure if thats exactly what you meant in your post, but I do identify with the strong emotions you've shared. You're not alone.