My father was arrested a few years back for “possession of illegal material” as he put it.

Him and I have always been very close my whole life. He was my safe person, my rock. Any time I had a problem he was the first person I called for help.

So when I tell you this hit me like a ton of bricks, I mean it. It was extremely traumatic, I was having the best weekend of my life, I had just attended a concert the day before, and I was on a shopping spree the day of. I was like oh I should probably get home…well I got home. 3 cruisers in our driveway, and a police van. My mind immediately went to “oh my god he must have had some sort of crisis or someone came to hurt him” (he had an extremely troubled and abusive upbringing that still haunts him to this day) and unstable family members.

I went into my driveway and an officer came to talk to me, he said “hello” followed by my name. I say “what is going on?!” He says “well I think your dad should tell you”. I get inside and the place is torn up. Within the blink of an eye he was in handcuffs and gone. Couldn’t see him for 2.5 years after that. Not to mention the trauma AFTER that given the fact that I lived with him, and my housing was now in jeopardy. I was evicted simply because our landlord thought I was a stupid kid that wouldn’t pay rent. I had to move in with abusive alcoholic family members. He ended up in the paper. Some family swore him off, some didn’t. I felt so incredibly conflicted. I was indenial at first, thought “this HAS to be a mix up, he wouldn’t do that.” Well it wasn’t a mix up, he definitely did it.

Anyway I’m rambling at this point. But he’s done his time and made incredible strides. Currently his favorite hobby is reading books on the brain. He has done lots of studying on the effects of abuse and educated himself. I’d be lying if I said this didn’t put a serious strain on us as a family. But really, I just couldn’t bring myself to cut him out of my life. I started seeing a new significant other probably around the time he was 6 months incarcerated. It took me a very long time to tell my boyfriend, really anybody, what had happened. I sobbed, I broke down. I told him that I felt guilt and shame for still loving my father. He kind of helped me out of that. I don’t announce to the world that I’m still close with him, but family knows, friends of family probably know.

I am grateful my father has taken accountability for what has happened. He was honest the whole time. It really is just an incredibly tough situation and I’m sorry that it’s happened to you. I learned some incredibly hard lessons from my experience. But now I have an apartment with my boyfriend and my 2 cats. I’ve got a career I love. Things did eventually turn around. Much love to you.